Companion story B: Creation.

Creation: When Blessings come in Disguise.



Part One: Birds of Paradise



Everyone said that grief made me crazy but he had to miss me up there. I knew this would be my final book even when my family and children suggested it. Souls in the sky: death isn't the end, the book, was where my grief had taken me. I was old and tired; I missed him everyday. But in my heart I knew that this one would be my last. My career had been spent making my family and friends proud of me.



I remember when Layla's youngest asked me, “Does heaven exist? Because if it does, grandpa's there. I wonder if he still thinks of us.” Thankfully, that question was the thing that sparked my ambition to write. When I started researching death rituals, even Matthew got nervous and he asked Janice to check in on me. My head was stuck in a book as I began to take feverish notes. I took the book with me to the door when it rang a third time.



On the front stoop was Janice with a decadent cheesecake and a cheerful smile.

“You have been on-line that much lately. Matt says you've been researching death. So I made you a Mississippi Mud cheesecake ... In case you were down. Can I come in?” Janice quarried.

I shrugged, and opened the door wider, placing the book, Final Resting Place, against my leg.

“I could use a break; it looks delicious, Janice.” I found a prayer card on the dining room table with my Eulogies, love and pride lists, and a few poems. I had written a few poems about my loss, and the love of family during this difficult period. I was just starting to write poems about the impact of the dead on the living but I wondered if people would believe me.



My eyes looked tired, But there was a driven look to them that Janice had only heard about from Knox when he said, “Janice, she's just been working hard on a new book. I just telling you how it is having a writer as a wife..”



“Matt says you've been working on a book. Can I see the outline?” Janice said as she got plastic Dixie plates out of her tote. “Will you tell me what you think of this? I created it myself and even though George said ours was great. I would still like to hear what you think.”



“A group of us got together to throw ideas around. This is the latest version the outline. You can see it after we each have a slice of cheesecake.” I responded, clearing a spot for us to eat cheesecake on the dining room table. “Rachel was over the other day, we had a movie marathon. We watched five movies with heaven as an element. I fell asleep on the couch afterwards. We had order in Chinese, and Juice with pomegranate in it.”



As she placed a slice in front of me and sat down in front of hers, she spoke out what she had been thinking about when I answered the door. “ Angelica, I don't mean to pry but if I lost George I would be a mess. How are you holding up?”

“Some days are better than others. But yesterday when I was reading some info in the research notes I had taken, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Then I saw him smile as a voice of my dead husband said – Angel, I am so proud of you.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “I miss him, Janice. But I have to finish this book. ” I silently took a bite of the cheesecake.

“I hope this one is really good then. How's the cheesecake taste?” Janice supportively replied.

“Good,” I said with a sob in my throat. “It's very good.”



The day I sat down to work on my editor's suggested revisions, I didn't feel so well. I had temperature of 104 degrees. I taken to bed after putting a third quilt on the bed. Jade had reminded me that ibuprofen worked to lower temperatures, she had just brought me a pack of Snapple fruit drink and Welches juice. I drank 12 of eighteen Snapple (six since dinner that day) and I had filled a water bottle with water. I was so clammy and as I got out of my third shower, I took my temperature: 101.5 degrees. I had puked up my breakfast. And I had thrown up some of the Snapple. I tried bread crumbs before the Snapple and they seemed to stay down. I returned to bed, and started to sob. That's when I heard him, “ Don't cry Angel, I'm here.” I felt a hand touching my hair. A smiled formed as I was turning to face Knox. His soul was glowing by my bedside. “It's time Angel. Close your eyes. Go to sleep.”

I obeyed him and feel asleep.



In the morning I was weak, but the fever had broken. A few days later as I shut my eyes, I died peacefully in my sleep. Layla had dropped by and checked for a pulse. “No, mom come on, not now.”

I had been just sent my revision to the editor. The editor had left a message on the phone that there were some minor structure things. Layla called Lizzy, the daughter Chrystal- Rose and Ronny, “help me deal with the editor the book is almost to print. I found mother dead this morning – she must have died in her sleep. I called cousin Paul, he has a great idea but we need your help.”

When Lizzy called back, she responded, “ Give me the editor's name and phone number. I see about consulting on the book. What's was Paul Canton's idea?”

“He says a group of us should write a eulogy to Marigold Raye as a introduction. What do you think? You 're the editor in this family.” Layla Kampt suggested. “I wouldn't know where to begin.”

“I get a flight to Minnesota to talk with Justine Tremble. I can offer some assistance to help the book get published. I'll bring up Paul's suggestion then. We'll see what she says.” Lizzy said. “ In the meantime get a death notice in the journal-sentinel. How much death planning did Angelica do when Knox died?”

“They made started provisions when Christopher Kent died. I pulled two manila envelopes from her files: the Last Will and Testimate of Angelica Kent, as well as one labeled End of Life provisions.” Layla said.



Knox and I saw everything. But the biggest thing to me was when Layla went to the microphone announcing “Will the middle generation please rise, and remain standing as I read our testament to Marigold Raye! This eulogy is our contribution to my mother's book. Angelica Kent, I hope your listening where-ever you are!”



Knox and I appeared holding hands in the back of the church as she read the Eulogy ending, “ And today we honor Marigold Raye – our Angel, as she joins those souls who went before us, to a Cloud in the Sky.”

“At Matthew Smithton's request the recessional will not be found in the hymn book, but we will play Angelica and Knox Kent's song. Because today they are reunited in heaven,” The presider announced. The song that played was off of Plus One's CD The Promise. As a tear ran down Chrystal-Rose's face, she held Ronny's hand very tightly in hers, and Rachel placed her a tissue from the new package she brought with her.



“It's time.” Knox whispered to Angel.



As I stand before St. Peter, I anticipate the throne and my lost love

Who leads me home to heaven on the other side of the gate –

Welcome Child of God! Says St. Peter closing the book of life.

I take my husband's hand as The Wise Archangel approaches to deliver us

to the Messiah on His Throne On High.































Part Two: In the Beginning: Flashing back in time.



My elementary school buddies put me on a pedestal, as the song from their voices

called me a hero, because my strength was the wind in their sails.

In those comfortable moments, I almost forgot the problems that came of

the relationships as I grew up faster right before their very eyes.



The team captain Kat Valens tried to keep the team together

applying Compassionate balm to all its members. The girl chosen

to be my go-to girl (by coach Barry) didn't have much patience

so I turned to Kat and Rachel. A whole team was necessary to raise and strengthen me

as we went singing down the Hallways of Donnerville High. Try calling us crazy now!



A United force: that's what we were. True, there were disagreements as my go-to girl assigned

and my go-to girl self chosen had words as I stood in the middle fighting to reassure

Rachel that I was on her side.



