"Hi. I don't know how to start these things. Partly because this is my first time." |
Hi. I don't know how To start these things. Partly because this Is my first time. I'm new to this, You know? A virgin, You might say. To talks like this. Heart to heart, Raw. First, I'd like To point out just how Kind. Sweet. Adorable. Wonderful. You are to me. I think you are Incredible and I want you to know that More than anything else. I don't like To say this. I don't think that I've ever Said this. But here it goes. I love you. Not that hard typing the words But saying them Will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But a fact is a fact. And you know how I am about Telling you the truth. So, Now that's over with. Sappy time's over, sweetie. I do love you, But I also hate you. Surprise, surprise. Bet you couldn't tell. I'm good at it, Hiding my emotions Cleverly behind a well Thought out joke Or behind my simple Silence. But I do. This past year has been The best of my life. The worst of my life. You've made me so Happy and exuberant. You've made me so Angry and sad. You pretty much control My feelings. I think you own stock, Actually. That's how powerful you are To me. That's how much I need you To lie to me. I know, I know. You should always just Tell the truth. Makes it easier in the end. But the truth of the matter is That that only happens When the truth comes first. I wasn't really thinking During that call of ours. Call me love-drunk. I probably was. So when I said that thing And you said that other Thing I wasn't thinking. Then again, Do I ever actually think? Okay, okay, I get it. You were scared To tell me at first But you did And now you think Because I am so completely Ready for it You drop the bomb. "You won't tell anyone, Right?" "...I think that's a given." ...I think those are words I'd give to take back. I'm a terrible secret keeper. I'm a gossiper at heart. It's a girl thing Or maybe it's just me. I can't ever tell the difference These days. I... I... Dammit, why'd you tell me To keep it a secret? I wish You'd never said such a thing. I wish You could take what you said back. I wish You could make me forget. I wish You could go Haitian on me. Silly me. You were never a hero. Were you? And please, please I'm begging you. Don't talk to me about that person. I'm glad you like them I'm glad you think that I'm strong enough To handle this. But I can't I can't can't can't Can't can't can't can't. Is this really what love Feels like? If it is, Then love is a terrible, terrible Curse that I don't wish Upon anyone. The twisty heart thing Just doesn't feel that good. Now would probably be the time Where I turn into Scarlet Black Superhero who always has A funny witticism. But the truth is And it's really, really funny, I'm not Scarlet Black. I'm Haley. This is me, Raw and exposed. Myself. I should probably stay away From you for a while. I think I'm addicted to your presence, be it Internet Life Phone Old Yearbook. It's gonna be hard to get you Out of my system. But I think I can. Choo, choo. And once you're gone, I think, Maybe, maybe, maybe When you say hi I won't get flutters When you talk about that person I won't get jealous And when you ask what I think of you I can say with truth and shamelessness "You're one of the best friends I have ever had And once upon a time, I used to think of you as my One and only." |