Survive

She stood alone, watching the sun rise ove the crashing waves before her. If she turned around she could see her house, the one she and Shawn had bought two years before. She remembered the joy, the thrill of owning something as beautifull as a home. Knowing that the life they had dreamed of together, would be made there. Now, every time she came through the door, the emptieness seemed to seep through her skin and straight to her heart. The memories of his laughter, the way he'd come home and just hold her. Then the memories of that day, that one day that had shattered everything. When his captain had come to her door, when he asked if he could come in. There had been an incident. She's already known, felt it deep in her bones. He was gone. Sacrificed to the hands of an idiot with a .45. He'd love being a cop. Loved standing for something, and it had taken everything, she thought, the hot tears streaming down her face.

         She didn't think she'd survive. Didn't believe it was possible to live without him. But she had a part of him, growing in her. She thought that she had to survive, had to make it through for their child. She had gotten through the pregnancy and the labor, all the while wishing to God with everything she had for Shawn. Just to have him beside her. But he wasn't there. He wasn't ever going to be there again. Dead. Not just gone, or away. Dead, she silently screamed the thought to herself over and over. She'd tried to survive, but she couldn't. Not even for her son. She couldn't do it, and prayed one more time to God, that he would someday understand