Our team was splintering my chosen go-to girl was nearly going to tears.

So I let her hold my hand (not because I was dating her) but because I knew

she wouldn't let me wrap her in my arms, saying: I still believe in you.

I just wish those that held their hands out to me later on at Donnerville High

could have said the same thing to me.



After the football game I found my go-to guy kicking at the goal post

the field was deserted because when he asked for a rendezvous, we had planned to meet alone.

“he's a sneak- Angelica”

“Are you sure?” I looked into his eyes in an examining manner as his face fell.

“I wouldn't say it if I did want you to get Hurt”

“What about him exactly don't you trust: Knox”

“I just wish I could open your eyes: Angel”



I never wanted to be a star, because they shine from a distance

but when I couldn't understand and the light was dissipating,

I found a little slip in my locker: the man who won't talk

about his past-won't plan for a future in your arms. With his symbol.



If only I had listened that night on the football field! But Geoffrey

really fooled me and the heart I gave him should have gone to Knox.

I knew Geoffrey's heart was melting under my eyes yet he pushed me away.



Knox rallied the team and some of the cheerleaders

as they told Knox what was going around the tennis team.

When they did, he wrote a note and slid it through the slots of my locker:

He'll break your heart: Angel with his initials the k and backwards K

he used to tell me it was him without writing his name.



I slipped a scrap into his locker “Rendezvous: same spot”

One of the cheerleaders saw the slip and ask him “What if it's a trick?”

“Angel wouldn't trick me.” he said thoughtfully

“What about Geoffrey?” she asked.

“He doesn't know the spot.”

“Ok but just in case me and the girls are going to hide under the bleachers”



So as I proceeded to my locker, by slipping away from Geoffrey, I found a scrap of paper

with“under the stars” on it and the symbol I had grown to recognize.

I crumpled it up just before Geoffrey could see it to avoid suspicious eyes.



The stars were dancing in my eyes that night as I arrived at the football field.

Knox had arranged for the gates to be open as usual.

“I wish I had good news: Angel. I saw him with a tennis player...”

I wouldn't let him finished “we danced Knox and it was heaven on earth”

“Angel: don't be fooled, what seems like heaven can quickly become hell.

Trust me-it happened to me.”

“Knox, trust me. I know myself and no pipsqueak of a tennis player could even compare

to the love in my heart”

“I don't doubt it” he whispered “But do you know him?”

As my eyes glared at my go-to guy, I wondered: What in the world he was talking about

and what would motivate Geoffrey to settle for a younger girl?



As I pondered Knox's words rolling them over and over in my head I began to ask:

could I lose Geoffrey?As fifth hour rolled around, a little slip fell out of my locker

in front of Geoffrey's watchful eyes. He read the words “ Remember, be watchful.”

With Knox's symbol, Geoffrey's eyes slanted “Whose this.”

“I'll thank you not to read my messages.” My jaw set: “Who is she Geoffrey?

Who is the tennis player?”

“Well you were bound to find out someday: Virginia and I are going to snowball!

Here's your ticket I'd like to see you replace me this quick. “ I hurried off in tears.





One of Knox's teammate pulled up in his truck as Knox's hopefulness surged

I wiped a tear from my eyes but they were still puffy from crying.

The teammate hit Knox on the back in camaraderie.

Knox tried wrap his arms around me but I shook my head, dabbing at my eyes with a tissue.

Knox's face fell as he murmured “Come away Angel. Would you like some frozen custard, my treat?”

I paused and dabbed at my eyes silently as one of the cheerleaders called out from the tailgate:

“comfort food- Knox.”

“Come up here in the cab with us”: said Edwards.

Knox looked at me: “come on Angel.”

As Knox called out the name of a custard stand, Edwards shook his head:

the drive was really quiet, I kept looking straight ahead, not really seeing the road.



Knox brush my fingertips and I swallowed my sobs.

One of the cheerleaders said“I've got her Knox: go order.”

We wound our way to a table. Dead silence. One of them started to say : He told her..

but another one silenced her.

Knox brought two waffle cones back to the table

And Edwards brought back a round of the biggest burger that they made for the table.

He tried to hand one to Angel .... But Knox shook his head, handing me the cone and a spoon

I slowly ate the top scoop but as a tear rolled down my cheek, I began to stab at the cone

until the cone broke and frozen custard oozed down the side:

“Bastard” I mumbled as the whole table looked up.

“Angel swears?” Edwards asked surprised.

Knox nodded: “Give me the ticket, Angel.”



Snowball was something but I wasn't planning to go. Knox left me a note two days

before the dance “Plan in motion.” With his symbol.

I had bought him a pager for his birthday. He had given me a prepaid phone card for mine.



A few of the football players huddled in the darkest corner of the hallways :

“Edwards- keep an eye out for Geoffrey and Virginia.”

Cuffe said: “and she was cussing, that's unheard of for Angel.”

Emory: “if Kent slept with her, Geoffrey would get the hint.”

Kent: “Listen Emory, Angel is a Christian. They do things differently”

Edwards: “Is that why we are so careful around her?”

Cuffe: “Maybe we should call hell-boy for this.”

Kent: “She doesn't want him died. I heard footsteps.”

The Spanish teacher rounded the corner. “Now students move along, class is in one minute. “

She rushed hurriedly passed. Edwards and Emory laughed and Cuffe let out his breath, Kent smiled;

“Are you sure she didn't over hear us?” Cuffe said

“Listen guys school isn't the best place to plan” one of the cheerleaders said “and

we saw Angel cry too. Is there anything we can do?”

Knox: “just make sure Virginia doesn't back out.”



Kat Valens rushed toward Rachel Givens house. “How bad is it, Rachel?”

Kat shouted into her cell phone as she turned the corner onto Rachel's street.

“I put the kettle on for tea but so far she won't say anything.

Kat I'm worried- I'm not sure what those football players will do.”

“How do you know they do anything?” Kat said ringing the doorbell

Rachel's mother answered the door. “ Kat, now's not the best time for company.”

“I called her mom. Angelica's in the front room- Kat “

Kat closed the cell phone and headstrong headed for the living room

“Now Angelica what exactly did you say in front of Edwards”

I handed her speechlessly a tiny slip of paper with the words “plan in motion” on it

with a symbol on it Kat hadn't seen before. Kat read in loud monotonous tone.

Rachel who had been pouring three cups of tea looked up. Nearly burning herself with hot water.

“Listen, Angel, Our team didn't come together for this. What?”

“She gave me this when she arrived here this afternoon”: He'll break your heart- Angel (same sign). Kat read both notes together silently. Rachel suggested: “Maybe we should call Jade?”



Just then the doorbell rung, Rachel's mom answered “Geoffrey!? What is this – a convention?”

Rachel Givens charged the door.

