Larissa's Best Year

Larissa’s Best Year
By
Amber Holt

October 18, 2007

Preface:

She tucked away the worn, year-old book with the cracked binding that was filled with a year of life. She reached into the shopping bag, pulled out the new one, and opened it to the cover page. She began to fill it out:

Name: Larissa Matthews

Subject: A Year In The Life

Date: 2007

Larissa sighed as she began her first entry, wondering what the new year would bring her.



Monday, January 1::

5am and fresh from the shower. Will soon be time for my first class.

Have pulled an all-nighter, excepting this time for pleasure instead of work.

Went to Terri’s New Year’s Eve party. It was a great blast! Met the most wonderful guy! Was introduced by Terri.

His name is Erich Donovan. He’s just begun his career as an OB/GYN.

Our meeting was like kismet from the beginning…it was as if we had known each other for years. We had a champagne toast at midnight, sang a round of auld lang sign, and slow danced the new year in for about an hour. Being in his arms felt as perfect as a hand in a glove. I don’t think that I’ve laughed as much and as heartily in a very long time. He ended up taking me home.

Oh, but he was the perfect gentleman. I made a pot of coffee, and we sat and talked for hours. I don’t think we left any subject untouched. He talked about the great wonder and emotion that he felt when he delivered his first baby. I talked about the reassurance that I felt in my super-organized world of studying accounting. We each laughed aloud when we both said “opposites attract” at the same time. He left about an hour ago, promising to call me.

Oh dear! 6am. Must get going.

So look forward to hearing from Erich again.

Monday, January 8:

No call from Erich.

Where could he be? What could have happened after our wonderful New Year’s together? What if something horrible happened? What if I did something wrong?

Calm, calm, Larissa. Okay, deep breath. Give the guy a chance.

But it’s just that I haven’t felt this way before, and I don’t want to lose it.

Must maintain – study time.

Thursday, January 11:

He called!

Listen to me, I sound like a giddy teenager.

It was actually a funny story:

Erich washed my phone number up in his jeans pocket! Took him a while to track down Terri and get it. All the time, he was afraid that I would think that he had lost interest in me. He had considered stopping by my place, but was afraid that it may freak me out.

I swear, we’re two peas in a pod.

We have a date Saturday.

Can hardly wait.

Sunday, January 14:

Magical evening.

Erich took me to my favorite Italian restaurant, The Vineyard. We had a wonderfully romantic candlelight dinner, then he took me to his place. He played some slow music, and we danced for the longest time. I laughed in glee when he dipped me.

Then, he leaned over and kissed me on the chest, slowly working his way up my neck, across my cheek, and lightly brushed his lips against mine – our first kiss! Oh, how delicious it was! We ended up necking on the couch like a couple of teenagers. What a rush I felt underneath his touch. My heart raced and my breathing was coming quick. I clung to him and held him with such passion, and he returned such a passion to me.

It was an aching goodbye when I had to leave at 3am.

Wednesday, January 17:

What a lifesaver Erich was last night!

Major exam coming up Friday, and I’ve been studying my butt off all last week. Everything was beginning to run together, and I really thought that I was going to lose my mind. Became so afraid and frustrated that I broke into nervous tears. Felt a little silly about it, but called Erich. He came right over.

He walked me through several problems and helped me to see that I do know what I’m doing after all. He worked with me for about two hours before he got a call to go to the hospital. He told me that he believed in me and knew that I would succeed before he left.

I’ve never met a man quite like Erich before.

Friday, January 26:

After sweating it out, I finally got my exam grade today…an A!

Very much looking forward to the break next week.

Have a date with Erich tomorrow.

Am thrilled.

Sunday, January 28:

1am.

Short evening, but with great reason.

After dinner, Erich told me that he was going on a conference the week of January 29 – February 2.

I have to admit that I felt a little crushed being away from him for so long.

But wait…that’s when he told me that he knew that I was on break and asked me to come along with him!

I asked him if that was okay, and he said sure it was. He assured me that he had booked two rooms for us. He said that the other doctors always brought their wives, and it had been accepted in the past for some to bring mates.

Mates.

I wonder if Erich may be feeling the way about me that I do about him. Can’t help myself from falling head over heals with him. He must feel something to invite me? Am floating on Cloud Nine.

Must pack and get ready for an early morning.

Saturday, February 3:

Am on the return plane now, writing while Erich naps.

