Make Me Real...

Wish I could write poetry....

Wish I could describe in profound , meaningful terms the incredible ennui and tiredness, which makes me refresh my mailbox for the 100th time without knowing why...mindlessly deleting all the incoming mails, refreshing that orkut screen again and again, browsing through old pics and trying to play around with a few, well ...do everything except what I have to do

Wish I could wax lyrical about the way my room looks in the afternoon when it rains and I switch off the lights, draw the curtains and let the delicious earthy , murky greyness and scent seep in..the cool ,calmness ..the stolidity of it, the strains of the music in the background and the whitish softness of the sheets when I lie in bed just like that staring at nothing in particular....

Wish music did not sound so harsh when I leave it on for sometime and return to it after a while, when I am doing something else. The peppy bouncy number takes on jarring ..accusatory overtones and also sounds incredibly loud..

Wish I could fall in love...  
Not just love somebody....But be "in" love with somebody...
To simply "love" someone and to be "in love" with someone are so totally different things...*sigh*

Wish I could describe in detail how I feel when I discover a song I really like..or the warm satisfaction of repeated playings after that...

Wish I could remember where I lost that book, I am suddenly reminded of it even as I am typing this, and I am upset that I lost it

Wish I could be all informed and deep and have an opinion about many things... I dont have an opinion about most things..but I do have the facts about everything

Wish I could write well enough to describe the warmth of my hands clasped around a coffee cup on a cold morning..Its like putting iodex or smelling vicks..umm if u care for these things

Wish I could make beautiful music...

Wish I could play the piano....*sigh*

Wish I could dream up some magic...

Wish I could go to Peru...

Wish I could fly...

So when did we stop exploring the world for ourselves and began to believe in what was told and accepted?
When did we start constraining what we did or felt because we saw others doing it.. ..and when did we stop believing that we could be otherwise?
When did ecstatic happiness give way to measured expressions of joy?
When did uninhibited enthusiasm give way to cautiousness, when did the stars give way to practical goals?
When were dreams constrained?
When did we not want to seek any light beyond what we already knew, and when did we become content basking in its glory?
When did we start loving the darkness because it bought the illusion of a new light the next day??

And when was it that we started saying ...I wish instead of I will..