In the life of a girl...

What more can go wrong in the life of a girl?? What does she need?? I had a dream; I needed something, had small sweet dreams..I wanted to be a girl, a wife, a mother one day, and then a granny some day and so on...Wished a simple life, a happy family - me, him and our kids...

But, do you always get what you want?? Not really...Yes, I saw marriage, I saw married life - but the way I wanted it to be?? What do you need for a happy married life - supportive parents, supportive inlaws, and ofcourse a supportive husband...



5 days before my marriage, I realized that i did not want to get married to this person, he is not the one for me...he is marrying me not for what I am, but for what I can give him...yet, I went ahead to marry him, because was more scared about my family's image - cards were distributed, people had started arriving, everybody was so happy...That was the day I needed someone to talk to - yet I kept quiet, and showed that I was happy. I wish it everyday if for once I could go back in time, and make the hard decision and put an end to the marriage there and then....I thought about killing myself many times, but my parents would always tell me - unless it is your time, you will not die....you might only break some of your limbs, or become useless person on wheelchair...



There was 1st February then...I still hoped he would change his way of thinking after marriage possibly...but things started getting worse...my parents were abused, my family was abused everyday...there was violence in my home everyday...and the reason - because he wanted a car, a house more than me?? My parents had given so much of money to my inlaws already for everything, and even provided us with all the daily household items...I could not tell this to my parents, and when left out of house at 1am at night and so on, I had nowhere to go... and then go to office everyday in the morning.



I took it on for 3 months...then I went for Project implementation May; I looked at this as an opportunity to let both of us have some time, and let us both realise each other's importance...but for no good..when I came back in August, things started taking the same turn. I finally discussed it with my parents - they said they are ready to give more, but what is the assurity that they wll be satisfied this time.



This went on..I finally moved out of my home (him and me -our home) in December 2007...totally devastated and vulnerable...it was 1230am at night...should I call my parents this time?? I called my friend Shweta, made a night stay at her place, and then spent next 2 weeks there before I found  a place for myself to stay...my parents were unaware about all of it- i did not want to make them any tensed about me till I settle down with some place...15 days, I was alone in Pune at the mercy of Shweta - her mom-dad-sisters were really supportive to me...my husband did not care about me, he never called me, never messaged me...But, I would call him everyday - ask him, please dont do this to me, what is my fault?? We are 2 people earning a good salary, we can make a good and respectable living...but, he never cared...?? Despite all his violent behaviour, abusive languages, what was it that was taking me back to him?? I am a girl, earning for myself, I can live my life - why didnt this thought come in my mind then??



In the meantime again in January, I had to go to Germany again for project implementation purpose. I saw this as an opportunity again, to clear my head of all these things, and give him some time again to think about and realise what he is doing, and that his intensions were not right...I used to call him everyday from Germany also, tried convincing him every day..but he did not want to change...was I trying too hard??



On my birthday, on 18 March 2008, he spoke with me on phone from 12am till 5am in the morning....after the conversaton ended, he sent me one text message - "I know that I will not get a better girl than you, but I cannot accept you...". I felt happy reading this message, because I saw it that my husband loves me so much....I spoke about it to Shweta, and she told me if he loves me so much, then why is he doing all this - I could not answer this, because I never thought about it. I was just happy with the thought that he loved me.



Then in June 2008 he called me, and told me to accompany him to court, so that we can file a false divorce...divorce - what is false divorce?? and he told me not to speak about it with my parents - I trusted him so much, that I never told this to my parents. And then we met a lawyer, Amit spoke about making a false case, and then we never returned back to the lawyer?? why - i am still thinking - what happened??



Another onsite, and Im gone again.... I met a colleague in this time, and she was an angel - she advised me to talk with people about what I am in thru, she told me to change myself - open up, speak more with people around, interact, move around, and start enjoying life....so, did not I know to enjoy my life, or had I forgotten it??



Then in November December 2008, Amit called me again, and told me to go get a real divorce...Real divorce this time?? I decided to take my stand this time - I said "no". He said, I either accompany him, or he will come to my office and pull me...I know, he would have never been able to cross the security entrance...but I was more scared about publicity...I finally disconnected my office landline, and he started calling Shweta, then Sunil....till now I had spoken with 3 people only in my office about what I was going through - my batchmates, colleagues - Shweta, Sunil and Ankur...(they are more of brother and sister to me today).





But, I was frustrated to hell by now, lost all patience for the first time for my husband, and decided to let him have what he wants. And I told my parents about it..I said one thing to them - Im leaving it all in the hands of God; my parents said - if God has to do everything, then what are we human beings for?? So, i did not go to court this time...





By now, I am totally mad(not in actual terms )...it is March 2009...I finally speak about this to my manager, talk to a counsellor...advise amit to see a counsellor- but he did not listen to me this time again...I want to leave all the work, everything, and I need a break..I gave notice at my office; but what next???



One day when I was on way to office with my colleague, a topic came out, and I told her - I share every account information of my emails and banks with my husband, he knows it all....and then she asked me - do you know about his? I said no, why do I need to know about them?? And we had a long discussion on this, after office again...So, did I give too much of freedom to my husband??



I thought the best way to a man's heart is via his stomach...but, no, he wanted something else - but what, say it, dont be voilent and aggressive!!



Here I m finally in UK, trying to undertand more about human behavior, more here to gain that mental peace, and have some fun, to learn to enjoy life, and be the person I was, because I think I loved her, but she seems to be lost somewhere...



But, my dreams have taken a turn now...I want to be rich and famous - yes, doing legal things and ethical ofcourse....but, time has taugh me the power of money, and I want to make it my ultimate goal....will it be another turn in the life of a girl??



Today, I do not want sympathy from anybody...I will be more than happy if people can learn form my experience, and make wise decisons - good ones, once and for all in their lives...