What a most wonderful week I have had! The wives and mates have entertained me with shopping, lunches, movies, and local sites during the days. Some of them live in our area, and we’ve made great friends. I’ll look forward to hanging out with Nina and Jean.

The evenings have been spent with Erich. We have had romantic dinners every night in the hotel dining room, followed by slow dancing in the adjoining ballroom. He has walked me to my room every night, giving me a deep and passionate goodnight kiss and caress.

But last night was different…he walked me to my door, surprised me by sweeping me up into his arms, and carried me into my room. He carried me across the room and lay me gently upon the bed. He leaned over me, kissed me gently, and whispered that he loved me into my ear.

I felt a great excitement rush throughout my body. I clung to Erich and told him that I loved him too.

When he came to my room this morning to pick me up, he called me Dear.

I am exuberant!

Saturday, February 10:

Most romantic evening with Erich ever!

But a bit perplexed.

All throughout dinner, all throughout the play that he had taken me to, I could feel the feeling. We clung to each other so. I began to desire Erich so much.

When the evening was over, he took me home. We ended up in an amorous embrace. He kissed and nibbled on my neck, and I cried out “yes” to him. He did not further his advances. I again cried out to him, “yes, now Erich, please”.

He held my face in his hands and told me that we must wait a bit longer, and promised that I would be glad that we had.

I wonder what he has up his sleeve?

Wednesday February 14:

Erich invited me over for a Valentine’s dinner. He grilled ribeyes – in February! We each laughed as we dashed in and out of the back door onto the deck in the light snow.

After his delicious dinner, Erich went into the living room, where he already had a roaring fire burning. He went around the room and lit tons of candles. He took me by the hand and led me to the couch. As I expected him to sit next to me, I saw his hand slip into his jacket pocket. My heart leapt into my throat! He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket and knelt before me!

I will never forget his words as he presented the ring to me:

“This may seem sudden, but Larissa Matthews, would you please grant me the great joy of being my wife?”

As a tear of joy slipped from my eye, I told him that it would most certainly be my great joy as well.

I now understand his hesitation of the weekend before, and could not believe the romanticism of Erich.

Friday, February 16:

Gearing up for my finals next week. Am many-much nervous. Have been studying nearly around the clock. Thank God for a good, strong pot of coffee on those long nights.

It’s just that I will be the first in my family to have a college education. I guess I’ve felt a great pressure to succeed because of that. I want to do my parents proud, God rest their souls.

Wednesday, February 21:

Believe it or not, I have lived through my finals. Now, I wait impatiently for my grades.

Am so exhausted by all of the late night studying. Am glad that it is finally over.

Looking forward to graduation on March 4. Would not admit it to anyone, because I don’t want to seem vain, but feel like I’ve made a great accomplishment and am proud.

Think that I will nuke a Lean Cuisine and call it an early night.

Saturday, February 24:

Terri took me out shopping today – for my wedding gown. After visiting nearly every formal shop in town, I was beginning to get tired and frustrated. Nothing was speaking to me.

Then it happened. I found it! It is absolutely gorgeous!

Cannot wait to glide down the aisle in it.

Monday, February 26:

GPA of 4.5! Will be graduating with honors! Thrilled!

Saturday, March 3:

Erich took me out for a celebratory dinner. He told me that he was so proud of me, and couldn’t wait to watch me walk across the stage, diploma in hand. He said that Nina and Jean would be attending, too.

He has taken to calling me Dear. He said that now that I was a “free agent”, we may want to start thinking about wedding plans. Exhilarated! Cannot stop thinking about it.

Of course, Terri will be my Maid of Honor. I can tell that Nina and Jean want to be Bridesmaids. Think that would be a great idea.

Must think about all of this later, but soon. Tomorrow will be a most important day in my life.

Sunday, March 4:

Woke early, feeling nervous and excited at the same time. Got myself ready and got in place in the lineup outside of the auditorium. As the next person stepped upon the stage and the line in front of me got shorter, I got more nervous.

After my name was called and I began to walk towards the far end of the stage, I heard a voice call out, “Larissa!” Looked in the stands to see Erich. “You go, girl!” he cheered out to me, raising his fist into the air.

What a nut he is!

Saturday, March 10:

Have no idea how I’ll sleep tonight.

Erich and I met to discuss our wedding plans.

