A mashup of Halloween and America's favorite pastime. |
At a mist-covered field between graveyard and swamp, a frightful menagerie gathers with a howl and a stomp. Boasting twisted teeth and wild eyes of red and others of yellow, beasts, creatures, and monsters of every stripe moan, hiss, and bellow. The terrifying ranks swell in the pale moonlight 'til at the midnight hour, the foulest brute of the bunch raises up and loudly declares in a voice gravelly and sour: "Play ball!" In a flurry and ruckus to deafen the ear and make one's head spin, the ghastly assemblage casts lots to form teams and the bloodletting ballgame lurchingly begins. Banshees, werewolves, zombies, and goblins galore pitch, hit, run, catch, and strike out to the cacophonous din of the spectators' roar. Minotaurs ferociously snort as they warm up in the bullpen, while the bat boys catch flak from the vampires between snackbites on some Frenchmen. The innings grind on in a most gruesome, ghoulish, and grisly fashion— with liberal use of deadly beanballs, venomous spitballs, and the occasional bludgeon— until at the first hints of sunrise's loathsome pink light, the losing team's pitcher cranks a scorching heater into a snarling batter's overbite. Bedlam erupts on all sides as both beastly benches clear, the coaches, players, and fans smashing and slashing like a frenzied riot in full gear. One more night's sport hurtles obscenely to a mangled, gory end, but as quickly as limbs regrow this cankered crowd will gleefully play again. |