teenage years

i step outside
the rain has stopped
i feel warm, though its probably cold
the sky fades in
as if its the background to the night
special effects
the closing curtain
bringing us back to the real world
to grey
pale blue
my head still dances and spins
from the vodka
i put my hand out the window
as we drive
feeling the air on my bare skin
im exhausted, barely awake
in half reality, half dream world
where nothing is really there
i feel good
ive out run my thoughts and feelings
yet again
ive won
i always win
ive beat the night,
the morning is catching me though, now
gently creeping up,
sleep it whispers
sleep.
soon, soon ill go back
and sleep,
i wont think then either,
wont feel.
winner
passed out among my friends,
joined together by this life.
curled together,
as one we will sleep
my eyes are heavy, closing
im smiling, fading into sleep
the night was a blur,
a beautiful, wild, rebelious blur.
of being alive,
of running away.
of hiding from what we should be,
my best memories of these years will be blurs.
but i dont want to remember them clearly,
or they wouldnt be the way they are
wild, laughing, falling, dancing ,crying, screaming spinning,

self-destruction
i love it