Erich wants to have the wedding at his family’s church, Our Lady Of Grace. I’d love that! I’ve been there with him before, and it is just beautiful. It is an old building, constructed in the 1900’s. It is very ornately designed, and when the sun shines through the stained glass windows, it’s like a rainbow. His family minister has already asked to perform the service.

I told him about wanting Terri to be the Maid of Honor and Nina and Jean to be the Bridesmaids. He thought that was great, and was sure that they’d love to.

He told me that he was making a good income, and that it was completely up to me whether or not I wanted to pursue a career or not. I told him that I had a “career” in mind, but it may not be what he expected. He looked at me, intrigued, and asked what that may be. I answered “Mommy.”

I asked him please, Erich, can we have a baby right away? He beamed at me, and said that was to be his next question. We each welled up a bit and hugged each other, excited at the possibility.

We’ve set the date for Sunday, April 1, April Fools Day. We both laughed when we said that this meant that we would be fooling everyone who thought that we were moving too fast.

I begin moving into Erich’s house this coming week. We’ve decided to save our first time for our wedding night, so I’ll be sleeping in his guest room for a while.

True, things have been moving fast, but I just know that this is meant to be.

Sunday, March 18:

Oh, my aching head!

Terri threw my bachlorette party last night, and she went all out. Drinks, snacks, movies, trashy lingerie – even the male stripper. Nina and Jean went crazy on the picture of frozen margaritas and actually slipped dollar bills into his super-bikini bottoms. We all hooted and hollered as if we had never seen a man before.

Now, I’ve woke to a grand mess and a hangover. Guess I’d better clean up. That’s after I go back to bed for a while.

Sunday, March 25:

Wonderful day!

Terri threw my bridal shower today.

Even though Erich’s house is fully equipped, I still received some things that we didn’t have.

It was great to see my friends from college again. Everyone is wishing us well.

Only six more days until I will be Mrs. Erich Donovan!

Sunday, April 1:

Must write quickly. Erich is eager to drag me off to the bedroom of our bridal suite!

Was the most beautiful day of my life!

I felt like a princess walking down the aisle, especially after I saw a very handsome Erich in his tux waiting on me. The sunlight was beaming through the stained glass windows, which made everything all that more magical. When I reached the alter, everything felt so right.

After our vows, Erich grasped me in the most amorous embrace ever. He dipped me deeply and kissed me passionately. So much so that the congregation hooted at us!

Erich swept me up into his arms and carried me out of the church. We laughed gleefully as we were pelted with bird seed. We made our great escape.

We had a romantic dinner, checked into our bridal suite, and…

Oh! Here he comes, crinkling his index finger at me!

Monday, April 2:

Last night was bliss, pure bliss!

So glad that we waited.

So glad that I waited.

I had talked to some of my girlfriends in high school and college about sex. They had told me about their experiences. Some were casual and some were serious. But there must have been a magical bond occur between me and Erich last night. I felt a passion that I never would have imagined possible. It was nothing like any of my girlfriends had ever told me about.

When I finally got the guts up to tell him that I was a virgin, he promised to handle me with tender loving care – and he most certainly did.

After he made tender love to me, he held me close all night long. We woke this morning, still in our entanglement.

I truly am Mrs. Erich Donovan, bonded for life.

Easter Sunday, April 8:

Erich and I went to his family’s church for the special Easter service. I got to meet a lot of relatives and friends. Everyone was so warm and friendly, and welcomed me as the newest Donovan. Special dinner followed at his grandmother’s house.

Feeling a little tired, so I think that I will take a nap.

Monday, April 16:

Haven’t written in a while. Haven’t been feeling too great. A little on the weak side, and getting nauseated easily. Sure hope I don’t have the Spring flu that’s going around.

Monday, April 23:

Still can’t shake the bug. After talking to Erich about it, he said that he doubted that it was the flu. If it was, I should be starting to feel some better by now. He said that I should consult my calendar with a bit of a grin.

Yup – late.

Could it really be this soon? Must call doctor.

Friday, April 27:

Just returned from the doctor.

AM PREGNANT!!!

Can’t wait to tell Erich when he gets home tonight. Actually have a bit of an idea. Must get to the grocery store to prepare a special dinner.

Will do Cornish hens (baby chickens), baby carrots, baby peas, and petite potatoes.

Wonder if he’ll figure it out?

Saturday, April 28:

Erich arrived home late last night. He got called out of his office to the hospital about mid-day. The delivery had been particularly difficult, especially considering his limited experience. It seemed as if he had forgotten about my appointment, which was to my advantage, as I began setting dinner on the table.

