Ignored Warnings

         “What're we doin' out here anyway, Jimmy? This place is spooky. Besides, my mom'll kill me if I'm out past curfew.”
         “Relax, Maggie. Nothin' here but spiders and dust.”
         “I heard different. The kids at school were tellin' me this place is haunted. They said there was this old man a long time ago who was a devil worshipper or somethin'. He died, but his soul is still here waiting for innocent teenagers to...”
         “Aw, pipe down, will ya? Look, I heard the same gobbletygook to, but it's all hooey. Ain't nothin' in here, except...us.”
         “What're you doing? Ooh, Jimmy...here? I don't know.”
         “It's perfect, honey. With everybody scared of this rickety old place it'll just be me and you.”
         “It's pretty cold, though. You bring a blanket?”
         “I'll keep you warm, babycakes. Now, come to daddy.”
         “Wait a minute. We got all night. Besides, maybe we oughta look around first, just to make sure there ain't no bums stayin' here.”
         “Fine. I brought two flashlights, take one. Geez, woman.”
         “Now don't start with me, Jimmy...”
         “Just tryin' to get a rise out of you, doll. Come on.”
         “It's sure dark in here. Hey look! An old record player.”
         “I think it's called a phonograph. Looks like there's a record on it.”
         “How's it work?”
         “I think you just wind it up, see, and put the needle on the thing...”
         “Greetings, interlopers. If you are listening to this, it means I am dead and you have broken into my house, which you assume is empty. I assure you, it is not. Though my body is no longer functional, my soul will never die. Know then that you were doomed the moment you set foot in the door. There will be no warning, no five-minute head start. I will strike, and when I do, you will regret it. Good day.”
         “What was that all about? Oh, Jimmy, I knew we shouldn't have come in this place.”
         “Calm down, Maggie. Probably just an old radio show or somethin'. What, you scared of ghosts? Whoooooo!”
         “Stop it, Jimmy. I'm serious. We need to leave.”
         “Fine, but since we're already here, let's take a quick look around, then we'll go.”
         “O-okay. As long as it's quick.”
         “Let's see, this must be the dining room. Wow! Would ya look at all the china? This guy musta been loaded!”
         “Yeah, I guess...Oh my god, did you see that?”
         “What?”
         “Something just moved over there, next to the cabinet.”
         “Probably just a rat. Let's look in the next room. Oh boy, a kitchen! Want some jelly? Looks tasty.”
         “Eeew, get that out of my face.”
         “Aw, chill out already. I told ya, there's nothin' to be scared of. Let's go upstairs.”
         “No, Jimmy. I really think we should go.”
         “Come on! Just one quick peek and we'll go, I promise. I'll buy ya a milkshake.”
         “Chocolate?”
         “You know it, babe.”
         “Fine, but just a quick peek and I'm leaving, Jimmy. I mean it.”
         “Watch that third step, I think it's rotted out. Man, does this house ever end? Ah, the master bedroom. After you, madame.”
         “Very funny. Just go in already.”
         “Okay, okay...hey, there's a fire in the fireplace. That's weird.”
         “I don't see anything.”
         “What, are ya blind? Right there, next to the window. And there's a chair in front of it. Oh geez, there's someone sittin' there.”
         “Jimmy, it's deserted just like everything else.”
         “Shhh! He's coming this way. Quick, hide.”
         “Stop pushing me. This closet isn't big enough for the both of us.”
         “Pipe down already! He's coming this way. Oh man, does he look mad. You know, babe, maybe they sold this place and I didn't hear about it. Maybe...”
         “What is it, Jimmy?”
         “He's looking right at me!”
         “Oh god, what do we do?”
         “Just keep still. He's pretty old, so maybe I can take him. That's it, just a couple more steps.”
         “What are you doing? Is he gone? Why are you smiling at me like that?”
         “So many questions, and such a pretty interloper. To answer your first question, I'm blocking the door to keep you from escaping.”
         “This isn't funny, Jimmy! Ow! You're hurting me!”
         “As for your second question, If by he, you mean your sweetheart, then yes, he is quite gone. You see, I've needed a body for a long, long time, and this one will serve me well.”
         “What? I don't understand. What are you doing? Gaaaahh, my arm!”          
         “And as for your final question, I'm smiling because you're already dead and you don't even know it. I'm going to make sure this is slow and painful.”