She screamed at the top of her lungs “Step off my porch or I'll give you a reason to!”

“I came to tell Angelica that I'll find out who this is. I thought you'd know?”

he handed her a slip: “Remember. Be watchful.” That same symbol was on it.

“Tell him goodbye, Angelica!” Rachel said “ Or I'll slam the door in his face.”

“ Angel The man who loves you won't hurt you and if he does he'll apologize.”

Kat said in the background.

“Tell Angelica, Virginia's considering sleeping with me at least.”

The door slammed before I could move.







































Part Three: Introducing Knox Kent



Kat whispering continued “who is this Rachel?”

“Knox Kent” I took my chamomile tea from Rachel.

“With what Geoffrey Mackinly said, it is a wonder you stayed with him this long” Kat Valens interjected. I rose and said “Rachel, can I use your phone? I have to page Knox.”



“hell-boy” Cuffe's number appeared.

Knox called back on Edwards' cell phone “Cuffe- alive she wants him alive.”

“It's not that hell-boy found out. I've been stalling but I don't know

how much longer I can keep him out of things”

“Can you meet us at Java Cafe? I have to keep my pager open for Angelica's page.”

“I'll try to get out without having hell-boy tag along but I make no guarantees!” Cuffe said



“Plans” Rachel's number. Knox called back from the Java Cafe pay phone:

“Listen this is as good a reason for payback as you could get.”

“Knox, I am not sure about this. Aren't we suppose to be more forgiving than this?

I think Geoffrey has one of our messages. He doesn't realize it yet Rachel

slammed the door in his face.”

“The worm came crawling back, didn't he?” came a voice in the background

“Not exactly. He's suspecting more went on between us.”

“Listen Angel it's no secret that I like you. Edwards, Emory, and three of the cheerleaders are here.”

“Knox, get off the phone or put me on.” said Priscilla (the one that got us all that table

at the custard stand).“Listen Angel I know you know Knox but I've never heard

you swear before. Let us handle it. “ she said after Knox handed her the phone.

Kat looked at her tea, Rachel had half finished hers,mine was almost gone

“Put Edwards on.” I said

“ Edwards!”

“Order will you,” Edwards said edgily

“Angel wants to speak to you.” Priscilla said.

“You want to hear what the Bastard said when he showed up at Rachel's.”

“ I wouldn't miss this for anything.”

“Basically he's leaving me because the younger model will sleep with him. How cheap is that!”

“So you didn't sleep with him then?”

“It wouldn't have mattered Edwards! He still would have left me thankfully for that harlot- ok!”

“I know, Knox thought this might happen. And what would you do curse him into hell?

Angelica, Hell's too nice a place for him”

Two espresso, One Steamer, One hot chocolate, one white chocolate mocha and one latte extra foam.

“Cuffe hasn't made it yet, shouldn't we wait?” said another cheerleader.

“Distractions” Cuffe's cell phone.

“Emory, can I borrow your cell phone? Edwards is still on with Angel.”

“Just block the number, I don't want Hell-boy to notice I called.”

Alec's cell went to voice mail, “don't leave a message, text: 60 then come.”

“Edwards get off the phone before your drink gets cold.”

“Listen Angel let us handle it. Trust me - sometimes I feel like I've got something to

settle with him too.” I hung up. Kat put down her tea barely touched

“Rachel, you know how Coach Barry feels about swimmers and football players.”



I put my cup on the sink. “ Feeling any calmer?” Rachel said almost done with hers.

“I wish I knew what they were planning” Kat commented into her tea.

“Listen Kat, Knox took me out to cheer me up. It was Edwards truck. Can I help

that the cheerleaders got involved?” I said



Back at Java Cafe:

Emory smiled” Got it! Priscilla Request “Sex in the 90ies” by Gloria Estefan,

have the other two cheerleaders distract Geoffrey's gaze. I'll start things off:

I could dance with her – Virginia you know. Then Edwards you cut in

when the song mentions sex the first time. Priscilla and Cuffe will do the

cheering and laughing. And Knox you cut cut in on the second refrain and

get as close as you can to her as you can. We'll see where his loyalties are?”

“Are you sure that's enough? Angel's eyes were puffy. And she cried into her waffle cone.”

Knox Kent replied.

“If we do much more, she might try to reconcile and come down on us.” Edwards commented

to Priscilla, “Whatever, she called him a bastard we all heard her.”

“Edwards, after we pull this off the three of us will refuse Geoffrey's requests for dancing, etc.

and the three of you ignore Virginia completely.”

“It only took us forty-five minutes to come up with something Angelica wouldn't object to.”

“What did you get Angelica if she got you a pager?”

“ A phone card with prepay minutes”

“Why didn't the two of you just get a pair of cell phones?” Samuel Edwards asked Knox.

“Please... at the time she was worried about what Geoffrey would think!” Kent replied

“Stupid 'eh?” Priscilla said. Emory looked surprised.



Kat: “Rachel why are you not as worried about this as I am.

(putting down her cup for the second time, this time half gone)

Rachel asked me for Jade's number at her apartment where she lived with roommates.

“Rachel, who is Jade, I don't remember her.”

“Oh Jade's related to Angelica. A second cousin, I think.” Rachel posed.

“We can plan something so Angel doesn't do any more crying over that creep.”

“Let me call Jade maybe she'll have some great ideas” I said “Rachel,

sorry to do this again but do you mind if I make another phone call?”

I left a message on the answering machine: “Jade, it's an emergency. Call Rachel Givens house

when you get this message. (555-4278).” Rachel answered 45 minutes later when she called back.

She explained the situation with me croaking back tears in the background

and Kat trying to quiet me down.

“We'll start with go-carts, take a break for dinner, oh put me on speaker phone Rachel”

Jade responded. “Hello Angel I can hear the sob in your throat. Call in: whose there?”

My name is Kat. Kat Valens.

This is Rachel, I got my mother to leave to get pizza. We need to cheer up Angelica on Saturday evening and afternoon. Are you game?

Give me the details, Angel don't cry.

My name is Kat we really need to get her away from Geoffrey Mackinly. He said he would

sleep with the first young thing he found.

It's true -I sniffled.

Jade it got worse when Geoffrey showed up here.

Jade he's not that great.

Rachel, I'll bring eye drops it will keep her from looking teary. That way if we run into Geoffrey at the pizza place it won't look like she misses him that much.

This is Kat, I'll do the driving.

Absolutely no men that night. Angel I can hear you.

Sorry.

Yeah no guys- no chance of some guy making her feel worse right now.

How is the arcade for the rest of the night?

Are you sure it will help Jade?

She liked it when we were younger. Just as she said that Mrs. Givens walked inside with three pizzas, one with everything I liked on it.

Let's meet at my house say 4:00pm.

