To Be a Man

What is it that will take a man from his home? Not just a plot of ground paid for through years of struggle and work. What will take a man from his wife, his child, his sanctuary from the cold world? The fact is…many things will. Too many things can take a man from where he should be and most of the time they are things we are capable of combating. Men are the most ferocious creatures unless we are fighting ourselves then we are the proverbial helpless pup.
A man can love and care for his family keep his house in order and provide for all that needs providing, but he cannot keep himself from the drink. He cannot simply put aside the ale and love his wife instead. He cannot tell the whiskey to leap down the drain and never curse his home again; instead he brings the bottle to his lips in a cruel mockery of a kiss.
He can love his children with all he has, give his wife anything she could want, but he cannot control his temper. He cannot sway the dark emotions that broil inside his fiery heart; nor stop a swing before it connects. He cannot pick up the broken pieces of relationship that he strews across his home so recklessly. Instead a man will justify himself and say he was provoked to destroy all that he holds dear.
We can work until we drop to provide for our families; put ourselves in harms way for the good of our loves. But we cannot keep from straying, cannot keep our eyes from what we do not have but still yearn for. We cannot control our urges with quiet strength and learn to appreciate what we already have. Instead we will break a vow, a promise, a commandment, and a million hearts before our lusts are satisfied.
I can change every bad habit, adjust and bend to the wants of all those I love. But I cannot change my heart, nor erase the hurts my words inflict. I cannot keep from cutting down the very people I need most, cannot hold something dear to me without harming it. I cannot keep my tongue in bonds of steel and keep my love safe. Instead I will cut and break and swear till I am left with nothing.
And in the end what is a man without those things that he so loves? What do we take with ourselves on our journey through this life, if not our wives or children or families? If we should fail to be a man we cannot have love, and yet to be a man is to push all you love away.
But in our hearts we will always cry out to those we care for, “Love me. Love me, though I am a drunken, angry, unfaithful and sharp tongued fool. Do not leave me alone with myself, because I cannot love myself without you to make whole.”