Erich watched as I brought one thing at a time: the Cornish hens, the baby carrots, the baby peas, and petite potatoes about the size of golf balls.

It finally dawned on him. He looked at me with a surprised expression, asking if all of this was a hint. I couldn’t contain myself any longer. He jumped up and ran to me, swept me up, and twirled me around, laughing. He then sat me down, knelt before me, and kissed my belly.

We are both floating on Cloud Nine.

Monday, May 7:

Erich and I can’t stop talking about the baby. We’ve told nearly everyone that we know. They’re all so excited for us, and can’t believe that it’s happened so quickly.

He said that I’ll be able to have my ultrasound in August, and do we want to know the baby’s sex or be surprised? We talked about it a lot, and decided that it didn’t matter as long as it was healthy.

Bought a baby name book and a pregnancy book today. Of course, Erich is a wealth of information, but I think that the reading and the discovery for myself will be exciting. Since I lost my parents to a car crash when I was twelve and was raised throughout my teens by my grandmother, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to. Sure, Mom and I had “The Talk”, but Grandma was a very reserved person, and just didn’t talk about those types of things. Since my sister Bess is eight years older than me, she was a great help in that area.

Must grab some saltines and Sprite – becoming nauseous again.

Sunday, May 13:

This has always been a hard day for me – Mothers’ Day – and I’ve found it even harder this year, since everything has happened. Got some daffodils, Mom’s favorite, and went to visit her gravesite.

Every time I visit, I just sit on her mound and talk aloud to her – I know that she can hear me. I told her all about Erich, the wedding, and the baby. Oh, how I wish that she were here for me to talk to, instead of buried beneath me. I just hope that I can be half as good of a mother as she was.

After I had talked to her, I just sat there for the longest time. A feeling of peace began to wash over me, as if she were telling me how happy she was for me, and reassuring me that I would do just great as a mother.

Called Bess that night – a ritual that we’ve always followed on Mothers’ Day. We talk about all of the good memories we have of Mom, and it helps to ease our missing her. It was so good to hear her voice. She lives cross country, so I rarely get to see her.

She’s promised a visit when the baby is born – I can hardly wait.

Monday, May 21:

Erich and I have been hard at work. I knew about the empty bedroom that he had. But I had no idea that when he bought the house, that he wanted two spare rooms – one as a guest room and one as a nursery.

He said that was why he became an OB/GYN – he’s fascinated by birth and adores babies and children. He’s so looked forward to his own, and it is now on the way. I’m happy to become a mother, but I am also happy to make him a father.

We’ve given the room a fresh coat of paint, and stenciled a border of pink and blue bunnies and chicks around the ceiling. We found a beautiful matching set of a rocking chair and a crib at an antique show, and just couldn’t resist it.

Everything is becoming so cozy.

Wednesday, June 6:

Memorial Day.

I always devote this day to my dear grandmother.

I don’t know what I would ever have done without her. And it’s not just because she practically raised me. She was a wonderfully supportive woman in her own right.

When Mom and Dad died, we sort of supported each other in a way. Grandma was there to take me in, and I think that having me to care for helped her to not be quite as upset. It seemed as if it gave her a purpose in life. Soon, Grandma became a second mother to me.

Carnations. Grandma always loved carnations. I took a bouquet to her grave, sat with her, and talked to her for a while. I know that she can hear me.

Talked to Bess again tonight. Even though she was never cared for by Grandma – I was twelve and she was twenty – she always helps me through.

Sunday, June 17:

Haven’t written much lately, but this is a difficult time of year for me. I always fall into a deep depression.

First, it’s Mothers’ Day. Then Memorial Day – Grandma’s day. Now, the next struggle – Fathers’ Day.

One of my Dad’s favorite things to do as a boy was to skip rocks across the river. That and fish. He could do both all day long. So, every Fathers’ Day, I go to the river banks where my Dad played as a boy and pick up a rock. I take it to him at his gravesite. Somehow, the rocks never remain – I guess the groundskeepers pick them up. But I always see to it that he gets a new one each year.

I told him about Erich, and that I’m sure that he would approve of him as a husband for me. I told him how he dotes on me and the baby, and that I just know that he’ll be a wonderful father.

I hope that my Dad is happy for me. Somehow, I believe that he is – I can feel it.

Monday, June 25:

After dinner each night, Erich and I sit besides each other on the couch and look over the baby name book. We keep a notebook of possible names, which constantly changes. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes, one wonders what the other is thinking.

