A Devil Loose in Heaven

Spike was an adolescent Devil, born and raised in downtown Hell. Like many devils his age, he felt the need to explore, fight, maim and be a general nuisance. Blame the age. Blame the society. Blame the fact that he didn't have a proper father figure growing up. There might be any number of reasons for his need to act out, but when it comes down to it. Spike was a Devil, acting out is pretty much what they do.

One day while pushing the bounds of exploration in search of something do destroy, Spike found a set of train tracks that seemed to cut the city off from the rest of the world(Something he might have been aware of had he ever paid attention in school.) Everything on the other side of the tracks looked nicer. Immediately there was green grass like he had never seen before. Sure he had seen plenty of grass but it was usually dry and brown. As he crossed over the tracks a deep hatred welled within him. He began tearing at the grass, doing his best to destroy as much of it as he could before some authority figure came to interrupt his fun.

An hour may have gone by, and the grass around Spike looked severely punished, but no authorities came to stop his madness. He flopped back on the torn up grass, exhausted. "Man, it's like I've died and gone to heaven. Green grass, destruction and no one to disturb my fun. This is amazing." As he looked up at the sky, something new caught his attention... Blue sky; it creeped him out a little. He had never seen sky that wasn't turbulent with storm clouds. There was a stillness about the blue sky that frightened him, that made him wonder what the sky was up to and what it might try to do to him if he laid there much longer.

Spike climbed back to his feet. "Yeah, fine, I'll be on my way then. No need to loom over me like a ninja. I get your point." But he didn't feel like going home yet. He wanted to explore more of this strange land. So he headed north, putting more distance between him and those mystical train tracks.

After a short bit of meandering, Spike happened upon a street like no other he had ever seen. It had a shiny golden look about it. He knelt down and tapped at a brick with one of his knives. "Holy crap! It's metal. But it couldn't be?" It was. Spike used his knife to pry up one of the golden bricks at the edge of the road. It had a great deal of heft to it despite it's relatively small size, but he decided that he could live with the weight if it meant the possible riches that came with it. He placed the brick into his backpack and continued on his way, not wanting to overburden himself and knowing he could always come back for more.

Knife in hand and brick in pack, Spike followed the road into another town. Everything seemed much cleaner and more spacious than it did in Hell. All of the streets were paved in gold, and everywhere else were beautiful houses with sprawling, well manicured lawns. People wandered the streets, smiling and singing without a care in the world. Again a great rage grew within him. He walked up to the closest person, an average height, beautiful, blond woman, "Hey, what are you so happy about?" he inquired angrily.

The blond woman looked at him with a peaceful smile. "I'm happy about everything. I've free of disease, I feel no pain and I get to enjoy life eternal with the Father, God Almighty," she said in a lilting tone.

Her happiness made Spike want to explode. Rage overtook him and he stabbed the woman right in her side. "Ain't so great now is it?"

The woman looked down at the knife in her side with some confusion, like the idea of violence was completely alien to her. She stepped aside, pulling the knife out of her, which left no wound. "Well aren't you a cute little guy. I suppose you were trying to give me a hug weren't you? Well you're going to have to get a little closer, and use two arms to pull that off." She said with a playful laugh as she stepped forward and pulled Spike in for a big loving hug.

Spike, pretty sure that this hug she spoke of was a ninja kill move, began stabbing the woman repeatedly in the back.

The woman seemed wholly unaware of the violence being wrought upon her, and when she stepped back, it caught Spike so off guard that he dropped his knife.

Hearing the loud clank, the woman looked down at the weapon with a small bit of surprise. She knelt down and picked it up. "Oh, it looks like you dropped your tool." She held the knife out to spike. "Here you go."

Spike immediately took a step back, not wanting to get stabbed by this crazy, invulnerable woman. "Um, it's all good. You keep it."

The woman looked confused. "Really? Are you sure? It looks like a nice tool. One could slice fresh bread with it."

Taking another step back, "It's fine, really, you go cut your bread. I have others."

A huge excited smile came across her face. "I'll do that, and afterwards I'll share my bread with you. Blessed be the father."

It was Spike's turn to have a puzzled look. "Who is this father you speak of and where can I find him?"

The woman laughed. "Everyone knows the Father, silly. He lives just up the street about six blocks on the left. If you don't mind, I'm going to go make some bread for us. See you soon new friend."

Spike watched as the woman made her way back home. "I better find this Father guy and figure out what is with this crazy ninja woman," he said under his breath as he started his trek North.

