Letter to Satan

This is my letter of resignation to satan.  For many years, I followed him, all the while proclaiming to be a Christian. Thanks be to God Almighty, I found the right path. Now, the enemy is unhappy because he lost a key player, but he’ll get over it.


Yo devil,
This is to inform you that as of today, this very minute, I am resigning my post as your number one girl.
I have lied to people for the last time. I have been ugly to those around me for forty-some years,  all in the name of me.
You made me selfish and rude and just an overall b with an itch and I refuse to be that way another nano-second.  No more.

I am sick and tired of wallering in my own self pity because YOU want to keep me down. I realize it’s your miserable  job to bring about the downfall of us humans, and we all know misery loves company, but I’ve been miserable for the last time.
I’ve thrown my last pity-party in the name of fairness.
Life’s not fair and I just got over it.

I have had a revelation: as long as you rule over me, life will never be fair. NEWSFLASH. You won’t be over-seeing this ol’ girl no mo’.
I’m reminding you that as of this very second, you have to move on.
You have to leave the habitation of this body and find another poor, lonely, downtrodden pig to jump into because you ain’t welcome here.

You’ve led me astray for the last time. I know there may be times when I allow myself to go the wrong way and I know you’ll be waiting in the wings with baited breath to trip me, but just have ears to hear this, Jack; my weakness won’t last long.
Even if I wander off the narrow path, I know the way to get back on.
Nothing you can do will ever entice me enough to fall back into my former, wretched lifestyle.

I wish I could say, sorry, but I’m not.
And to let you know just how sorry I’m not, I’m going to go spread the word that bondage to you can be broken.

I’m going to aid in the fight to set the captives free.

I hereby dedicate my life to seek out the troubled people you torment so I can let them know they can have joy and happiness.
I’m going to show them how to go from the desolate darkness to the glorious Light.
I’m signing off, now.

I’m saying; farewell, toodles, cheerio, bonjour, aloha, ciao, and adieu.
Since I won’t be seeing you on the Other side, I’ll just smile and wave and be thankful I won’t be perpetually thirsty.

I am overjoyed to know that while you and your blind followers are stoking the fire, I’ll be lounging in luxury on my fluffy, white cloud.

Buh bye and good riddance,

A departing sinner