Am learning quite a bit from reading my pregnancy book. Even though it is early, everything is running on schedule so far – am nearly constantly nauseated, very emotional, and easily upset. Don’t know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all day long. Saltines are my lifesaver – have begun carrying a sleeve in my purse.

Terri took me shopping today for maternity clothes. She says that I’ll be as big as a cow before I know it.

Looking forward to our 4th of July celebration.

Wednesday, July 4:

Had Terri, Nina, Jean, and a couple of Erich’s friends over tonight. We were invited to the celebration at the nearby Country Club, but decided to pass. We wanted to be amongst friends. We live very close to the Country Club, so we grilled burgers and stole a view of their fireworks from atop the roof of the house.

At the end of the evening, nearly midnight, they really let go. They sent off a barrage of fireworks, exhausting their supply. As I sat and watched the rainbow of colors and heard all of the booms and whistles, a most wondrous thing happened.

It was so subtle, but I’m sure that it happened. I felt a tiny quiver deep within my belly, almost like a worm wriggling around. I asked Erich about it as we went to bed, and he told me that was the first stirrings of the baby.

Everything suddenly seems so real now.

Monday, July 16:

Have finally settled on baby names. Erich understands how important my grandparents were to me, and agrees with me that it would be a great honor to them to name the baby after one of them. James for a boy and Susannah for a girl.

In a few weeks, I get to have my ultrasound. Will finally get to hear the baby’s heartbeat and see its tiny self. Erich told me that this was a great indicator of the vitality of the baby.

Didn’t realize that I am still in a vulnerable position. Thought that all was safe after feeling the quiver. But Erich said for me not to worry, that I’m not showing any signs of trouble.

That was a great comfort to me. Dearly love this baby, and am excited by each day of its development. It’s miraculous, really, when you think about it. I have a tiny human being growing deep within my body.

How cool is that?

Tuesday, August 14:

Ultrasound was today – an utter miracle.

We got to see the tiny white form of the baby against the dark background. Heard the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of its heartbeat.

There really is a baby in me!!!

Tech asked if we wanted to know the sex. Said that she had a great view, and could tell us without any doubt.

Erich and I looked questioningly at each other. He said that it was up to me. Simply couldn’t help myself. Asked the tech to tell me.

I am most proud to announce that Susannah is on her way.

Friday, August 17:

Black day.

Erich lost a baby.

I do believe that he is still in a state of shock.

The umbilical cord became wrapped around the baby’s neck – a fairly common occurrence. Usually the doctor can just slip it off. Except this time, the cord was wound very tightly. Erich couldn’t get his fingers under the cord, and time was of the essence. He immediately called for the specialist on staff, but he arrived too late.

Erich had to tell the mother. God, I can only imagine. At least the specialist stood by him for moral support.

He arrived home tear-faced, went directly to the bedroom, and lay curled up crying. I had no idea how to help him, so I just lay behind him and held him.

His chief stopped by later that evening. They talked for about an hour in his home office. Erich seemed some better when they came out. The chief left me with few words – “just be there” was all that he said to me.

Erich took one of the Klonopins that his chief gave him and we went to bed. I gave him a good night hug, and Susannah shifted. He began to cry again.

Oh God, what are we going to do?

Sunday, August 19:

Erich stayed after church today to ask the priest for forgiveness for the death of the baby. I can’t get through to him. Hopefully this will help.

Monday, September 3:

Labor Day – God.

The hospital that Erich practices at usually has an evening reception to celebrate their field. Kind of like a play on words – “labor” day. We had been looking forward to it, but that was before what has become termed “that day”.

I haven’t had the heart to tell Erich about Susannah’s stirrings. But every time his is close enough to feel one, I can see a crushing look cross his face. He has begun to doubt his ability as a doctor and future ability as a father. His chief has had to pull him through a few times. He told me the other night that he didn’t want to hold her, that he would only drop her on her head. No matter what I say or do, I cannot get through to him.

I’m not a doctor, but it seems to me that he’s been popping the Klonopins quite often.

I suggested counseling, and he looked at me incredulously.

At Erich’s request, we’ve begun sleeping back to back. He can’t handle feeling Susannah.

I pray to God that he will come around – she will need him.

Friday, September 7:

Pressed Erich’s shirt for him this morning and carried it into the bedroom. Erich was getting ready for the office. Saw him in the adjoining bathroom, digging in the medicine cabinet.

