The Man They Left Floating

There they are. K n e w it. You better believe I knew. I can read these people like a book.

No more paddling. I'm going to just float here in my little yellow raft, not a care in the world. Like they were really going to leave me in the middle of the ocean. I mean, what? Over an anchor? Okay, I untied your anchor. Did I ever say I knew how to sail? I'm going to tell them I didn't bother paddling. It never crossed my mind. Not once. I knew they were coming back. Better believe it! I knew.

They're all going to go, "Oh, please accept our apologies."

Yeah, right!

And I'm going to go, "'You yacht people really suck!"

"We think you slightly over-exaggerated your cooking-skills." In all sincerity, what the hell? I didn't know it was bait. Do they think I would purposely barbecue bait?

Like they never exaggerated in their whole lives? "No, no, we don't exaggerate. We're Yacht People. We never exaggerate. Not in our whole lives did we ever once e x a g g e r a t e."

Yeah? Well, you sure can set someone adrift without food, or water, can't you? Yeah, you got that down. And where's my bag? This isn't my bag! This? Are they serious? Yacht people, I mean come on! I don't think so.

Oh! And, "Our wine's gone! Oh, goodness me! Heaven's to Betsy, you drank all our wine!"

Waaaah! Right here I got your precious Pooie-Foosie!

Well, they came back, didn't they? How sweet! 'Bout damn time. Yeah, wave-wave; you see me, the little guy you blamed the fire on? Yeah, here I am! Hooo-hooo!

Okay, throw me the rope and start appol-- Okay, they want their bag. Jesus, let me run get it! Here's your bag, Mr. Mirror Sunglasses, captain, sir. Hope I didn't bruise it.

Oh, what's he doing now? That is my bag!

Jesus! Heave it at me, why don't ya?

Oh, okay... Yeah, I'm so worried. You're really going to leave me in the middle of the ocean, again. Talk about milking a joke! Come on! Putting up with you people day in, and day out. What? I'm the first person ever asked for a raise?

Yeah, okay, that's fine. Have your little fun... And I'm NOT a peeping-tom! I truly resent that!

I was just curious. You yacht people do some strange shit.

What ever.

Here I am again, not a care in the whole wide world. Catching some rays in my little fucking yellow raft.

Everybody's a comedian.




395 Words