Bringing Down the Hammer

                              Bringing Down the Hammer



         As the glue started to get tacky on the blue construction paper Billy grabbed one last handful of macaroni out of the bowl.  He had finished the unicorn in the center of the picture but a few of the stars in the watercolor yellow sky still needed to be finished.  For three days Billy had been putting his picture together, a magical creature that stood regal in a field of purple and pink wildflowers and a golden sunset that reminded him of a calm summer evening.  If it turned out good enough he might give it to his tutor, Mrs. Baker and ask her if he could hang it on the refrigerator.  She had let him put a picture he made a few weeks ago, a leprechaun dancing around of pot of gold and made out of yarn and glitter, on the fridge even though a day later his mother tore it down and threw it into the trash can.  She didn't like his art, actually she didn't really seem to like anything about him anymore.
         
         Billy was blowing on the glue to make it dry faster when his mother came staggering into the kitchen.  He knew why she was walking funny again as he watched her move past him without so much as a hello and heave her arms up to grab the cupboard door.  That was were she kept that brown stuff that made her get mad at him.  He wished that she wouldn't drink it, not just because it looked like mud puddle water but also because it made him scared whenever she got it out.  Sometimes mother could be very nice, she would make him scrambled eggs, extra fluffy like he liked, and let him have an extra glass of orange juice.  She would put red and blue syrup on the table and let him pick which color his pancakes would swim in today.

         Some mornings though mother came downstairs and got out the muddy water instead of turning on the stove.  She would give Billy the coldest of looks before she threw her head back and took a long drink from the bottle.  Billy had always been told that drinking right out of the milk carton was naughty so he didn't understand why it was alright for mommy to drink right from the mud water bottle.  He knew better than to ask her about it though.  Even today he could still feel the bruises he got when he asked he why daddy never came over.

         Daddy had moved out six months ago.  He and mommy always seemed to fight and Billy always heard his name mixed into the yelling.  Daddy would tell Mommy that she needed to be more compassionate, to “start giving a shit” as Daddy would say, though Billy didn't know what a “shit” was or why Mommy would give him one.  All he knew was that Mommy was always disappointed in him and he never knew what he was doing wrong.  One day Daddy had slammed the door really hard as he walked outside and he had never come back in.  Billy hoped he wasn't lost somewhere, but Mommy didn't seem to be too concerned.

         Billy was a good boy but he had a secret.  He had been keeping a book hidden behind his dresser that Mommy didn't know about.  He had gotten it from a nice lady at the school before his Mother said he couldn't go there anymore.  He had learned how to sound out the cover of the book after a lot of days practicing.  “Learning how to read: A lesson plan for special students”.  After three weeks when Billy could finally make out those words, he did feel special; like he had accomplished something.  He hadn't started trying to sound out the pages inside yet but now he felt confident that he could.  He wanted to impress Mommy someday, show her he could do something that she had told him he would never be able to do. 

         The only one in the world that knew about Billy's secret book was Yogurt, his pet guinea pig.  Mommy always called it a rat but before Daddy left he told him that it was in fact a guinea pig.  Yogurt was the only friend Billy had, the only friend he had ever had really.  For the few short years that he had been allowed to go to the regular school the kids there always seemed afraid of him.  He had learned how to pronounce what Mommy called it, Down's Syndrome, and when he told kids that was why he looked funny they didn't seem to understand anymore than he did.  Yogurt never cared though about how Billy looked.  Whenever he put his hand into Yogurt's cage he would always hop over and lick the tips of Billy's fingers.  He was never afraid of him at all.

         Billy opened the lid on Yogurt's cage and watched as he hopped over like always.  When Billy could feel Yogurt's soft fur on his hand he scooped him up and lifted him out.  Yogurt liked to be set down on the carpet where he could run around and stretch his legs.  No matter how much hopping and running he did he never ventured very far away from Billy.  The two had developed a mutual love for one another.  Billy loved that Yogurt didn't care how he looked and Yogurt loved that Billy was such a loving and gentle soul.  If everyone else in the world disappeared they would be happy as long as they had each other.

         Yogurt was nibbling on a piece of aluminum foil from one of Billy's projects when Mommy called for him to come downstairs.  Billy scooped Yogurt up and put him back in his cage but let him keep the foil so he had something to play with until he got back.  He gave Yogurt a little kiss on the top of the head, told him he loved him, and set off to see what Mommy wanted.

         She was standing in the kitchen when Billy came down.  She had a glass of mud water in her hand and looked like she might be angry.
         “I'm here Mommy”, Billy said nervously.
         “Yeah, I can see that.  Not all of us are stupid you know”.
         “I'm trying to make cookies down here for after dinner but I can't find the aluminum foil.  Did you take it?”
         “Yes Mommy.  I needed it for a project.  I'm sorry Mommy, it's in my room.  I'll go get it.”
         “No you won't”, she shot back
         “You'll stay here and start drying those dishes. I'll go get it.  You had better be a good way done by the time I get back.”
         She finished the last of her drink and stormed off upstairs as Billy pulled a towel from the drawer.  He hoped she wasn't going to be too mad about the foil, he hadn't used very much of it.