I saw him shake out some of his pills. Even from my distance, I could tell that it was more than one, and more than two. I backed out of the room for a minute, and then walked back in, announcing myself. I don’t think that he saw me.

Am greatly scared and worried about him.

Friday, September 14:

Have decided that even though Erich won’t see a counselor, that’s no reason why I can’t. Really need someone to talk to about things that I can’t discuss with any of my friends.

She has really helped me a lot. Do believe that I will continue to see her. She has helped me to better understand a little of what Erich is going through and how to help him. She is sure that when Susannah comes, he will react happily to her.

Told her about the pills. She is concerned too. Suggested that I may talk to his prescriber. Can’t do that – prescriber is his chief.

Must have faith in her. She does seem confident.

Monday September 24:

Went to talk to Erich’s chief today. Told him of my concerns (except for the pills). He assured me that they were doing everything that they could to support Erich. Also said that he was sure that I was a great help as well. Said that they preferred to handle these situations “in house”. Feel as if I’ve gotten the brush-off.

Don’t know what more I can do.

Thursday, October 4:

Haven’t been feeling too well lately – very weak. It also seems as if Susannah hasn’t been as active as usual. Called the doctor, and they asked if I could come in tomorrow morning.

Am becoming worried.

Saturday, October 6:

Was at the doctor’s office nearly all day yesterday. After performing a battery of tests, she said that she had news, but that I shouldn’t be panicked. Which of course panicked me.

Susannah has had a stunt in her development and is weak. It’s not alarming, she said. Some babies just “take a break”. This means that I have to take things very easy…no heavy lifting, no strenuous activity, no exercising, etc. I am also very susceptible to stress, and must stay as calm as possible.

Cannot allow things to continue the way that they are concerning Erich. Time to have a heart-to-heart with him.

Sunday, October 7:

Couldn’t delve into things with Erich the way that I should have last night.

After hearing the doctor’s news, he has become convinced that we are going to lose Susannah. He became inconsolable. Much as I hate to, it looks like I’m going to have to give him a couple of days to regroup.

In the meantime, it will give me some time to think of exactly what I should say.

Thursday, October 11:

Finally spoke with Erich last night. Simply told him that we had a lot of tough issues that had been surrounding us, and that they couldn’t be swept under the rug any longer.

Told him that I knew all about the pills, and that it must stop. He broke into tears, and made a confession to me.

His chief believed that he had a problem, and wanted him to see one of the doctors on staff at the hospital. He said that this doctor specializes in addictions, and that everything would be kept completely confidential. Erich told his chief that he would think about it. “Think hard”, that’s what he told Erich.

Erich said that now that I’ve mentioned it as well, that it must be true. He has agreed to see the doctor.

I also told him that he can’t go on ignoring Susannah. She needs him and I need him, even more now than ever. Just then, as if by fate, a tiny foot made a bump on my belly. I quickly grabbed Erich’s hand and placed it on the bump. I simply told him that was HIS baby, HIS Susannah. He hovered over my belly, told Susannah how much he has missed her, and kissed the bump.

I believe that the old Erich is slowly beginning to return.

Friday, October 26:

Erich has been doing well with Dr. Henson. The withdrawals of going off Klonopin suddenly, especially at the high doses that Erich had gotten up to, would have been dangerous. Dr. Henson has been lowering his doses, working his way to taking him completely off it. Erich says that he already feels much better.

We have planned a bit of a costume party for Halloween. Have invited Terri, Nina, Jean, and a few of Erich’s friends. We will be grilling steaks, drinking Bloody Marys (just mixer for me) and watching The Shining.

Am going goofy on my costume. Have found an old gaudy wedding gown. Terri is going to rat my hair up and has vivid blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick. Susannah is WAY out there, so that will complete the look. Am going as the shotgun wedding bride.

The girls are keeping their costumes a secret. I can hardly wait.

Thursday, November 1:

Howling good time at the party last night. Everyone thought that I was a hoot. Terri ended up as a French maid, Nina was a harem girl, and Jean was Tinkerbell. Erich ended up with a pirate and a punk rock star in tow. But Erich’s costume was outrageous – a clown. He had went all-out, with the huge shoes, red ball nose, and multi-colored frizzy wig. I laughed my ass off.

Saturday, November 3:

Woke early in the morning with back pain and stomach cramps. Have read enough in my pregnancy book to know what this very well could be. Went to the bathroom, and found that I was spotting pretty heavily.

