Chasing Ghosts

*** Thank You GabriellaR45 for the beautiful Awardicon that now graces "Chasing Ghosts" ***


Granny and Norman I dreamed about you again last night. I was at the beach, swimming, the water was a beautiful clear blue that I could see all the way through to the sandy ocean bottom. As I stood in the water I felt as though the water was trying to pull me under. The water was not violent per se but still had strong choppy water and high waves. Looking to the shore from where I stood in the water the sky was blue and the sun shining out in the distance. Turning back around to stare out into the ocean however, was a different scene. The sky was black with thick clouds and rain began to pour. Out in the distance not too far away I could see a group of five or six sharks swimming in a circle. With just the top of their dark grey fin's above the swell of the ocean water. I was not alone, my brothers, cousins, and some of our friends were in the water with me swimming and joking around. I remember them calling for me but all I did was ignore them.

I watched a bright blue and yellow radio which had its cord cut, but, still played be tossed to and fro. I continued to watch as the little blue and yellow radio floated and swirled in the waters grip. I was entranced by the blue and yellow radio, as I wondered why and even how it was still working because it was in the water and had its cord cut. So how was it still working? On the shore stood my other cousin Amy and a group of girlfriends with her. They too were calling out to me urging me to grab the radio and turn the volume up louder. So I did, I grabbed the radio and turned it up as loud as it could go. I can still hear the songs playing over and over again, a few favorites of mine. That I found myself singing along to. Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter" and "Given to Fly". Even now I can still hear the songs playing and see myself standing in the water holding that blue and yellow radio.

Here is what it said; He could've tuned in, tuned in. But he tuned out. A bad time, nothing could save him. Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out. He got up outta there, ran for hundreds of miles. He made it to the ocean, A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw. Delivered him wings, "Hey, look at me now". He floated back down 'cause he wanted to share His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere. But first he was stripped and then he was stabbed By faceless men, well, fuckers He still stands. And he still gives his love, he just gives it away The love he receives is the love that is saved. And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky A human being that was given to fly.

on a beach of weathered sand. On a weekend I wanna wish it all away yeah...And then I call out again.And I know I dont want to stay...Make me cry. Ooooh I see, I dont know theres something else. I wanna drum it all away...And I know I dont want to stay.

Looking at the shore again I saw Norman standing on the beach, I tried calling out to him, tried to leave the water but something was holding me down, stopping me. He said nothing to me, he just stared at me. The next thing I saw was Norman running by me like a techni-color flash of light. He ran, so, I chased after him calling for him to wait! I chased him for what seemed like a lifetime and when we finally stopped running we were standing side by side. We stood in the field on a piece of property I lived as a child in Middleburg. In the distance ahead of us was my Granny and another dark haired woman I did not recognize. The dark haired woman was trying to soothe the crying baby in her arms.

Granny was standing in the distance and she was alive again for the second time. But, I knew that could not be because she was dead, wasnt she? So how then was she there with us? I felt so sad and confused as I watched her fade away, I tried so hard to reach her, but, we got pulled and went running in opposite directions. I looked around for Norman but found that he too had gone away. I called for them to come back but to no avail. I watched the sun set beneath the horizon, alone. The next thing I recall was arriving at a hospital. Several members of my family and I walked into the hospital entrance and into an elevator. Upon exiting the elevator we walked into the long hallway with a clear glass ceiling and to a second elevator. We stepped inside the second elevator and rode it up to an upper level floor.

Exiting the second elevator we walked a short distance down a hallway and into a private waiting room, where we waited for the doctors to come. They arrived not soon after we did. They wore light green scrubs and gave a very brief up-date before they quickly left us to get situated. I could not shake the intense feeling of de ja vu as I walked down the hallway to my left in search of my Granny and Uncle. I found them. Norman was lying on a gurney, a white sheet pulled haphazardly over him. He was no longer alive. Across the hall was an observatory room, as I walked into the room and looked out of the large glass window separating that room from the procedure room I saw my Granny. She was laying there propped up on either a bed or chair I could not tell which.

She looked the same to me as we stared at one another, her with eyes that held a deathly sorrow and me with teary eyes that appeared glassy and doll like. She had the same blue eyes, grey and white permed hair, with dark "cigarette tanned" skin. But, she was hooked up to all of these machines and IV's, which came out of her arms and she had five or six hook up/inserts lining her collar bone area with yet more IV's hooked up to her. She looked miserable and in pain beyond measure or fairness. She seemed to be dying all over again just as Norman had died again. Her "cigarette tanned" skin was bruised along her arms and collar bone areas were dark and ugly purple and black bruises. I wondered if she knew if I was there and if she could see me. Did she know who I was?

She stared straight through the glass at me but showed no signs that she knew who I was. I spoke to her but got no reply. I asked her if she was here to stay or would she die and leave us-leave me again. She never replied only continued to stare blankly at me. I left the room and stared at the gurney where my Uncle laid. I wondered how his fate to die happened to him again. I hoped that he hadn't died the same way twice and that he didnt die alone and in pain. I took off running, running back into the waiting room. Back to where my family sat waiting and praying. I sat in a chair near the door lining the right side of the room. The rest of my family sat or gathered around the chairs in the center of the room. The doctors in light green scrubs came back, they sat beside me staring at my family while one doctor spoke.

He told us that the news was not good. My Uncle had died again and they did not know or understand why. He went on to explain that as we know and had known for awhile now that her cancer had returned and that they were trying any and every cancer medication option available to save her. But, that, we all knew the risks of them coming back and that when they came back so to did the possibility of her cancer returning and both of them dying again. He told us her treatment was not going well, in fact, they had pretty much run out of treatment options. The rate that things were progressing she would probably be dead again in a few days. So we may want to start preparing as best we could/knew how for her death.


I felt a shock of numbness rush through me and for a second I forgot to breathe and my heart felt like it stopped beating. My whole world just came crashing, shattering to the ground around me all over again. Then there was just an empty hollow, numb feeling and the gut wrenching knowledge that I knew she would be dead again soon, probably before the day was through and I'd have just the memory of her to keep again. The doctors and my family stared at me as I sat silent in the waiting room chair and began to cry even harder. All I could do was cry. So I did. I cried without shame just like I did that day ten years ago when I was twelve years old.


(Authors note: This can be read as a companion piece to

"Between Dream and Awake"  (E) Scribbled down after a dream I had about the ones no longer in my life. #1102157 by Revelry new writings soon

.)