Sinking Dialogue

“WE REGRET TO INFORM ALL PASSENGERS THAT THE SHIP IS SINKING. PLEASE ASSUME EMERGENCY PROTOCOL AND HEAD TO THE LIFEBOATS ON THE UPPER DECK.”

         “Sol! What’s the date? I have to put this in my diary!”
         “What? Didn’t you just hear that frantic woman?”
         “She wasn’t that frantic, Sol. She opened with, ‘we regret to inform’. If she was really frantic she would have screamed, ‘jump ship! Jump ship! Every man and woman for themselves!’” 
         “I kid you not, Marc, get up now, lest I wrench you to the upper deck so hard I’ll end up rescuing an arm rather than a whole man.”
         “Well! Such brutality! Was it your icy vehemence that sunk this ship, I wonder? Fine. Let’s be on our way.”
         “Good. Grab my arm, Marc. I’ll tell you what’s going on. Once we get to the staircases, I’ll carry you on my back. Got that?”
         “Yes, Sol. My, this is an eccentric way to travel to the continent.”
         “Right, we’re outside and plenty of people are crowding the walkways. I can see the hole from here- great gaping thing in the prow. Keep a tight hold.”
         “I’m sure this would make a wonderful photo opportunity, Sol. Do you have a camera?”
         “Marc, I’m scared so stiff I couldn’t hold one steady even if I did. Hold tight!”
         “There are all sorts of poems about sinking vessels, Sol, I must read them to you once we get to the continent. Such potent imagery.”
         “I’m not feeling imaginative right now, Marc. It’s as if a sharp whale savaged that prow. We need to get to those boats. Get on my back. Get on now.”
         “This is going to severely effect our time of arrival, I fear. I hope the hotel doesn’t charge us extra.”
         “Yes Marc; I see trouble ahead. People are getting feisty. Get ready for some shoving- we’ll get on those boats, don’t worry, we’ll get there.”
         “Oh, I don’t doubt that, Sol. Last look I had of you, my eyes were barraged.”
         “Don’t go blaming me for your infirmity. Can’t help my physicality. You do the talking, I do the shoving.”
         “I can hear explosions, Sol. I think shoving would benefit us greatly.”
         “Aye. Marc, next holiday…”
         “Yes?”
         “Let’s take the train, or rent a jeep or something. Explosions on the high sea wear pretty thin. Excuse me, sir!”
         “Was he the one trying to beat us away hysterically?”
         “Aye.”
         “Is he alright? We should pity him, Sol.”
         “Not really, he was about to club you with his luggage. And he’s fine. I threw him favourably into a boat.”
         “I do approve of your modern gallantry. Are we near a boat now?’
         “Aye, we managed it. Hold tight, Marc- this is going to be a hefty jolt.”
         “Try and land on the violent-luggage-man. I’m going to recite philosophy and sonnets at him until we’re rescued.”