The Diary

THE DIARY


          Priscilla was emotiionally drained and although in a childlike disposition, she was untrusting.  How could she ever in her lifetime put her trust in another man.  She was devastated at the separation and it showed.  It had literally put a toll on her.


She'd given Jacob her all and all he'd given her was torture.  He'd manipulated and ruined her self esteem.  Five years of her life, five years of emotion and submissiveness.  Five years gone.  All of it gone.Now she was packing it all in tiny boxes.


He'd left her with the mere clothes on her back.  No love, no money, no man, and no sex.  She was left with nothing and to make matters worst, she was nothing without him.


A part of Priscilla wanted to fight but with all the fighting they'd did the night before, she had no fight left.  She sat at the edge of the bed frame looking at the pictures that were reminders of what she once had.  She tried to figure it all out. She tried to figure it all out.


She remembered the first time she'd met Jacob.  He was honest, trustworthy and reliable.  Something or someone had changed him and now he had changed her.


They had dated six months before he popped the question.  There had been no doubt in Priscilla's mind that she would marry him.  He were indeed her prince in shining armor.  He treated her like a queen.


No...something did not change him.  Someone did.  She knew who it was.  Somewhere along the bliss, everything went wrong.  Priscilla could no longer satisfy her man.  Or why would he cheat on her with another woman.  A woman Priscilla knew.


The other woman lived directly down the street and now she was probably somewhere watching as Priscilla packed up the remainder of her life.  Somewhere laughing and waiting to take her place with her husband.


Priscilla thought back to Jacob's commands.  "I don't want a divorce.  I just need a little space.  I love you honestly I do, but I'm feeling her.  When I'm done with her, I'll be back."  He'd said.


"Well, why do I have to leave?"  Priscilla had asked.

"Because she will not continue to see me with you here."  He'd replied.


He'd offered to set her up in a motel.  Priscilla was stupid but she wasn't that stupid.  She'd leave for good before she allow him to insult her more than he already had.


Four months later, Priscilla was cleaning the attic of her new home.  With help from family, friends, the community and public assistance even, she was able to strive to get her life back on track.  She was almost there.


The phone rang downstairs.  Priscilla raced to answer hoping not to miss a call from any job prospects.  On the last ring, she finally answered.  It was Jacob.  He wanted her to come back home.  He'd finished being an adulterer.


Priscilla hung up the phone and walked back up the stairs.  She hadn't gave Jacob the answer he was looking for but she didn't give him the answer she was hoping for.  He'd cried on the phone.


She cleared away the cobwebs in the corner and began to cry too.  She spreaded the debri with her hand and wrote his name with her fingers on the hardwood floor.


If she go back to cleaning, she thought, it could buy her some time and keep her mind off of everything.  She leaned upward to pull the empty box towards her.  She spotted something under the old bench that set in front of her.  She slid foreward and reached for the object.


She breathed heavily as she sat back down.  Her back hit the edge of the step and she whinced as she read the engraved letters on the hardcover.  4 L's.  4 L's she repeated in her mind.  What does that mean?  She opened the diary.


She began to read.



Date: Today;


Dear Diary,



"Today I cried for the very first time and today will be my last cry.  Today I cried for you but tomorrow I will smile.  I will not cry ever again, not for you my love.  Although it is very hard for me to stop loving you and I wish that I could I will not.  But I will start loving myself more.  You are my love and I love you but I do not love the way you make me feel.  It all stops here.  I will allow myself exactly 4 days to get myself together and on the fifth day, you my love, will cry, as I did.  I love, love, love you and will probably be with you forever because after today, I will never love again."



Date: The next day;


Dear Diary,



"I got up today and went to work as I do everyday.  I am looking my best, I am feeling my best and this day, I am loving myself.  It feels absolutely wonderful to be in charge.  To know that I am worthy.  To know that I don't have to hang on to something that is not there, if I don't want to.  It feels good to know that the choices I make are mine and mine alone and you can not make them for me.  This man, at my job, has been offering to buy me nice things forever but I would not give him the time of day because of you.  This day, all of that will change.  I want the loot, the loot, the loot and after this day, I will benefit from the finer things in life."



