And what do YOU do?

                                              And what do YOU do?



Do you ever look back and think of a particular phrase you said to someone and wish desperately you could take it back? When I have someone ask me this pointed question, it always takes me back nineteen years ago when I was at an awards banquet with my husband.



We had only been married for about a year and a half. As a surprise to us, God had humored us with a baby a year after we wed, so at this time in our lives, we had a daughter who was four months old.  My husband worked for a large defense contractor and was admirably receiving an award at this banquet as “inventor of the year”. We were pretty proud of ourselves. The future was bright. When I learned he was going to be honored among the bigwigs of his company, I went right out and bought myself a new dress. It was purchased at one of these discount warehouse stores and I later learned I was probably going to wear the dress once or twice and throw it away. The cleaning instructions read “spot clean only”, which in my book means, “you can’t clean it”.  But it was beautiful, royal blue and sequined.  Anyway, as we were getting ready for the gala event that evening, I realized the store had left the sensor tag on my dress. Have you ever tried to remove one of those things by yourself? My husband dutifully got out his tools to remove the sensor. With one fatal gesture, he ripped my dress and sliced his finger. He was bleeding profusely, but all I could think was, “what am I going to wear NOW?”

Of course at this time, we were starting to run late. I hurried back to my bathroom and returned with the only bandages we had in the house. You know, the ones with Mickey Mouse on them. I removed the tourniquet and fixed him up good so I could turn my attention to my dress. Never underestimate the creativity of a woman in distress. As a girl who flunked home economics in junior high school, I knew exactly what I had to do. I went to the utililty room and produced a roll of masking tape. I taped up my dress from the inside, and we were ready to get to the banquet and accept that award.



When we arrived, we learned we were to sit at the same table, and consequently right next to, the director of my husband’s highly visible program.  I was pretty nervous. As I was nibbling on my “weed” salad, I was anxiously trying to come up with something intelligible to say to the director’s wife. They were probably 25 years older than us and certainly been around the high society block a lot more times than we had. She looked well manicured and coiffed, strong, yet graceful and exuding wisdom. I had exchanged a few words with the director, and now decided to address HER, which was a lot scarier to me than talking to HIM.  So I turned to her and politely asked, “And what do YOU do?” It seemed like an okay question to ask at the time. You know, get her to talk about herself, open up a bit.  Honestly, I don’t even remember what she SAID. But I vividly remember the look on her FACE. It was a look that I totally understand now when people ask  me, “and what do YOU do”?  It was almost a scathing look that said, “What DON’T I do?”  I don’t have a recognized “job” or an important title according to our society. When I answer, “mom” or “wife”, that doesn’t seem to pacify anybody. Nobody gives me monetary awards for a job well done and I’ve never seen a promotion. I don’t earn bonuses like you’d consider bonuses and I’ve worked hard for years and years and NEVER gotten a raise. In fact, the many successes I’ve experienced in my married/child-rearing life have never even been calculated.  The home in which we live is well -organized.  My children are happy and my husband is satisfied. My kids have learned piano, flute and violin.  They each excel in a sport, not by luck, but by playing in many leagues, taking many lessons and attending MANY events. My teenage daughter is a leader in a Christian organization on her public high school campus and held in high esteem. All my kids are bright and successful in school because they’ve had someone who is there every day when they get home to take an interest in what they’re doing and encourage them. I check on their grades, meet with their teachers, quiz them for tests. We promote excellence in every facet of our lives. It takes time, a whole lot of time.  Our bills are paid, there is food in the refrigerator, sometimes there is even a meal prepared. The flowerbeds are free of weeds, the linens on the beds are fresh and crisp. Our clothes are clean and lovingly folded. The dog has had her shots and the cats have been fed. The clothes have been picked up from the drycleaner and countless extra trips to school have been made for forgotten articles such as lunches made at 6 a.m. and essays written late at night.  We have each visited the doctor, the dentist, and the orthodonist, except for me of course. Oh yes, and I believe I had lunch! What do I DO?! What do I DO!?



It was all there, in that one look on her face. Nineteen years and three children later, I understand what that “look” meant.  I don’t need to be ashamed of what I do, and undoubtedly, she didn’t either. The last several years I’ve been able to answer with complete satisfaction, “I’m raising a family”.  I no longer think of it as a “lesser” occupation, what “I do” is extremely valuable. In fact, just like any other job, the more time I spend at it, the better I perform. The job certainly has its ups and downs, and it’s a lonely job at times. However, I plan to reap the benefits at the end, and maybe, just maybe my children will arise and call me blessed.  I don’t remember this woman’s name or never really knew much about her. But I do know she taught me a valuable lesson without saying a word.



As we nervously anticipated my husband’s name being called to go accept his award, I glanced at his big, strong hands. He proudly wore his Mickey Mouse bandage on his long index finger.  We made our way to the stage in front of the crowd. I was just hoping nobody could see the tape on my dress.  We stood smiling with the CEO of this major corporation while Brett was recognized for a job well done. He accepted his plaque and reached out to shake the president’s hand, with Mickey in full view.