         Fifteen minutes had passed when Mommy came storming down the stairs.  She started screaming before Billy even had a chance to turn around.
         “What the Hell is this?”, she screamed at him.
         Billy turned around and saw that she was holding his secret book.  He must have forgotten to put it away earlier.
         “I said what is this!  Answer me Billy, NOW!”
         “Um, it's just a book Mommy.  I got it from school when I was there.”
         “Are you trying to read now Billy, is that it?”
         “I thought it would make you proud of me if I could learn.”
She marched across the kitchen to where he was standing and smacked him across the head with the book.  His ear started to burn from the impact.
         “How many times do I have to tell you Billy?  You're stupid, you aren't like other kids.  You're a mistake.”
         By now tears where running down his face like rain water.  He was crying as much because of her words as the blow he had received. 
         “I'm sorry Mommy”, he sobbed.  “I know I'm stupid I just wanted to make you happy with me.”
         “You don't get it Billy.  I'll never be happy with you.  Go look at yourself in the mirror and tell me how in the Hell I'm supposed to be happy with you.”
         As Billy stood there crying she walked over and slammed the book into the garbage can.  She came back over and stood silent in front of him for a moment, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
         “Well, I'll tell you one thing Billy” she said as she scratched the corner of her mouth.
         “I've just about had it with your nonsense.  The art, the books.  You just don't seem to understand that you are useless.  All you do is embarrass me.”
         “That stuff makes me happy though Mommy.”
         “And why do you get to be happy Billy?  I have to suffer every day knowing that you are still here and I can't stand it anymore.”
         She paused for a moment as though an idea were forming in her head.
         “As a matter of fact, I think it's time you know what it feels like to suffer the way I do, so I'm going to show you.”
         She raised her hand and pointed to the drawer under the kitchen sink.
         “Go open that drawer Billy, now.”
         Not wanting to anger Mommy anymore Billy wiped his eyes on his sleeve and opened the drawer.
         “You see that hammer in there?  Pick it up.”
         Billy was confused now but he did as Mommy told him.
         “Now bring it with and follow me.”
         Mommy turned around and headed for the stairs and Billy slowly followed.  When they reached the top she turned and pushed open the door to Billy's room.
         “Now get in here and  close the door.”  Billy obeyed.
         “Give me the hammer”, she said as she sat on the edge of his bed.”
         “Good.  Now take that rat out of it's cage.”
         Billy opened his mouth to ask why but she held up a hand to silence him.  His hands started shaking as he opened the cage and lifted Yogurt out.  He cradled him in his arms as he walked back over to Mommy.  She was lighting a cigarette as she watched Billy's every move.
         “Now, put him on the floor”, she said as she exhaled a thick plume of smoke.
         Billy kissed the top of Yogurt's head and gently set him down on the carpet.  Yogurt turned almost immediately and started nibbling on Billy's toes.
         “What a nasty thing you are”, she said as she glared at Yogurt.
         She picked the hammer up off of the bed and extended it toward Billy.
         “Takes this”, she ordered through another cloud of smoke.
         Billy was watching Yogurt play on the carpet but looked up long enough to take the hammer.
A few moments passed in silence as Billy wriggled his toes to Yogurt's amusement and Mommy smoked her cigarette.  Eventually the silence was broken.
         “Billy”, mother said as she lit a fresh cigarette.
         “Yes Mommy?”, he replied, still watching Yogurt.
         “I want you to take that hammer in your hand and smash Yogurt's head with it”.
         Billy's eyes got as big as saucers.
         “Don't look at me like that Billy.  Do what I told you.  NOW!”
         “But Mommy I don't...”
         In a move so fast Billy never saw it coming Mommy sprang off of the bed and pushed her cigarette into the flesh of his arm.  Billy screamed but even that didn't drown out the sizzling sound coming from his skin.  After a few seconds that felt like hours she pulled the cigarette off and sat back down.
         “Hit that fucking rat in the head with that hammer or I'm going to hit you with it.”
         After what she had just done with the cigarette Billy had no doubt that she was telling the truth.
The tears were pouring out of his eyes so thick he vision was blurred to near blindness.  He wiped them away with his sleeve and looked at Mommy.
         “Can I please tell him goodbye Mommy?”
         “You may but if he isn't dead by the time this cigarette is done then that hammer is going to be finding your head instead.  I told you Billy, you need to know how it feels to suffer.”
         Billy got down on his knees and placed a hand on Yogurt's back.  He stroked his soft auburn fur as he kissed his head.  Yogurt looked up at Billy with beady eyes and a twitching nose and gave a little squeak.  Billy returned the stare and whimpered.
         “I love you so much Yogurt.  I'm so sorry my friend.  I'll miss you forever, I promise.”
         Billy touched his nose to Yogurt's one more time and then raised the hammer.  He closed his eyes and whispered, “Please forgive me”.  As he exhaled all of the air from his lungs he brought down the hammer.  He heard a faint squeal and felt the hammer bounce off of something a littler firmer than the carpet.  He let out a sound that was part scream and part cry and slowly opened his eyes.
