They say??

Tears were dropped before I start thinking of this, writing in Writing.Com. I'm listening to Maksim's music right now just to calm myself more and stop the headache on-going echo's in my ears and brains.
It is because of my family. My big family, the one that occupies the grandfather and grandmother and my aunts and uncles from my mother's side. I called my mother to request on the availability to ask my father for RM100,000/- back. It's truthfully ours and he is so rich, to him, it's merely a tiny sum. She started asking why do I suddenly want it and I am able to request it with the help of a lawyer.

I told her I want to go back to Malaysia, her tone does not sound really good that's why I decided to hung-up but she keep on asking why do I sound so down, what am I thinking and tells me she is worried. I tell her our family is in a problem and I want to solve that problem.

Previously, in the afternoon, I also had a little chit-chat with my aunt-in-law talking about forgiveness in our family, from them towards my mother and the forgiveness from my mother to them. It's almost 14 years until now. The feuds in between, it's now not important, it's not the forgiveness that matters, probably everyone has done that but one thing, that really one thing further than forgiveness, acceptance. Can they acept each other back despite of the way they looked at my mother. They don't treat her like one. They don't treat her like a big sister. It's the acceptance not the forgiveness. There's already blank feelings but not all blank feelings are readily acceptable by each and everyone.

I told my mother the same thing and she say I am right. What is family? In a traditional way, the sound of getting my family together seems tougher than making a fairytale real. My smallest sister is unable to be fully accepted because she is not born in the right way. My grandfather may be unable to accept her existance due to a reason, she is not born in a normal marriage. We are not as wealthy as my relatives are now, our family condition is worse among them, their eyesights to my mother is different, comments and all. Now only I realise, really not everyone can forgive and accept a person just for the sake of building that harmony, peaceful family. It's not fake, but in my case it's really a fairytale which I can't do much about. If only I have that sum to pay up the debts to them and b average like them, then only we'll be accepted. But, think truelly, is it really needed? Not really, the most important thing is still our own hearts. I won't give up but it seems tougher and tougher each time I stand back up.

Their words don't seem very important now as I feel this is really what should be in a family. I envy my 2nd uncle-in-laws big family and my grandfathers brother's big family, one rich and one so-so, but both, although with problems, are still so close and beautiful to feel with. They don't have the fights like my family has over money and it actually really is human's problem, not the money's problem. Keep it in mind, it really doesn't matter how much you have, if you have the heart to stay together, really, nothing matters.