The Wanderer

          My fingers strummed eagerly on the bathroom sink, my neck sweated from nervous tensions. I dared to look at the stick next to my noisy fingers, but my eyes were glued to the bath tub. I can’t believe I am afraid; I’ve never been afraid of anything. I always go farther than the limit, speeding, sneaking out, and running from the cops is my middle name. I wasn’t even afraid when I got myself into this predicament of which I’m I afraid of now.

          So now as my eyes slowly slide to the sink which holds my destiny on a stick, my heart beats like a prisoner trying to escape the metal bars of jail. I hold my breath and glance at my result.

        “Woh!” my breath nocks out of me painfully, I grab the stupid stick.

        Positive? I ask myself dumbly. How can it be positive? Dammit! I’m only 16! It can’t be positive! I think back two months ago when I threw that huge party while my parents were on a business trip and I admit to myself that it can be positive, I instinctively kick the toilet seat beside me.

      My suspicions started early last week, when my period was due, and it did not come. I waited, and then I woke up to the smell of bacon that made me throw up. Then I called my older sister Bailey. She informed me that I might be pregnant.

The bathroom door shook as my brother Danny nocks aggressively and yells, “Cali, come on I gotta pee!” 

  “Just a minute!” I growl. Swiftly I grab my pregnancy test and stick it back in the box then I hide the box in my jacket and rush out of the room nearly knocking ten year old Danny on the floor. He starts unzipping his pants before he even enters the door way. I make disgusted sounds in my throat.

I crept eagerly to my room, cautious of the knowledge that my parents are just in the living room. My younger sister Nancy has already been sent off to bed, so I don’t have to worry about running into her. She is only five, so if she saw anything suspicious about me her voice would echo all through town- hypothetically of course but my parents would still come and check out the scene. I tiptoed past her pink flowery door and skidded past Danny’s plain wooden door. My room was just inches away.

“Cali?” my mother’s voice came from a few feet behind me, “I need you to do the dishes.”

I grimaced as I turned around to face my mom. She looked at me, her eyebrows raised in expectance. I had to think of an excuse to get in my room for ten seconds, ten seconds and I could take the box from my ever so sweaty jacket and transport it under my pillow.

“Ok,” I answered, “just let me put my jacket up, I’m getting pretty hot.”

I smiled at my brilliance.

“Ok,” my mom grinned and went knocked on the bathroom door.

“Danny, honey, you need to go to bed.”

I stuffed the box under my pillow along with the five other tests I had taken in the past two days, every one of them have the same answer: positive.

  I rushed down the hall to the kitchen, where to sink was filled with dishes. The dishwasher had dirty dishes in it already so I just loaded the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher and started it up. Then I rinsed off my hands to go into the living room and watch a movie with my parents.

I have to tell them, that assumption is inevitable.

I might not have to though, if I decide to have an abortion. That is a likely case. I heard that if you have an abortion they don’t tell your parents or anything, you just come up with the money and they pop it out.

I will have to tell the father, I will need the money for the abortion. I’m pretty sure Owen has a job. I hadn’t really known him that well before it happened.

Dad turned off the television and looked at his watch, “Well, it’s ten o’clock. Tomorrow you have school, Cali, off to bed.”

I got off the couch and bid my parents goodnight. My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, I pulled it out and checked who it was. What do you know, it was Baileymy older sister who was 50 miles away in college.

  Hey, did you take the last test? She asked me.

I thought about lying and telling her that I took a lot of tests today and they said negative, but I might need someone to go with me to the abortion doctor. Yeah, I’m pregnant. Do me a favor and don’t tell mom and dad or anyone. NOT EVEN BLAKE! I texted back.

  I knew it was senseless telling her not to tell Blake, the boy she says is the one and only, because she tells him everything. Good thing he always finds excuses not to come to the house with Bailey during weekends and spring break, or else, I’m sure he would have told them everything about me. He did come once though, and he blurted out that I was actually going out with a senior that my parents didn’t approve of. They made me break up with him, I’ve hated Blake every since.

  Before I changed into a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in I took the boxes out from under my pillow and shoved them under my bed. Then I stripped off my shirt and looked in my full length-mirror. My stomach didn’t look pregnant. I pressed my finger tips on my stomach, seeing if I could feel a leg or an arm. I’m not really a baby expert or anything, but maybe it doesn’t even have legs or arms yet. Maybe it’s just a blob; a blob that happens to be in my abdomen. I threw on a t-shirt and slipped into bed.

  In the middle of the night, somewhere around 4 AM I woke up craving chips and pickles. The urge to have this snack was so intense that I had to get out of bed and eat enough to fill my stomach. Then I went back to bed and slept like a baby.

  I woke up with a start. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom holding a hand over my mouth. I gagged in the toilet.

  “Oh, Cali,” my mother said from the doorway, “don’t worry. You don’t have to go to school. I’ll get you an appointment with the doctor this afternoon.”

  I snapped up and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, “No!” I almost yelled, “Err, I mean I am fine. I actually don’t know what came over me. I feel better now.” I was surprised at how true that was. I did feel fine. As if I had never thrown up in the first place; except for the bitter taste in my mouth.

  Mom cocked her head, “I really don’t think you should go to school, Cali.”

  “Mom, I’m fine.” I said through my teeth.

“Whatever,” She said with a wave of her hand. “I don’t think you should, but if you really want to go…”

She walked down the hall mumbling about getting phone calls from the school nurse.