I'll ask off from my boss as a family emergency. I don't think he'll be as understanding if I say a friend needs me that day.

Slight problem: I need to talk to my boyfriend Jas Canton. We were suppose to have a date that night.

If I explain why Angel needs me, he'll be more understanding. Can I tell him Angel?

I guess. Just tell him less. Only enough that he'll understand why I'm in tears.

Jade this is Rachel; you can tell him this is attempt 3 to cheer Angelica up

Yeah tell him Geoffrey really hurt Angel this time but leave out Knox Kent for now

Does he know anything we don't?

Geoffrey is suspicious of our friendship; he thinks there's more to it Jade.

He probably ruin her reputation if he knew who was sending the messages.

That's rich, I should tell her godfather. Rachel shifted nervously under her mother's gaze.

He claimed she was sleeping around on him Jade.

Angelica is waiting for marriage. I'll make sure I have tissues and eye drops.

What a loser!

Don't tell my mother. And let's just get through the evening before we alert anyone who could tell her.

Ok I'll swear Jas to secrecy. I can probably make it by 5pm. I get off work at 4:30. I'll have Jas drop me off. Bye for now

Bye we all responded. Rachel hung up the receiver.

“Rachel, was that the guy that showed up on our family's porch this afternoon?” Mrs. Givens asked. As my face tensed, Kat glanced at Rachel. Rachel swallowed, “I'll tell you later.”

“Alright. One pizza is for your dad and me; he's due to arrive home any minute. Kat you have a choice: you can share the pizza with angelica's favorite toppings or you can share Rachel and her brother's pizza. Solly Givens would be willing to make an exception if I tell him what I overheard.”

“That's alright Mrs. G, I can share with Angel. You don't have to tell Solomon Givens.”

Kat open the box for the pizza with Canadian Bacon, green pepper, mushrooms, and black olives.

“Come on Angelica, this looks good.” Kat took the first piece and after taking the first bite, mmm-ed for effect. I let out my breath and reached for a slice.

Solly came walking into the kitchen and removed his headphones. Then he turned the Walkman off.



“Rendezvous, New Years Eve same spot” :showed up in my locker on Monday.

With thankfulness for my night away my problems, I just was hopeful the Chaos was over.

“Same time.” I left in his locker.

At dinner time I used my home phone to page Knox: “Go Good” Smithtons

Knox called back as the sun set in the west

“I'm ready; I have a surprise for you.” Knox said

“It should be good, just go easy on me. I know that you said you liked me the last time I paged you.”

“I am bringing a tarp, I don't want you to get nervous ok”

“But there's a lot of snow” I complained.

“Bring boots” Knox spoke softly.

He had the lights on which was a change. My face started to smile when I saw the roses.

“I brought energy drinks (or sparkling cider) I didn't know which you'd prefer.” he replied

to my speechlessness.

“So this is why you wanted me to wear boots. It is great.” I said shifting nervously

“I tried to make hamburgers but Priscilla said it would be better if I bought them - you decide.”

I shrugged “lets see the homemade first.” I stood on the tarp looking at the black circle.

“Uh Knox you really shouldn't cook.” I banged the hamburger against the goal post for effect.

“Ok what's the second choice?”

“These huge ones that Edwards offered us. I've been saving them for the opportune moment.”

“Ok” I said quietly.

“Look at me: you're still beautiful.” Knox locked his eyes with mine and smiled.



The next time I paged him was my confirmation retreat. I used a confirmant's cell phone

“best love” and cell phone number. The locker messages helped but I told him to be patient.

I needed a little time. He called back by borrowing Emory's cell, blocking the number

so that whoever I borrowed the phone from wouldn't know at first glance.

“ I thought I'd never hear your voice again” Knox Kent said.

“ Whose cell did you borrow this time?”

“Emory Clay, Geoffrey's been saying stuff about you and the way we handled things.”

“I missed you. “ I said.

“Not Geoffrey.”

“You!” I said rather loudly into the phone.

“Angelica, will you be much longer? I'm trying to save my minutes,” said Landon Richardson.

“Not long.” I responded to Landon. “I just wanted you to know I can't forget you. Will you meet the bus at my church 3pm Sunday?”

“Sure you want me there?” Knox replied.

“Yes, I'm sure.” I ended the call and handed the phone back to Landon.



He had a lighted jar candle in one hand and a stargazer lily in the other hand when he met the bus.

“I have a card in the car but I only have two hands.” he paused, “Oh and I tried to get my license but I already have three speeding tickets so my sister drove. I didn't want to ask Priscilla and I wasn't sure

if the guys would make you nervous. This is the first time you paged me since new years eve

and I didn't want to mess it up.” Knox swallowed.

I took in a breath and let it out slowly. I smiled,” Then this would be meeting the family.” I took the jar from his hand so he could grab my suitcase.

“Part of it” Knox said. I blew out the candle and closed the jar.

“Hello you must be Angel. He was having a hard time picking out a flower so I suggested a lily.”

One of his sisters held out her hand. I nodded and shook it.

“Oh and the card: Pre-warning, it's musical”

“Oh that's ok.” I tore the card open after Kent put my bag and the candle into the trunk.

I had asked him to hold the flower while I opened the card. Landon Richardson and

Lester Henning watched from a distance by the car Teres Stevens had pulled up in.

Lester's mother had dropped him off because he said “I want to check on how

Angelica Smithton was doing.”

“It was a choice between this one and one that played “Sex in the 90ies” ' Knox Kent replied.

“I chose the love themed card over the Missing You Honey.”

“Yeah the other one was an anniversary card anyway.” His sister retorted.

I read the front: I don't where I'd be without you in my life. As I opened the card:

No Remedy for Love played: You're the music of my heart, and the one that I love; there no

one else quite like you. Knox Kent.

“Thank you for not buying the other one.” I said smiling.

“Sure” Knox replied

Lester said, “It was the first time I ever got a call from Knox Kent. I was there when they had their first kiss. Without me, they would have stood there forever without moving. Who knows if they would be together now?”

Landon said, “Thanks for the heads-up; Angelica's never asked to borrow my phone before.”



“Would you like to go to prom?” he asked

“Knox, can we go camping instead. How are we going to convince our parents?”

“Chaperons I guess.”

“Who in your family can keep a secret?”

“We're screwed. If my twin doesn't like you, he'll make trouble for us.”

“I may have a solution: how about we ask my brother too? He's a boyscout. It could be

helpful and if we're lucky you won't have to cook. I'll catch him off guard.” I said.

Matthew Smithton had just come around the corner when we finished talking. “Matt, ... I have something to ask but I need your help to convince mom and dad. “

Mathew looked from one face to the other: Knox tried to remain hopeful.

“It will be our secret.” Knox said to Matthew.

