Diamond in the Rough

Diamond in the Rough



         When I turned 18 my mom started dating like crazy.  This is a woman who raised three children all by herself for 18-plus years, without ever having dated.  I don't know how she did it either, but I guess that she had her priorities lined up and I respected her for it.  So as soon as I turned 18 she had new priorities and I thought it was awesome.  She'd come home at midnight on a weekday night and have a smoke with me telling me about her night out dancing with her friends and possible new boyfriends.  She was catching up with the time she had lost raising three children at a relatively young age.

         Then Bob came into the picture.  Bob was indefinetly decided on as my mom's new main squeeze.  I was very happy for her and excited to meet him, hoping to meet a man that would make my mom happy.  I had never had to deal with meeting my mom's significant others growing up, so it was strange at first, but I dealt with it.

         I met him on Thanksgiving 2003; we went over to my Aunt Kendra's as we usually did for the Holidays.  It was here where I first met Bob and figured out what kind of "main squeeze" he was to my mom.  He was a controlling pissed-off man that demanded my Aunt and Uncles put their dogs away because he was allergic.  That was when I figured out he probably controls my mom to an even greater extent.  This is a man who has never had kids, is allergic to animals and all the sudden has to deal with both of these things at once.

         So the next month came about and with it came my Dad getting sick and going to the Intensive Care Unit at HCMC in Minneapolis.  You see, my dad and mom got divorced when I was 5 due to my dad having a mental illness, so my mom got custody and I rarely ever saw or got to know my dad.  Although in my later high school years I started visiting him more often with my brother and sister since we were able to drive ourselves to his place rather than relying on my mom to drive us.  I was very shocked to get the phone call that he was bleeding to death in the hospital just as I thought I was starting to get to know him.

         The whole month consisted of working full-time and driving with my Grandma or brother to visit my dad that was being kept alive by machinery.  On the weekends I'd try to smoke pot or drink to pretend everything was okay, only to end up having massive panic attacks.  So instead of chemicals I'd zone out to, of all things, "The Stand" mini- T.V. series based on Stephen King's novel.  My friend Devona would visit with me and stay over some nights because besides my dog Diamond, my cat Huggy or the characters from “The Stand,” no one was ever home with me (My mom was at Bob's this whole time, my brother was asleep or at work.)

         Early that January, my Dad's life was taken away by a simple shut-off on the machines that were keeping him alive.  The whole month after I was stunned, numbed and well of course, DEPRESSED.  I kept busy with work and mind-numbing activities where I didn't have to think.  I, again, mostly had my few close friends or pets that kept me from going insane.  I never really heard much from my mom, but I guess I didn't even care because I was just glad that something/someone was at least making her happy.

         Months and months go by until, lo and behold, it is summer!  I was starting to get into a little bit of a new grind.  I was in my first legit "relationship" with a guy, who ended up being a douche in the end...but hey that is another story in itself.  I was still working full-time at a gas-station near my house and hanging out with friends and/or boyfriend after work.  I was even signing up for college classes, something I never thought I'd have the courage to do.

         Everything that was going good that summer came to an abrupt halt at approximately 5 pm on a sunny weekday when I was working diligently helping customers during the evening rush.  Included in the line of evening rush customers was my mom holding a Caribou Coffee drink in one hand and a bag of chocolate treats in the other.  Immediately I knew what she had done because she had been talking about it for awhile.  She put my dog Diamond to sleep that day and thought that bringing me Caribou would replace it and why not come right in the middle of my shift at work to tell me?

         The reasons that my mom put Diamond to sleep will never be legit reasons to me, but she did it and there is no turning back.  The reasons that she did it, in my mind,  is because she decided to move in with Bob that month and Bob being "allergic" to animals meant getting rid of the animal all together.  Hell, if it was legal he probably would have made her put me and my brother to sleep as well.  Either way, what she had done to Diamond made me stunned, numbed and dumb once again, but it was the dream I had that night that made me realize there was nothing to worry about.  It was too real and too vivid and too true, and this was it:



I’m lying in this bed and surrounded by whiteness; white sheets on the bed, a white comforter, I was in a white night gown, white walls all around the room.  There was a window to the right of my bed, it was open and it was a pleasant day outside.  Out of nowhere, this exotic bird swooped down onto the window ledge.  At first I was a little frightened, but then Diamond and another dog trotted into the room.  Huggy also came into the room and an unknown cat alongside him.

Diamond and the other animals had their eyes set on this bird.  Diamond looked so beautiful in this room which was so peaceful and tranquil.  There was just this complete silence, no worries running through my mind as there are in real life.  I looked back at the bird which Diamond was still staring at and it spread it’s wings out and then turned into this exotic cat with a long neck and gray fur.  It stared at all of us in the room and then turned back looking outside as if it had left something behind.  It then changed back into a bird and flew away.  I then woke up.