The Reflection

She breaks and bleeds out pain
She is lost to the memories that ensnare her mind
Forgiveness is given so easily
She crawls, searching blind

Her heart is a scream into the night
The darkness chills her spine
Her hand extends to others light
Her voice becomes a dying whine

Lifes is lived by perception
An Ending only comes in the form of death
But what if we believe otherwise
Can we take back in our own last breath

People believe minds control our actions
Then why are we puppets on a string
Why do we need the support of illusions
We are not the bird dying from a broken wing

She lived and yet only felt pain
She loved to much for that causes the biggest break
She died forgiving none
Though forgetting nothing on the surface of her hearts lake

She is the wind In which you fly
She is the dream you live
She is the calm among the storm
She is the lover whom you belong with

The moon casts a shadow over the night
The darkness hides our every mistake
She is the epitomy of insane
She sleeps while awake

Who is she but your reflection
The footsteps in your soul
Give in to the thoughts
You have already lost control

The silence of the room is almost deafening. The only slight sound is that of scratching pencils and swishing erasers. The true ironic point of the situation is that though everything external from me is quiet the beating of my heart is so strong that it creates a steady beat in my ears. The blood boiling in my veins from my anxiety feels so pent up and ready to burst but painful from being contained. The clock swiftly counts down and yet my own hand does not its job but my eyes become hypnotized by the hands on the clock as they stay steady on their journey. My mind supposed to be so full of theories and view points on the assigned topic is a black whole of consuming thoughts of the possible outcomes of this competition and the chance of failure. Do they not always drill into our adolescent minds that anything is possible? Why is that statement always viewed as optimistic when it obviously outlines the pessimists logic. But the most important question is not that but why won’t my hand move and my mind get to work?
I ask this question to my body and finally the wheels seem to begin to turn. At this literary competition I am supposed to write about a scene and why it is important in a story. Sounds simple enough right, well as soon as you begin thinking along that line they tell you off the limit on time and words written. Did I sit there and hurrah at the easiness of it, not likely? For that’s was at the exact time my temporary paralysis kicked into action, At least at the moment that seems to have hit the back burner. Still the thing at the forefront of my mind as I write down sentences on a topic I’ve never truly considered is will I lose. Many would call this a phobia of failure. I call it a fear of the unknown. For every time I come to an obstacle theirs never really a definite ending. These are the exact example of the thoughts I think when I’m supposed to be concentrating on my current assignment. My mind wanders so easily when it’s in a mode of nervousness. My eyes glance to that somehow speeding up clock as I notice we only have moments left and at least I’m on my final stretch of a sentence.
As the timer goes off yelling too the before so quiet room that our misery is at an end I am bombarded by vivid thoughts of our society all pulling their hair out. Is it not a part of our culture to be tested? Each of us are presented with obstacles. Is there a possibility that my test was this competition? We are all taught things are thrown at us throughout life and all we can do is take them head on and do with them the best we can. For in the end no matter if we fail or succeed we learn a lesson and it is the lessons of life that help us endure in life itself. Would that then mean that instead of fearing failure I should be embracing it? Is my anxiety just a reaction to the inevitable the same as a child fears their first steps? I was pushed into going to this competition at the last moment but in life aren’t we all pushed into changes that effect our lives. As I sit here in a stones position afraid for the results, what am I really fearful of? No matter what outcome there is still the same end result of learning a lesson.
The names are listed off and I came in dead lost. Yet as I walked to accept my award I carry a smile. For no thoughts of failure plague my thoughts as they had before. I came to this competition to carry out the same task as the others seated beside me. I am here today to learn a lesson. I take from this knowledge that will help me the next time I return but also in later competitions that I compete in.