         Lying on the floor before him was Yogurt.  His head had opened onto the carpet and little red rivers carried tiny pink pieces in different directions.  Yogurt's hind legs twitched a couple of times and then he fell still.  Billy's only friend he had ever had was dead by his own hand.
         Mommy stood up and snuffed her cigarette out on Billy's desk.
         “Good.  What you're feeling right now is how you make me feel everyday.  Now you know.”
         She crossed her arms as Billy stroked Yogurt's fur one last time.
         “When you're done crying over that thing clean it up and get your butt into bed.  I don't want to see your face anymore tonight.”  With that she opened his door and left the room.
         Billy cried for an hour before he could even start to control it.  His friend was gone and now he was all alone in the world.  He eventually got up the nerve to scoop Yogurt into a shoe box he had under his bed.  He placed the cardboard coffin on his desk and crawled into bed.  He would bury him in the morning but for now he wanted one more night in the same room as him.  Billy pulled the covers up to his chin and cried some more.
         Hours had gone by and Billy never did sleep though for awhile he found himself in a trance like state.  His mind bounced between images of Yogurt hopping around his room and images of Mommy screaming at him.  He wasn't stupid.  She always told him that he was but he knew in his heart that he wasn't.  He could do things like everyone else, even if he looked different.  It felt to Billy as though his entire soul changed while he was lying in his trance.  When he finally snapped out of it he decided to prove to himself that he could do whatever his heart desired.  His heart fostered a desire right now.
         Billy got out of bed and went to his desk.  The coffin was sitting there in the glow of the moonlight coming in through the window.  He lifted the lid off and stared down at Yogurt in his eternal slumber.  This time Billy didn't cry when he looked at him.  Something in his heart was driving him and he was filled with a purpose.  He opened the drawer in his desk and pulled out a pair of scissors.  With the utmost respect and delicacy he snipped off a lock of Yogurt's fur.  He held it up for a moment, staring at the swirling colors that had made up Yogurt's coat.
         He pulled a spool of yarn from the same drawer and cut off a piece long enough to wrap around his own neck.  After he had laid that beside the lock of fur he crossed over to Yogurt's cage on the other side of the room.  He lifted the lid and pulled out the piece of foil Yogurt had been using as a chew toy.  He brought it back to the desk and flattened it out.  He picked up the lock of fur and laid it inside the foil and then set the yarn down on top of it.  When he folded the whole thing up he had a crude foil locket with Yogurt's fur inside and he tied it around his neck.  By sheer coincidence the length of the yarn placed the locket level with his heart.
         Billy felt a sort of power come over him as he wore the locket.  He took long deep breaths for a moment before he picked up the hammer from his desk.  He tightened his grip on the smooth wooden handle as he moved to his bedroom door.  With the greatest of care he slowly pulled the door open and listened outside.  Even from here he could hear the grating sound of his mother snoring across the hall.  He crept ever so slowly through the darkness until he was standing before her bedroom door.
         He took a few more moments to breathe and then gently pushed open the door.  Mommy was lying in bed with her back to him and snoring up a storm.  He crept on his toes across the room until he was standing directly beside her.  She was so entrenched in her sleep that she wouldn't have woken up even if he had called out her name.  He watched her for a time, this vile woman who treated him so badly.  He thought about all the names she called him, all the times that she had hit him.  He thought about the burn that still throbbed on his arm.  He thought about Yogurt.
         As the memories of Yogurt coursed through his veins he raised the hammer above his head with both hands.  He was so lost in the moment that the hammer felt weightless in his grasp.  He closed his eyes and remembered that last stare he had shared with Yogurt.  He whispered into the shadows, “I love you Yogurt”, and brought down the hammer.
         The sound of Mommy's skull breaking was much louder than Yogurt's had been.  The red rivers were much thicker and the pink pieces they carried were much larger.  Mommy's legs never twitched like Yogurt's had.  Billy stared at the mess for a moment, feeling no remorse or pity.  Only vengeance.  The feeling was strong and intoxicating and suddenly Billy found himself splashing the red rivers with the hammer again and again.  By the time he was out of breath there was nothing at all left of Mommy's angry head.  Just a big wet stain on the pillow and streaks of red running up the walls.
         As he fought to get his breath back Billy dropped the hammer to the ground.  He lifted the locket to his lips and gave it a kiss.
         “Mommy can't hurt us anymore Yogurt.”, he said as a small smile etched across his face.
He walked over to the nightstand and got Mommy's book of numbers out of the drawer.  It took a little while but he managed to sound out his Daddy's name next to one of the string of numbers.  He calmly pick up the telephone receiver and put it to his ear as he entered the numbers onto the pad.  After the fourth ring a groggy voice mumbled on the other end of the line.
         “Hello?”, the voice rasped only half awake.
         “Daddy, it's Billy.  You have to come home now.  I did something bad.”