Immediately ran to Erich, who raced me to the E.R.

I was given drugs to stop my contractions, and was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Erich has assured me that he will take perfect care of me. He has explained everything to his chief, and has asked for a leave of absence. It has been granted until my stabilization after my delivery.

I thank God for him.

Saturday, November 10:

With all that has occurred over the past few months, Erich and I felt like we needed some time to reconnect as a family. He lit the chimenia, and we bundled up in throws on the deck, taking in the foliage. We grilled out, despite the weather, but decided to eat inside.

Erich had set up a romantic “picnic” for us…a fire in the fireplace and a blanket in front of it. We settled down on our blanket and ate our dinner. After that, we necked again, much like in our early days. We must have woke Susannah, because she became very active. Erich took in every one of her kicks.

Must rest now – have probably been too active today.

Sunday, November 11:

Veterans’ Day – so miss my Grandfather.

He was shot down in a dogfight in WWII.

I never got the chance to know him, but I’ve heard from my family that he was a most wonderful man.

I’m on bed rest, so I can’t go visit him. Think that I will write him a letter.

Grandpa:

Even though we’ve never met, I’ve always loved you and you’ve always meant so much to me. I’ve heard many stories of your compassionate and loving nature. I used to beg family members for more and more stories about you. I was so intrigued. Some have brought laughter and some have brought tears. I’ve seen old pictures of you, so that makes me feel a bit closer to you.

You lost your life defending our country, and I’m most proud of your bravery and heroism. Grandma once showed me all of the medals that you earned. I was so in awe of you.

I’m all grown up now, Grandpa, believe it or not. I’m married to a wonderful man, and expecting your great grandchild. You will be proud to know that we have named the baby Susannah, after Grandma. Baby and I are not all that well, or I would be standing by your mausoleum right now.

I pray that you will approve of my life. I’m happy, Grandpa. I just want you to know that.

Your baby,

Larissa

I folded the letter into a paper airplane and launched it out of the bedroom window with all of my strength. It flew surprisingly far, gliding upon the air.

Wherever it may land, I know that he will get it.

Saturday, November 17:

Have been blue, thinking of the holidays confined into bed. I cannot cook and prepare for a meal and celebration. But Erich has come up with a wonderful idea.

We had planned on spending the holidays with his family. Erich is having his family come to our house instead for Thanksgiving. Everyone is going to tend to the meal and all of the details, so that I don’t have to worry about lifting a finger.

Am most thrilled.

But feel a little guilty though. Still feel that I should be doing things.

But still, can hardly wait.

Thursday, November 22:

Was a most wonderful day.

Erich’s Mom, Aunt, Grandmother, and Sister prepared a delicious dinner. Everyone else had decorated the house in a harvest theme. Erich helped me to my wheelchair and rolled me into the dining room. Everyone welcomed me heartily, as if I were the guest of honor.

A tradition in Erich’s family is to have dinner first. Then, everyone goes around the table and tells what they are thankful for receiving that year. When it became my turn, I clung to Erich’s arm and said that I was thankful for him. Just then, Susannah decided to turn her head around, and a rounded lump rose from my belly. I leaned back and pointed to it, and said that of course I was most thankful for her, too. Everyone laughed.

Erich said that with such a movement, that it won’t be long now.

Thursday, December 6:

Bess arrived for a long stay today. Was many-much excited to see her. She hugged me, and commented that I’m so big that she can’t get her arms all the way around me. Erich offered to sleep in the guest room so that we could spend the night together.

Bess and I lay awake all night long talking about nearly everything. She tearfully told me how happy she was that Susannah had developed so healthfully. Said that I must have dodged the curse somehow.

The Matthew Women’s Curse:

Bess has been pregnant three times, but has no children. All of her pregnancies have ended in miscarriages. The last one was in such an advanced state of pregnancy, that her doctor told her that she shouldn’t try to get pregnant again.

Same thing with Mom. Bess and I are her only children. Bess is pregnancy number two and I’m pregnancy number four. After me the warning was issued to Mom.

Same thing with Grandma. She lost two babies before she had Mom. After that, it was just too hurtful, and they never tried for any more.

I guess that I am truly blessed.

Friday, December 14:

Becoming mildly irritated with Bess. Trying to not get too upset, because I know that she means well.