“Sis, what exactly do I have to do?”

“Keep Knox's twin off our backs and help me borrow a few camping supplies from troop 201.”

Matt looked skeptical, just as Knox asked, “How old are you anyway?”

He asked Matthew but thinking he was asking me, the Smithton children responded at the same time: “16, 17”. “No sex Angel, right?” Knox asked.

“Face it honey you're 18. But secondly, I told you I am waiting for marriage already.”

“Yeah but sometimes people change their minds.” Knox responded.



I had borrowed three two man tents from the lockup. Matt had suggested grabbing a few other things that we could use this trip. “Have you ever met his brother, sis?”

“Not yet but I know they're twins already.”

“I'm just hoping they're not identical.” Matthew Smithton said.

“Trust me by now even if they're identical I can probably pick Knox out.”

“You can but how will I know which brother to keep away from you?”

“Knox says if he doesn't like me we'll have trouble.”

Matthew Smithton swallowed “Why did you pick me and not Jade?”

“Face it, Matt. I'm still the older sister. Jade's older than me.”



“We're packing one suitcase, I am on to you Knox.” Knox's twin commented.

Knox pulled out his pager. “ I wish Angel would page me already.” I paged Knox

not more than 15 minutes afterwards “Truck” Smithtons.

As I answered the phone, a new voice said “Hi there Angelica, we've never been introduced.”

“Are Knox and you ready? Me and Matthew have some camping gear on the porch. Matthew just got his license but I am hoping you drive because I don't. Knox is in danger of losing his license so it may be safer if you drive us. Will you put Knox on?”

“How did you know I wasn't Knox?”

“Your voice is different.”

Knox picked up “Be prepared for a shock. We'll take my brother's van.”

As Matthew and I were loading the last of the gear into the van, Matthew looked from

one twin to the other. “Sis, how will I tell them apart?”

“I'll be right back”: I grabbed the house phone and dialed the pager. “Knox!” Smithtons.

Knox pulled the pager from his pocket and then yelled: “I'm already here Angel.”

I stepped back outside: “See Matthew, he hasn't let anyone touch it since

I gave it to him for his birthday last year.”

Knox's brother replied “That may be, but I'm the older twin.”



The first day on the campground was relatively uneventful. Matt Smithton reminded me how to

set up two man tents. The Kent brothers watched us set up the first of the two man tents. Matt

and I practically had the second one up as the Kent boys wrestled with the third. Matt looked at

me whispering, “Which one is Knox again?”

“Here” said Knox handing me the pager “we almost got it.”

“Finally” said Knox's twin. And with that the last of the two man tents were up. I grabbed

a sleeping bag and a small suitcase. Knox grabbed a sleeping bag.

“Matthew, take Kent's brother and go get water while we get the sleeping arrangements set.”

They left with two plastic jugs. After they left the site I whispered “Knox did you remember the extra sleeping bag.” In one of the two man tents we opened two Sleeping bags and unzipped them.

“And the extra pillow?”

“Got it” I said. I put my pillows and the extra pillow in my tent. Then we put two sleeping bag

in the third tent along with the suitcase Knox and his brother were sharing.

“How do we get around the one suitcase Angel?” Knox nervously raised his fingertips to his mouth. “Don't worry it could still work out? Remember the plan.” We put Matthew's suitcase and a sleeping

bag in the first tent that was set up.



We were sitting at the table: Knox and I, when Matt and his twin got back with the water jugs.

Christopher Kent asked Matthew “What do we need for these zip pack things again?”

“Some meat, a couple potatoes and two ears of corn,” the Smithton children said in unison. Christopher blinked but went and got the supplies from the van.

Matthew said: “Don't forget the aluminum foil.” Matthew followed him and got out the fire making supplies. I raised Knox's right hand, the friendship bracelet with the word Love in it got caught on his right forearm. “Matthew, this is how to tell Christopher and Knox apart.”

Christopher Kent set up a folding chair while Knox and I prepared the zip packs

and Mathew put the grate over the fire pit. The flame was starting to grow.























Part Four: Starting College and the Wedding.



I met Chrystal-Rose and Tobias at Collenge College in the campus ministry group.

Knox got us both cell phones when I graduated Donnerville High.

“Dance Friday.” I text.

“Do we have to Angel?” Knox text back. “Won't your college buddies think I'm bad for you?”

“Knox call me!” I text back. My cell rung.

“Hold that thought, Chrystal-Rose” I answered.

“Hello. .... Knox she won't think your a bad guy. ....... Just don't mention Virginia. Chrystal-Rose say

something.”

“What's his name?” she said.

“Knox Kent.”

“Knox, the whole campus is buzzing about the dance. And Angelica really wants to go ..... But the two of you can come together.... I know it's date night- Angelica told me. Knox said he wants to talk to you.”

“Ok Angel, we'll go.”



The dance was well in swing when we arrived at the door and they handed us the plastic beads.

Knox immediately put his around my neck. This college guy in the corner tried to catch my eye.

The one that Chrystal-Rose liked. Knox noticed but he was always a few steps ahead of me

anyway. “I'm going to go talk to Justin. Maybe ask him to dance.”

Knox smiled in that way that said something was brewing. “I going to request that swing song we danced to last Friday. You know the one that band played. Who was the original artist on that?”

“Mik Turner.” Angel glance over at Chrystal-Rose to see if she was making any progress with Justin. When she heard the opening bars of Dirty Boogie,

Chrystal- Rose said: “come on Justin I love this song. “

I rushed up to the disc jockey with glowing cheeks.

Knox said “ I hoped to put those lessons to better use.” I laughed, grabbing his hand as we headed toward the dance floor. A circle formed around the four of us.

Justin announce “trade you.”

Knox looked at me and began whispering “Remember” in my ear “Be Watchful.”

Knox put out his hand for Chrystal-Rose just as Justin put out his hand for me.

“So Knox, how long have you and Angelica been together.”

“Since the date of my Prom.”

“I see.” She was quiet for a moment.

Justin put me in sweetheart position whispering “You need a college boy”

As I broke the hold I rushed off, clenching my fists at my side. Knox glowered at Justin.

Chrystal-Rose looked hurt. Knox whispered quietly “ For Angel's sake, let's finish the dance.”

When they caught up with me, I was steaming at the table. I still looked angry.

“Listen Angel, I told you to be watchful!” Knox said more calmly than he felt

as he sent Chrystal- Rose to get the sodas.

“I was Knox.” I said through clenched teeth.

“You won't guess who was at the bar.” Chrystal- Rose said “I really wanted to throw my soda at him.” Knox nodded knowingly. “Did you?” Knox added.

“No it's not the Christian thing to do.”

Angel nodded as Knox shrugged.



