The Car

“THE CAR”



WRITTEN BY



BERNARD HANNA







Philip and his best friend Flanner (both 23 yrs old) enter a car dealership building. A slim dark haired salesman, with a short ponytail and dressed in a suit/tie combo approaches them hurriedly.



Salesman



Welcome to Automobile Deals For Real!? Can I help you guys?



Philip



Yea, I’m looking for a sports type kinda car. Nothing that’s too expensive, and good on gas. And well………, it has to be a “hoe getter”



Salesman looking confused



Hoe getter…….?



Philip looks embarrassed



Yea, you know. Something that’ll make the ladies want to jump right in



Salesman chuckles



I know what you mean; I’m just pulling your leg. But you shouldn’t go around using that kinda phrase. It’s wrong!



Philip in an apologetic tone



Yea, I’m sorry bout that. Actually I……



Salesman interrupts as though Philip was never speaking



It’s been played out since the time of the Pharisees (biblical) man! “Bitch Bringer” is more with the times if you know what I mean. Then of course there’s “Woman Wrangler”, Concubine Catcher…..the list goes on and on.



Philip and Flanner look at the salesman with a dumbfounded look





Philip



Okay, so what do you recommend, then?





Salesman looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully



Welllllll, personally I’d go with “Woman Wrangler” since it’s relatively new and…..





Philip interrupts



No, I mean what kind of car man!?





Salesman pops a bit of gum in his mouth, and smiles. He then claps his hands together as if an idea just came to him.





Have I got the car of the century for you lady killers! Follow me!





Philip and Flanner follows salesman towards a long line of cars nearby





Salesman





Oh, where are my manners today? The name’s Berst Sherbertstien, but you can just call me Berst. I own the place. What are your names?





Philip





I’m Philip





Flanner



Flanner’s the name





Berst laughing mockingly



What, did they name you after an oil company or something?





Flanner looks at Berst in a disgusted way





Yea, well it’s much better than Berst Sherbertstien. Sounds like a Dairy Queen concoction gone wrong!





Berst continues laughing, but obviously hurt from the comment





Hey, hey I’m just kidding with you. Don’t be like that. It’s all just for fun here man. It’s all good. We’re cool.





Berst suddenly stops next to a navy blue convertible, with a rather impressive paint scheme. It has matching silver and blue racing wheels, with a spoiler. He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and starts buffing the hood. At the middle of the grill were the letters, “S.D” in a splendid chrome finish.





Berst stops buffing, and grins at Phillip and Flanner mischievously.





Think you’re ready for this baby!?





Philip pauses for awhile, freaked out by the exterior beauty of the car





Well it looks really nice, but I don’t think I can afford it. Looks like a gas guzzler too. Never saw this type of car before either. What is it? And what does, “S.D” stand for?







…………TO BE CONTINUED.