She constantly runs into the bedroom with everything imaginable: tea, warm milk, snacks, heating pad for my back, books, magazines, my meds strictly on time, etc. She has even elevated my feet on a pillow and tucked me in. She tells me that I need my rest, but wakes me half the time she comes in with something. Know that she wants to nurse her baby sister, so I humor her.

Erich thinks that the whole thing is so funny, but is touched by her caring. He jokingly offered her a job as a nurse at his hospital. They both laughed about it, as Bess laid a damp washcloth on my forehead.

Boy, I’ll be glad when Susannah finally decides to make her arrival.

Monday December 17:

I take my last labor suppressing pill today!

Susannah is now officially due, and could come at any time!

YES!!!

Friday, December 21:

Terri, Nina, and Jean came over tonight to meet Bess. Everyone had such a great time. We sat up late watching old movies and eating popcorn.

Jean has begun a Mary Kay sideline to her secretarial job. She brought her entire sample kit, and we spent the wee hours giving each other makeovers. It was almost like a slumber party.

Bess dutifully made sure that I laid on the couch and that everyone else stretched out on the carpet.

We had cocoa with mini marshmallows before the girls left at 3am. Bess and I went to bed. She rubbed my belly, saying that she would meet her niece soon. I certainly hope so – Susannah keeps me up most all night with her antics.

Monday, December 24:

Is the wee hours, have had an incredible day, and the house is jumping, but I must simply write this now for posterity.

Woke early this morning with substantial back pain and stomach cramps. It wasn’t long before my water broke. A slow but steady snow had begun falling the night before. We live on a hill with a steep and treacherous driveway. Erich decided that it wouldn’t be safe to try to get down it. This left one option – a home delivery – which hadn’t been planned at all. Lucky for me that Erich and Bess sprung into action. I was a nervous wreck.

Erich said that during the first phase of my labor, I would be dilating, and that I could carry on as usual for a while. If there’s anything that I want to do, I should do it now. So, I had a light lunch of chicken noodle soup and took a long hot shower. Bess would not leave my side.

By mid-day, I rocked back in the recliner and tried to watch a bit of TV. I grasped my stomach, felt my contractions, and was not shy about my cries of pain. For once, I was most thankful that Bess was overly attentive. Erich timed my contractions and examined me periodically. He finally announced that I was fully effaced, and that it wouldn’t be long now.

They walked me around the house, one on each side. Erich said that gravity was my friend now. After some time of this, I told Erich that I felt the need to push now. We stopped walking, and he felt between my legs. A look of wonder spread across his face. “I can feel Susannah’s head” he cried out as he swept me up into his arms and carried me into the bedroom.

Bess sat next to me, grasping my hand, as Erich ordered me to push, push, push. Squealed out to Erich that yes, yes, I was pushing. He demanded that I had to do better, harder. Really wanted to whop him one. After much arguing between us, he asked me if I had just one more really hard push left in me. Mostly out of spite for him, I grunted my guts out, then felt Susannah slip out of my body.

Erich rushed to his medical bag and aspirated her nose and smacked her bottom, so that she would be stunned into breathing.

Then, I heard her first cries. He cut the chord and delivered the afterbirth. Then, he and Bess disappeared into the bathroom with Susannah. They soon returned, and Erich placed her on my chest. He announced, “Mrs. Donovan, you have a baby girl.” I have never felt so whole in my entire life.

Erich told me that he needed to tend to me a bit, for me to just enjoy my first moments with Susannah. I knew what was coming, so I gave her to Bess. She held her with one arm and gripped my hand with her other as Erich administered lidocaine and stitched up my tear.

It is now 5am, and we can hear the city road scrapers running. We have decided that Susannah should be everyone’s Christmas surprise tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 25:

I sat in my wheelchair in the middle of the living room, holding Susannah. As the guests arrived, one by one, they were utterly amazed by the “Christmas baby”.

Am overwhelmed.

Monday, December 31:

What a year it has been! Even though we have had our trials, cannot believe the great fortune that I have had. Is midnight now. I can hear the gang in the den singing auld land sign and the pops of champagne corks. Can also hear Susannah cooing in her sleep in her crib.

Think that I will join everyone. After all, has been the most amazing year of my life.

Footnote:

Larissa tied the ribbon on her 2007 diary. She slipped the blank 2008 issue from the shopping bag, and began to think of her first entry.

Boy, what if 2008 is anything like 2007? How will I ever hold up?

Larissa laughed at the thought.