Jade text “Christmas at Penny and Richard's bring Knox. I want him to met Jas.” Knox pushed

me to get my license after prom my senior year of Donnerville High. Matthew was about to graduate Donnerville High. He got all these scholarships to this really good film school in California.

My brother had gotten a cell for graduation and he was picking up text-ing pretty quickly.

“airport 5am see you at nine sis.” he normally ran all his thoughts together.

Knox just got his license again when he was 20 not that much after me at almost 19. Christopher use to shuttle him around sometimes. He use to work close to home. If he needed to, he could walk but sometimes he asked me to drive. Jade was anything but shy and Jas seemed to get bolder around her. When Uncle Richard pulled out the deck of cards, Jade said “Dad, Jas doesn't know the family game.” “Neither does Knox I didn't teach him.”

“That's ok, only six can play at a time anyway.”

“Matthew, where's Aunt Audrey and Uncle Alan?” Jade said.

“They're on a job. A wedding, I think.” I said before Matt could speak up.

“Is Knox always this quiet?” my cousin Tim asked. Tim was a bit of a nerd really.

“Sometimes.” I said . Jas was listening quietly too.

“Jas was the same way when I met him.” Jade said knowingly.

Knox replied “ I'll sit out. Angel, I don't mind.”

“You play five handed I'll teach Jas and Knox. Got another deck.” Jade said.



I dropped off a bunch of roses at the dorms to cheer up Chrystal- Rose.

She had text “Maybe I should create a Christian convent for Non-denominationals”

“Don't toss in the towel quite yet” I text back .

Kat text “Eloping Friday. See us off. I was waiting to introduce him.”

I rushed to call Rachel but the line was busy.

Knox immediately went and bought a silver rosary ring, with a diamond cross, safire nubs, and a tiger's eye rose in the middle of the cross. He had to special order it and did so when I told him the good news.



Alec text “Are you sure?”

Emory said “What?”

“Knox is going to propose. To Angel?” Priscilla asked.

“Yes” Emory smiled “Who else?”

Edwards was silent. “Priscilla and I moved in together.”

“Did you ever think they would be the first of us to marry?”

“I didn't think they'd last this long.”



One night a group of us went swing dancing and Knox never worried about me dancing. But when I brought Ronny over to dance with Chrystal- Rose, that was the just the beginning. The gemstones used to bounce glint of light in this place. Knox took Ronny over to the bar and asked “You gay?”

“No why?” Knox shook his head but didn't explain that only gay men tended to wear earings in both ears. It was like a girl only wearing one earing instead of two. He told me that once at work in front of a fellow cashier. “I wanted to give Chrystal- Rose my number.” Ronny continued.

Knox hit Ronny on the back (Not very hard but it made Ronny nervous), “What's that for?”

“Luck.” Knox said giving Ronny a push Chrystal- Rose's direction.

Knox's eyes crossed the busy room to lock with mine. I smiled and waved. He gave me a thumb's up and a wink. I tilted my head as I watched Ronny make his approach.

“So much for the convent” I mumbled under my breath. Knox told me later thankfully that he wasn't gay.



I found the slip in a box of old notes.

I'll wait as long as it takes. With Knox's symbol from high school.

A tear of Joyfulness slipped down my cheek, I smiled twisting my engagement ring.

Knox rented a ski shack that winter. “Try downhill Angel.”

“Listen I'll stick to the bunny hills, but I'm not going to stop you if you wanted to take the big hill.”

“Ok Angel. “ said Knox getting on the chair lift.

After he came down the second time, I was sick of the bunny hills.

“Knox, can we please rent snow shoes tomorrow! I would really like to try them.”

We just got back to the shack when I noticed three texts marked private on Knox's phone.

“Who is it?” Knox said.

“I don't know but it could be one of your friends.”

“Damn.” I said reading the message. I looked angry. This gained Knox's attention as he

poured the hot cocoa into the mugs.

I handed Knox the phone “ Geoffrey. How do you think he got the number?”

Knox's face contorted as he read the text message I left open on his phone. “We should really change the number.”

When we drove back from our vacation, we were both silent.



Before we knew it Chrystal- Rose was flashing her engagement ring with three diamonds in it

around. I asked Chrystal-Rose and Rachel to be be bridesmaids. I made Kat a reader. I asked

Jade to be my matron of honor. Jas and Jade had tied the knot last September.

Knox told Edwards “ I wish Geoffrey would leave Angelica alone.”

“ You love her right?” Samuel said.

“Yeah Edwards, I really do.”

“ Priscilla says not to worry.”

“ I can hear her”

“Yeah Knox I picked up the extension.” Priscilla added. “How are plans going?”

“Pretty good but I'm thinking of asking Angel to elope. Kat did.”

“Really?”

“But I know Angel wants us to have a small ceremony.” He said into the phone

as my mother opened the door let him in.

“I hope you did drive on the cell phone.” Audrey Smithton said.

“I used the hands-free attachment.” Knox responded to my mother. “Listen I got to go,

Angel and I will be there soon.”

“I tried to get her up but you know how she is when she's tired.” Audrey commented.

The two of them sat down on the edge of my bed. I yawned as I stretched

and he brushed the sleep from my eyes. “Time for the rehearsal.” Knox whispered softly.

“Give me 20 minutes” I said rising fully dressed from under the afghan. “I meant to be ready honest.”

I asked the parish priest to locate Fr. Patrick for me. He married us at St. Cecilia's Church in the village.

(Continue in next slot)















Part Five: God and us.



“The first couple years are the hardest ones. After the honeymoon years, it gets easier.”

Kat assured me.

“Will Knox and I see you at Blessed Trinity?” I said.

“I have been looking all over St. Cecilia's Church. When did the two of you join the parish

of Blessed Trinity?” Kat asked.

“We weren't all that pleased with the new priest at St. Cecilia's in the village. Knox suggested we go

church shopping the last time I complained about the sermon.”

“Is that really your favorite part?” Kat said into her cell phone.

“Well... Knox said it's not that big a deal. But two months ago he was so bad that the two of us were moping around the house most of the week. I called Rachel on Wednesday because I still felt off.” “That bad. I know the sermons could use help but my hubby just fell into a pattern. Two months ago we were visiting his parents so I didn't catch it.” Kat responded.





As I closed my cell, I noticed Knox texting on his. His face looked so intent on the conversation, I didn't want to interrupt him. I looked over his shoulder in time to see him text - “Don't worry it will

blow over and you'll be back to normal.”

As he opened the trunk, I put the groceries in. He began to raise his hand to his mouth. I shook my head – he still hasn't grown out of that – I thought.

“I don't know she seemed kinda mad at me”- Edwards text back.

“It's Edwards. He had a fight with Priscilla.” Knox said.