Reaching the the property the woman had mentioned Spike knew that this was the house of the leader of this town. It was larger than the rest and adorned in gold and other fancy materials, but the strangest thing of note was that the door stood wide open and there didn't appear to be any guards. It was like the leader, this Father, was inviting assassination, or maybe he was just so powerful he didn't need to worry about trivial things like assassinations. Spike balked. "I'd better go in prepared." Spike reached into his bag and pulled out a back up knife, and a pistol. "One can never be too safe." He tucked the gun into his belt, but kept the knife in hand. "Okay, now it's time to get some answers and maybe take a little of what's mine." Spike marched into the house of God.

Seeing an older guy dressed entirely in white, sitting in a large comfortable chair, Spike called out, "You must be this Father guy I've heard about."

God looked down to Spike with a warm smile and a boisterous laugh, "Yes indeed, I am the Father, God Almighty, Lord and Savior of all mankind. The Alpha and the Omega. I am the creator. How may I help you Spike?"

Spike's eyes went wide and God laughed another thunderous laugh. "H-How did you know my name?" Spike asked as he pocketed his knife and drew his gun.

"I'm God, I know all of my children. Now put down that toy before you hurt yourself." He reached over to the phone that sat next to him, picked it up and dialed a number.

Spike, pretty sure this God guy was calling in a strike squad, lifted his gun and shot God in the head. There was a loud bang but the bullet bounced off God like a Nerf pellet.

"Hi, Phyllis. Yeah, our son has managed to wander up into Heaven. He's being a bit rowdy. I'm going to have Frank and Marleen bring him back down to the tracks. You mind picking him up? Maybe teach him a lesson about the boundaries of Heaven and Hell? Thanks hun." God hung up the phone and dialed another number.

Spike fired three more shots. "You are not my father. My dad left before I was born," He cried.

"Yeah, Frank, can you and Marleen meet over at my house? Don't worry about that, just a kid and his toy. Sure, another hour? Yeah, I'd love some. See you then." He hung up the phone again.

God got up out of his chair and approached Spike, letting two more pellets bounce off of him as Spike emptied his gun. "I am every one's father. I am THE Father. There is a little of me in everyone, but you did not except me in life so in death you must remain in hell. Frank and Marleen will escort you home shortly."

Spike pulled his knife out of his pocket and stuck it in God, not too surprised to get the same outcome as when he had stabbed the woman, but there was just something that made him feel a little better about life when he was stabbing things.

God, not really having all that much patience for the little bastard, rested a hand on Spikes head and Spike fell asleep.



Spike came around to the smell of fresh baked bread. He could hear voices through the fog. "Yeah, after making his way up here he was all tuckered out, been sleeping like a baby." He heard God tell a blatant lie.

"I'm sure he would love to be woken up by some fresh baked bread before we take him home." he heard the woman from earlier say.

"I'm sure he would, but you should probably feed it to him in the car. I'm sure his mother is worried sick." God said in his insincere tone, which the other two seemed to miss completely.

"Oh, gee you're right. We should get him down to the tracks quickly so we don't worry her." A moment later Spike could feel the woman looming over him. He opened his eyes. "Oh," She exclaimed gleefully, "You're awake just in time to have some fresh bread and go for a lovely car ride." At that moment Spike dreaded the idea of sitting in a car with this woman almost as much as he did the thought of facing his mother after this ordeal.

Spike glared over at God, who gave him a high and mighty smirk as he savored another bite of his fresh baked bread.

Frank and Marleen led the young Devil out of the house.

The ride home was nothing but Marleen yammering on about how great life was, and how wonderful it was to live in Heaven with her Lord and Savior, and how much she liked her new kitchen knife, and how glad his mother will be to see him, and how worried she must be. The bread was good, but not good enough to make up for this.

Spike glanced over to Frank, hoping he had some sort of off switch, but Frank just drove and whistled a happy tune, as if he didn't even hear his wife in the seat next to him.

They stopped at the end of the road and got out of the car. Frank handed Spike his backpack. "Here you go boy," he said with a smile.

The bag was significantly lighter than before he had been knocked out by the hand of God. Spike glanced to the end of the road. The brick was back like it had never left and he was livid.

All anger immediately turned to fear when he heard his mother's voice. "Spike? You get your ass over here right this instant. I swear to everything I hold dear that I will tan your hide until you can't sit for a week."

Frank, seeing the devil woman approach, wisely climbed back into the car and put it in reverse. While Marleen called out the window. "We'll miss you Spike. Come visit again soon. I'll make more bread."

Spike would not be coming back to visit Marleen even if he had the urge to cross the tracks again, and his mother would make sure he never had that urge again.