  I sighed and got a wash towel to wipe my face. Nancy walked lazily down the hall, holding her stuffed bunny that she’s had since the day she was born. It’s a very special stuffed animal to her. She can’t sleep with out it. I remember a few months ago when she accidentally left the bunny at the park and everyone was afraid it had been stolen. Nancy didn’t sleep for a whole week. Luckily the bunny has a name tag on a little ribbon tied on its neck with Nancy’s name and our address on it. We received it in the mail and Nancy hasn’t left the stuffed animal out of her sight since. The bunny had a slight tear on its arm so we took Nancy to our grandmother’s house where the bunny was “operated on”. 

  Danny came down the hall, too. His hair looked much messed up, and his sleep pants were crooked. He wore no shirt, and his shoulder blades stuck out in a weird way. He peered at me in the bathroom, “Hey,” he said and went to the kitchen. I huffed and went to the kitchen too.

  A bowl and a spoon were waiting on the table for me. I went to the cabinet

and grabbed a box of Coco Puffs. I poured some milk and cereal into my bowl and chewed aggressively.

  Mom eyed me from across the table. I ignored her.

  Once I finished my breakfast I hurried to my bedroom to find some clothes to wear to school. I found some suitable jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I slipped on some potato shoes and carefully flat ironed my hair. I put on some makeup. Then I grabbed my book bag, gym bag, and my hand bag.

  I drive a black four door Chevy. I got it for my birthday six months ago, from my parents and grandparents. 

Today was going to be long, and tiresome. I could already tell. My truck smoothly strolled down the street.

        I parked in the school parking lot, in the spot that I always park at and sat there while my truck idled. My mind was blank, I was so nervous. I knew I had to tell the father today, but I sure didn’t want to. It’s embarrassing really; to go to a guy you had a one night stand with and tell him that he was so irresponsible for not having condoms, and that my birth control wasn’t working.

        As embarrassing as it was, it was also irrevocable. 

         Slowly, I got out of the truck and walked through the parking lot to the main building. My phone in my pocket vibrated, I pulled it out and looked at who it was.

Bailey texted me, Hey what are you doing tomorrow night?

IDK, nothing.. Why? I answered.

          I put my phone back in my pocket and went in the school. My locker was all the way at the end of the hall, which was bustling already.  I pushed and shoved my way through. My phone vibrated again, as I opened my locker door. I put my bag in my locker and checked the text.

We need to go see the doctor, I’ll set your appointment for 2. I’ll pick you up. Tell mom we are going to see a movie, or shopping.. Which ever you prefer 

         I sent her a quick message, assuring that I knew her plan. I sighed and looked around the halls, searching for Owen. He usually hangs out with the basketball team, he being the team captain. There he stood, leaning against the lockers laughing and talking to a crowd of jocks. I started toward him, hesitating. I don’t really know why I was so insecure at that moment; all I needed from him was a few hundred bucks. I looked at all the people around him, and suddenly I knew why, but it was too late. I was already standing before him, staring wide eyed and expectant. I was waiting for him to say my name, and acknowledge that I needed to talk to him.  My stomach churned. I turned around and ran off toward the bathroom. Not before I heard the chuckles and the laughing, though. Someone saying loudly, “What was that about, Owen?”

         I didn’t hear the response, because the bathroom door slammed shut and I leaned over the toilet to puke out Cocoa Puffs.







                There were no more confrontations with Owen today, for that I was grateful. But there was a haunting on me, like I should have seen Owen, like it was wrong for me not to see him, and to be grateful. That is why, when the bell rang, I waited for Owen outside the gym doors, where he would be at for basketball practice.

         I saw him coming, accompanied by his basketball friends. They were joking and laughing without a care in the world. I glared at them in envy.  When Owen came near, he saw me, and we locked eyes. I grabbed his arm and said quietly, “We need to talk.”

         We waited for the team to enter in the gym. “What?” He said annoyed, “You bothered me this morning and now you are making me late for practice. This better be good, or else.”

         I waited for him to shut up before I started, “You and I got together at my house last month. During a party, remember?”

         He sniffed and then grinned, “Oh, I see,” He said and then put his hand on my hip, “Look, honey, it’s nothing personal, but you and I are not a we. And we won’t ever be. That was just a one night deal. I thought you knew. I mean, you never spoke to me after that and I never spoke to you. Don’t you think it odd to be coming to me now? It’s not going to work. I’m sorry.”

He started to turn and go in the gym. I stood for a fraction of a second fuming over how he thought I would want him. Not even close. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back before he could disappear.

         “That’s not what I want from you.” I said sternly. He cocked his head, not comprehending. I sighed, “You got me knocked up, retard.”

         At first, I thought he didn’t hear me, or was being stupid, because he just stood there, like he could care less. “Look,” I said, “All I need from you is a few hundred dollars so I can get an abortion, and you need to come with me to the doctor tomorrow so we can talk to the doctor together. I probably won’t need the money for a few weeks. You can save up.”

         He stood for a moment, still as stupid as a snail. Then finally he said, “I’ll give you the money tomorrow, at the doctor. Don’t tell anyone, this is so going to ruin my life, I’ll kill you if you tell.”

         “Please,” I huffed, “you think I want people to know I got pregnant from a total deuce?”

         He ignored my blow and went inside the gym. I sighed, glad that that was over.