“Hand me the keys, I'll drive.” I replied. Knox handed over the keys.

“Make a tape of apology music”- Knox text.

“Knox she left the house in a huff”- Edwards text.

“Do you know where she went?” Knox text.

“It's green, Angel!” Knox said. I pulled through the intersection.



I called Fr. Patrick for advice. “Angelica if you don't know what they were fighting about, I not sure how I can help.” he said. “How is their church life?”

“Oh Father, I don't know if they go to church.” I said.

“Well, prayer never hurts Angelica. God will know what they need” Fr. Patrick commented.

I prayed that night. Knox said “It's good to see you pray.”



I had just started to write my first book. Knox looked at the outline and said “Angel, Alec's having enough trouble right now. Do you really think this book is going to be that good?”

“I have to start somewhere.”

“I know but look at this title – Cal's Main Problem. How about As The Bough Breaks?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence honey.”

“Gees, why do you have to make it sound so bad? Alec's temper is starting to get under control. Why don't you write our story?” Knox said thoughtfully.

“Alejandro was always a short fuse honey. I can't help that your friends are more interesting than mine.”

“But this could almost be real Angel?” Knox commented, a cup of coffee in his hand, just as our home phone rang. “Angel, it's Matt. Can you take a break?” said Knox holding the phone to his shirt.

“Not if I am going to make my deadline, honey?” I said.

“Listen Matt it's been crazy here with Angel's Book. I've already taken three messages from Chrystal-Rose, two from Kat, and five from Rachel. Jade said no message but the Cantons will see us at the end of the month for Christmas. Matt, it's not that your sister is avoiding the phone but this deadline is making her a bit difficult to reach.”



“I miss my wife,” Knox said when him and his friends met for lunch. “This book of hers is taking up so much of her time. I wanted to start a family..... “ Knox's voice trailed off. He stared at his sandwich.

“Priscilla said your suggests were helpful but how did you come up with it.” Samuel Edwards said.

“Mostly things go well between Angel and Me, but it's like this book is getting in the way of our marriage. She keeps snapping at me. It's like something really bad happened to Angel. She was never like this with me. All I seem to do lately is take messages, I miss my wife.”

Priscilla took Samuel's hand.

“Have you thought about telling her to take a day off?” Emory asked.

“Constant pressures for the draft could be getting to her. Did she procrastinate?”

“A little but she said it was simmering the storyline.” Knox said thoughtfully. “Her friends keep

telling me – it's not you, it's just the book?”

“Does she cook?” Alec said.

“I have been picking up the slack but one can only stand so much take out food. She's letting it sit while she figures out how to end the book. Even Jade can see the strain Angelica's work is putting on us, last Christmas.” Knox replied “all thankfully that is left is the ending, I just wish Angel would get it over with so we both can start to relax.”



My book did well but our friends were expecting a different story. Knox was taking a little

guff from the guys he worked with. My friends keep fielding questions about abusive relationships. Cuffe was mad at Knox. Emory didn't want to take sides. Edwards and Priscilla kept changing

the subject when the book came up. I kept praying that the debates of my fictional book would

end. Even mass was a strain. Fr. Patrick suggested couples counseling. Knox kept doubting my affection for him. Our fights were over little things and more frequent. Knox suggested we take a break in our marriage and I got an apartment. Some days I didn't rise. What would my life be like

without my husband? My supportive man. My Loving man. What if this is the end? I wasn't taking phone calls because what was I suppose to say? I miss my husband......



After 9 months I rallied my friends, I wanted them to help me decide what to do. I still loved

Knox and the vows that combined our souls remained, weighing heavy on my heart.

Kat said “sometimes forever is just too hard, Angel.”

“If you love him, chances is he misses you just as much. “ Rachel suggested.

“If you feel like this, Angel. You could write him and try to explain why you still need him there a three quarters of a year later.” Chrystal- Rose suggested “Then you'd know if this could be repaired.”

“Jas and I can help you write the letter, Angel” Jade said.



Knox hadn't been having the best year either. His friends hated seeing him in such great pain. He was always a bit more nervous since “As the Bough Breaks” was released to the public. Cuffe wasn't too happy about the book but he understood that Knox loved Angelica.

Knox keep saying “I miss the woman I fell in love with.”

“How is she different?” they would ask.

But all he ever said was “She seems to be changing, guys. I can't stop it.”





Jade and Jas had me over to their house to play video-games. Jas asked Jade why she made that suggestion over the phone to me.

She replied, “It will help her relax and ultimately write a better letter to her husband. He deserves to know how she feels. I was sneaky, after the last time she got us together about this, I called

Knox Kent and asked how he had been doing the past nine months. Jas, he still loves her

and he almost cried about it.”

After Jas Canton, Jade Canton, and me played a few games; I felt energized and the three of us

sat down at the kitchen table. Jade pulled out the “love list” I had sent around by email.

It answered the question: what do you love about Knox Kent? Jade and I did pre-writing.

She asked to write down what I thought marriage meant and it's true purpose. Then she told me

he said, “I was changing into someone he didn't recognize and he wanted the woman

he feel in love with back.” I nearly cried as I wrote the first draft of the letter I sent him.



Dear Knox,





I can't stand this. This year has been the longest year of my life and promises to continue to be. I need you, I love you so much. I am so sorry for neglecting our marriage. Without you, I'm incomplete. I miss my husband. I miss your love. I am willing to keep trying as long as you can tell me you still love me. My pride and my work came between us. I hope you can forgive me for my distance. I miss my man. I would be lost without you at my side for a lifetime.





Hoping for a new beginning,





Angelica Kent





I mailed the letter. Then I prayed these words: God don't let this be the end of the marriage of Knox and me. I need him so much.



I hung my head to cry just as the phone rang. It was Knox my husband

“Angel I read the letter. Do you really mean everything you said? “

“Yes” I said through a sob in my throat

“I have always loved you. Please come home.” Knox whispered.

Times still tried our nerves and tested our friendships. Rachel had been seeing Adam Wilkerman

for about a year. When he heard that Knox and I had reconciled our marriage,

he suggested engagement for them. “Yes” rang out without a second thought. She was

so happy that they went ring shopping the next week. Knox got me a locket when we reconciled

the marriage. It had a diamond in the center of the double heart. Inside was a picture of both of us. And a tiny piece of baby's breath. He said “In a little while, we should consider starting a family.”

We celebrated four anniversaries New Year's Eve: First date, One in March: first reunion, One in October: the wedding, and January : the second reunion. I began to write poetry about us

for a poem book called Love and Marriage including the “love list” as a poem. I wasn't going to include my “love list” but when Knox Kent saw it he insisted.



















Part Six: Noah Heedens, and new beginnings



Noah Heedens was the guitar player for my cousin-in-law's band. Though I thought Knox would

object to seeing a performance, but that's where Knox and I caught up with Tara Simms.