Date: The day after;


Dear Diary,



"After work, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some things to cook your dinner.  I feel good.  I wore something new to work.  You told me this morning how nice l looked and I agreed.  It didn't take me long to realize that your dinner was going to be nothing spectacular.  Just simple.  Just as you have treated me in the past.  Simple.  As I toted my bags to the car a fine gentleman passed me by and brushed up against me. By the time we'd exchanged looks, we too had exchanged numbers.  We will be going out next weekend.  Perfect eye candy, he is.  Just the look, look, look I'm needing to take me out on the town."



Date: The last day;


Dear Diary,



"I really needed a stress reliever.  What I needed was a drink.  I'd had a hell of a week.  I decided to go out with the girls.  Something I'd never done on a weekday.  Hell I never did it on the weekend, because of you.  The girls and I sat talking over blue motorcycles and they were damn right tasty.  I felt good.  I felt even better when by the end of the night I was going home with this creature who too had had too much to drink.  Did I mention I needed a stress reliever.  Well the drink was not it.  This guy gave it to me like no other.  He is definitely a keeper.  I liked the way he layed.  You could never do that.  Love was all you could give, and you weren't even good at that."


The Result:


"No woman should ever cry over a man unless he is giving her the most wonderful love she has ever received.  But sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we didn't mean to land in.  But it's okay because the same way the men can squirm their way out of things, we have to learn to get out of the mess we made.  Yes we make that mess.  Ain't no man going to treat us bad unless we allow them to.  In all reality, men are dummies but we make them appear smarter than what they are...by allowing them to do stupid things. 

One lesson you must learn that I had to learn on my own is that love is like medicine, just the right dose will cure you, too much of it will hurt you and not enough will leave you wanting more.  And most important of all, the most important message of all is you have to remember that if love is like medicine, then it too has side effects.

And you may have heard all of this before but what you haven't heard is my home made remedy for the puffy eyes and the broken heart.  You may not agree with me and it sure ain't written in stone but it damn sure worked for me. Are you ready?  Here it is...


Every woman should have at least 4 men in her life. At least until she meet that special someone who can provide her with all said ingredients.  I call them the 4 L's.  Love, Loot, Looks and a good Lay.  That's right, every woman should experience the 4 L's at some point in her life.


Love man- this is going to be the one she truly love.  The one who actually love her back but take her through the bull.  The one that makes her go out on her 4 day hunt.  The one she think she'll be with forever but will eventually find something better.  But for now, she loves him and he loves her and no one, not no one could break them up, except the 4 L man.


Loot Man-this is going to be the one who can provide for her financially.  Buy her things no one else can.  She will not allow this man to pay her bills but he will buy her nice clothes and make sure she got that spending money.  Ain't nothing else this one can do for her.  Nothing.  He's much older and a settler.  Just her presence, if only for five minutes, is good enough for him. And he knows this but she pretend she like his style so he pretend to believe her.


Looks Man-this is the one who is going to go out with her to fancy restaurants, plays, movies, whereever the two of them feel like going.  Simply because they look good together.  However he is her eye candy.


And last but definitely not least:


Lay Man-this is the man who is going to put it down in the bedroom.  Make her feel like one of those women in those soap operas.  He will go out of his way to satisfy her if it takes all night and the next day no questions, no answers.  There will be no talk of relationships, no feelings conjuring and most important no daytime phone calls.  He is what he is.



So to the person that finds this Diary...now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it?"



Priscilla closed the diary and was astonished at what she'd just read.  This is insane, she thought, this person is crazy.  She flipped through the pages and looked all over the back of the diary to see if there were anything else.  Some initials, clues to another diary, something. She stumbled up the step to look for any other books lying around.  She found nothing. 


And then she did what she hoped any woman in her shoes would do.


"Hello."  Jacob answered on the first ring.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah baby?"  Jacob was excited to hear Priscilla's voice.

"I'm coming home." 


Questions:


1.  What do you think Priscilla did with the information she found in the Diary?


2.  What do you (the reader) think of the information written in the Diary?


3.  How would you have been different from Priscilla?


4.  How would you have been the same?