The Ritual

"C'mon, Mik, move yer skinny arse!"

"For the hundredth time, Osper, call me Stealth," the thief replied, gasping, as he looked up at the barbarian's well-muscled, fur and hide covered bulk, "Unlike you, you massive oaf, I'm not part mountain goat."

He calls this a hill, he thought to himself, as he pulled his tall, wiry frame to the next hand hold, I wonder what it takes to be considered a mountain.

Some minor slips and a few hundred breaths later, Stealth Grooper joined his companion at the top of the "hill".

Leaning against a boulder to catch his breath, he asked, "Why...why are we here, again?"

"Once a year the tribal god, Fior, makes us come to the spot of our first kill," Osper recited, "to honor him and the spirit 'o the dead."

Stealth, never one to chance offending a god, was all in favor. "All right then," he said, "Let's go."

So he stood up, brushed himself off and waved Osper on. Stealth trudged close behind, eyes down. Without warning, he bounced off the barbarian's rather formidable back, falling into a sitting position.

"What now?" the thief asked, as he picked himself up.

Osper pointed. Not six strides ahead was a good-sized ogre, snoring contentedly. It was down wind, which is why they didn't smell the beast. The monster's greyish bulk nearly filled a wide gap between two large rocks.

"All right," Stealth whispered (which wouldn't seem necessary, considering the volume of an ogre's snore), "we'll go around."

"Sorry, mate, wish we could," Osper said, "but ah..."

"He's sleeping on the place you want, isn't he?" the thief finished.

Osper nodded.

Stealth sighed. "OK then, go ahead and chop his head off. Then we'll figure out some way to move him and...what?" The look on Osper's face interrupted him.

"That would, ah, defile the ceremony site."

The thief rolled his eyes, thinking the gods are crazy.

"Fine, fine. Let me find a place to hide so I can hit him from behind after you wake him up and..."

Just then a massive club narrowly missed Osper's head, breaking off a chunk of the boulder behind him.

While they were discussing the ogre, they weren't watching the ogre. Apparently it was a light sleeper; and had poor aim.

While Stealth rolled to his left, Osper took two steps back and pulled his great battle axe.

The thief pulled his broadsword out, just in time to witness ogre and barbarian attack each other. The club was coming down as Osper was making a two-handed forward chop. Axe met club, blade first, and the axe was stuck.

The thief knew Osper was strong, but not strong enough to win a tug of war with an ogre half again his size. In one motion, he pulled a dagger and let it fly. It lodged itself in the upper part of the club arm, and as the monster howled, it let go of the club. This caused Osper to lose his balance and fall backward.

There was no responding howl, so there was just one ogre around, fortunately. One ogre was plenty.

The beast turned and advanced on Stealth. The thief gave some ground, but he had to make a stand: he was getting close to the edge.

The ogre first tried to grab Stealth, but he danced aside, stabbing at the same time. He pricked the monster's hand, which elicited another howl. The beast then tried an overhead smash with his good fist. The thief tried to dodge, but received a glancing blow to the shoulder. This made him fall even closer to edge, his teeth clenched in pain.

The monster advanced another step raising his fist again. Stealth was preparing to roll out of range when he noticed a figure behind the ogre.

Osper had freed his weapon, and was holding the great axe sideways with two hands, like a paddle. He swatted the ogre on the ass just as its fist started to come down. The creature pitched forward, off-balance, and down the side of the "hill" it went, crashing at the bottom.

The battle done, Stealth found a flat place to lay down and nurse his shoulder. He took off his shirt, letting the joint bake in the sun. Meanwhile, Osper did the ritual. There was some chanting and some other ceremonial stuff. The thief snoozed through most of it.

"'Ey, Mik," the barbarian said, "git up. I'm done."

Stealth sat up favoring Osper with a dirty look. Then he stood up and started getting his gear together. Soon they were making their way down the other side of Osper's hill.

The going was much easier here, as it was more of a slope.

"Hey Osper," Stealth said.

"Aye, Mik,"

The thief growled, but continued, "What was your first kill?"

"Oh," Osper replied, "'twas a mountain hare."

Stealth stopped in his tracks, stunned. Quickly he found his voice.

"You mean I trudged up this MOUNTAIN, nearly get killed by a lady-forsaken ogre and all so you could honor the spirit of a BUNNY!!!" he screamed.

Osper turned, looked him in the eye and said, "'twas a pretty tough hare, ya know."

Stealth just looked at him, and then started to laugh. Soon it became rolling gales of laughter. Osper turned red, then with a sheepish grin, turned and continued down the slope. Stealth caught up, still laughing, and clapped him on the back, going with him into the valley.