Get Back On That Bike and Ride

Get Back On That Bike and Ride

         “I wish I knew how to ride my bike already; it takes so long to learn.” Have you ever felt this way about something you wanted to learn—perhaps a skill for a job promotion or an exercise program to lose weight? It just seems to take such a long time and requires so much effort. Many times we may give up on a goal when we get discouraged or experience a setback. The times that we stick to it and get back on the bike and try again are the very most critical times in the learning process. The reason is that when a goal is met we feel capable of moving to the next step; we can approach a new challenge with the confidence that a setback is just that and only that. It should not be viewed as a failure, but as an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to move forward.

         The long period of time that lies between desire and effect is shortened by practice. As each day goes by, conditioning of the instruction is embedded in our mind. We are left with more time for the application or satisfaction in what we are actually accomplishing, and less time is spent thinking about the learning process itself. Eventually we get to the point of no return: once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. The time period between an event and our reaction to it is still there. It has only diminished to such a minuscule moment that we don’t notice it. Now it appears as if the bike riding lessons, including the falls, have all been forgotten. That obviously is not true; otherwise, we would not possess the knowledge required to ride the bike. The learned behavior is still there—soaked into the neural roots of our mind.

         Emotions are learned behaviors. The strongest building blocks of our emotional behavior are formed in childhood. The future and well-being of today’s children depends on the awareness of their parents. For example, a young girl’s parents constantly argued loudly, using physical gestures. She heard things that a little girl should not have to listen to—especially not from her own parents. The child grew up ashamed of the household she was raised in. More tragically, she learned to fear, to be angry, and to be disrespectful to others. The child wasn’t taught these things; she simply learned by watching and listening to her parents arguing. It took only a few moments for her to learn to tremble or to cry. As she grew up, she had no cognitive training for dealing with loud voices or conflicts. Even though they weren’t a direct threat, fights at the schoolyard frightened her. She lacked the understanding that her reactions were learned behaviors; so, she inherited the belief that her emotions were characteristics of her personality.

         The examples of learning to ride a bike and learning by example seem like very different types of behaviors. They are obviously quite different in terms of application. However, the process of storing what is learned is quite similar. When we learn to ride a bike we use cognitive thinking; that is to say, we are aware of what is being taught and we use judgment to progress. Progression is possible because of the understanding that what we have learned is what moves us from cause to effect. When learning by example, the progression period is sped up. It may take a child three days to learn to balance his or her body on a bicycle when it takes only one abrasive act to learn fear. Some thoughts are generated slowly and deliberately, while others are quick and instinctive. In both cases, there remains a stimulus and a response. As children, we have only our instinctive behavior to rely on. Our parents—the people who are supposed to protect us—may not realize the harm that is being inflicted. We naturally seek safety in them; but, if they are the source of the danger that is sensed, we are left with yet another instinctive behavior: flight. Hence, we have a new learned behavior in the effect of fear.

         We primitively view our behavior as a reaction to an outside force. Unhealthy people aren’t aware that it is not that outside force but their interpretation of it that guides behavior. If we never understand what we have learned, then fear (for example) incorrectly appears to be a personality flaw. It can follow us to adulthood and curb maturity. It can keep us from having healthy, meaningful relationships. Because we are not aware that our very own beliefs are what drive our behavior, the misunderstood emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, and all too often, self-hatred. Our five major senses (touch, hearing, sight, taste, and smell) are typically what activate a cause for us to react or respond. Other senses (sense of humor, equilibrium, sense of worth, etc…) can initiate our engrained responses as well. Unhealthy people struggle with life. Healthy people enjoy life. Why is that? If we could just take a moment to consider what circumstances we were handed, we just might become the owners to the very truth that will set us free. With ownership comes responsibility, with responsibility. . . growth. As we learn healthier ways to evaluate what we perceive, we gain more and more control over our intuitive responses.

         Begin to change your life today. It is too preciously short to place blame or to make excuses. Remove yourself from the victim list. No other person in this world has experiences identical to yours. There is no gauge for normality when you travel a path that was created for you alone. Be your own best friend. Be supportive and compassionate to yourself. Know that you can change who you are by changing the way you think. It takes time to accept this idea and it takes time to adhere to a new realm of thinking. But it is well worth the time and effort. The benefits will overflow. (I promise you that.)

         Understand that there is always a moment between reception—via your senses—and your reaction to it. It may be a minuscule moment, nevertheless it is there. The next time you begin to ‘lose your balance’ in a situation, consider your immediate thoughts. Take a deep breath and probe your mind for what false beliefs you are hanging on to. Slow down the process that you may not have even been aware was occurring. Give yourself the time you need to find the truth within. You won't find it in friends or relatives and you won't find it in drugs or alcohol. It cannot be bought with any amount of money and it cannot be unveiled in carnal pleasure. The truth is there inside you, graciously protected by your spirit. Begin the process to identify it and make the choice to change for it. You’ll be amazed at what a courageous and compassionate human being you become. Now, get back on that bike and ride!



Reference Material

Peurifoy, Reneau Z., “Anxiety, Phobias, and Panic” – 2005;

Dyer, Wayne W., “Excuses Begone!” – 2009;

Prentiss, Chris, “Be Who You Want Have What You Want” - 2008