She had her eye on Jas. We tried to warn Jade. But Jade wasn't worried.

Then Tara tried to break up Rachel and Adam. “Man Stealer” even came after Knox who saw through her. No ethical dating and marriage bonds were left non-tempted. No couple remained immune to her destructiveness. Finally, she starting feeding Noah her lies. Knox had enough(we had just gotten back together). “ Call here again, Tara and I will report you to the police. By the way, Angelica's straight- you bitch.”



Afterwards, he called me from the poems I was writing for Love and Marriage. “Come to the living room; take a break Angel. I have to tell you something. I'll make you tea.

And me instant Cappuccino.”

“Knox I just started up writing again after our errands. Can it wait?”

“Sorry I need to tell you before we go to bed. You can continue tomorrow. Shut down, honey.”

“Sweetie, I made supper for you but I wanted to work all evening. I'll take coffee too,

what the heck?”

“Trust me, you want tension tamer but I'll put some creamer in it.”

I saved and shut down the computer. “I'm not tense.”

“You will be.” I began to bite my lips when he said that.

“Maybe I will take tension tamer.”

After I had taken a sip of my tea, Knox put his coffee down on the end table on a coaster.

I should have followed suit but I didn't. When he told about Tara's calls, he explained just enough

to allow me to draw the conclusions that she was trying to ruin our marriage. The same one I had been writing poetry about, we found out last week that I was expecting and now this. My face contorted and when I started to scream, Knox took the tea from my hands. I screamed and yelled for one hour. Even after, he told me he threated to call the police on her. Knox watched me, being careful not to spill the tea. He listened as every cuss I could think of for a home wrecker came out my mouth. He waited patiently even though he didn't know what would come next. When I stopped yelling, I started crying. Knox said, “You never gave me a moment to doubt you love me Angel. I'm not going anywhere.” He placed another coaster on the end table, putting my tea on top of it. “This isn't good for the baby. “

“I want to go to bed. I thought she changed.”

Knox looked at my tear-stained face and said, “You probably won't sleep unless you calm down,

finish your tea. It usually helps”

“Then I'll hold you until five-thirty am, when I get up for work.”

I sipped the tea despondently. Knox finished his coffee first but waited until I put my cup down empty to clear the mugs to the kitchen. I was still sitting there when he returned.

“I love you, Angelica. And when you react like this to a threat on our marriage,

I know you love me. Pray tonight, please don't go to bed angry.”

I let him lift me to my feet and walk me to our bedroom. I grabbed my prayer notebook and a pen

from my nightstand. I had been a housewarming gift from Rachel's Parents who were like family

to me. Rachel and Chrystal-Rose were like sisters to me. George was like a brother to my younger brother Matthew. So Janice, Ronny, Adam, and Knox had married in.

Knox changed into sweat pants in the bathroom to give me a little more privacy when I prayed. I was already dressed in nightwear: No nightie tonight.



I opened my prayer notebook to a blank page:



Dear God,

There's a time for peace and a time for war. And a wise man knows which is called for. Your Children deserve justice. Just avenge us, Redeemer.

Your daughter in Christ,

Angelica Kent





As I put the prayer notebook back in my nightstand, my husband appeared with my sleep tape.

He brought my boom box in and plugged it in putting it on top of my night stand by moving my alarm clock to the floor. We got a set of end tables from Chrystal-Rose and Ronny. He used one as a night-stand. His alarm clock was part sound machine, part alarm clock (there was no radio on it). He set it for five am. “If you hear the alarm, we could shower together - tomorrow. I mean if you want.”

He put in the sleep tape and pressed play.



After our shower, I climbed back in bed, for a few more hours sleep. As I signed into our joint email, I noticed that Janice, Kat, Rachel, and Jade were online. I changed my setting to available to chat; noticing that Jade and Rachel changed theirs at the same time. Janice and Kat remained busy.

I started chatting with Rachel Givens who was engaged to Adam Wilkerman. As I relayed what Knox had told me, Rachel noted some of Adam's behavior had been odd recently.







Rachel:

I can't explain it. We just got engaged but instead of being overjoyed, he is accusing me of dating you behind his back.



Angel: (I got angry)

I am not the bi one, Knox is!



Rachel:

Yeah I know but Adam doesn't know you as well as I do. As your honorary sister, people should expect us to be close but not that close.



Angel:

Yeah, I know what you mean. I wonder where he got the idea.



Jade:

Angel, Noah's been saying some lies to Jason about you. He screamed that he didn't want his children around you. And I screamed back Angel's not the problem and they're my children too.



Angel:

Jade wants to chat Rachel. Maybe we can find out how deep the rabbit hole is.



Rachel:

Ok (changed status to invisible)



Jade: (Jade continued to type.)

He screamed back I am the husband you need to respect me. I screamed back I am the wife you need to trust me. Beside I know Angel better than you do. Then we both fell silent but both of us were brooding. Why do you have to be such a bitch!- Jas launched back. I responded an assertive woman isn't a bitch she's direct. Care to rephrase that?



Angel:

This wouldn't be by chance based on something Tara said would it. I think she was trying to mess with my marriage and anyone who knows me.



Jade:

How'd you guess I hadn't even gotten to that part of the fight yet? I am generally understanding. You know that Angel; but when someone comes between me and Jas it is time for war.



Angel:

You know Rachel just got engaged and she says Adam's acting strangely too. You should have heard what Knox told me she'd been saying.



Jade:

So you know?



Angel:

As much as Knox is willing to tell a pregnant woman. But even my prayer was harsh last night.



Jade:

Are congratulations in order or did you lose the baby? Can I tell Jas that?



Angel:

If you think it will help. If we can't set Noah Heedens right, Jas may have to find a new guitarist.



Jade:

I agree. (Jade signed out)

(I closed the windows.)







I checked my in-box and found three emails. I opened the one from Janice first.

Dear Angelica;

I hope that Tara Simms gets what she has coming to her. George said I don't plan on leaving you, but she has been emailing him. Most of the time he doesn't read them though. At least that's what he says. Janice.

Next I opened Chrystal- Rose's email.

Dear Angel,

If I ever find out who TS is, I'll give her a piece of my mind. Christian or not, I am not about to lose Ronny to her.

Your See-ster,

Chrystal- Rose and Little Pod.

Third I opened Kat's email.

Angel,

Something has to be done about Tara Simms. Meet me for coffee, tomorrow at one at Java Cafe. I get off work at noon. Call me if you can't make it!

Kat



When Knox came home, I was busy typing on my next short story for my writer's group on Friday.

He expected to be greeted at the door with a big hug and kiss for being such a good husband. But he heard me humming from the room with the computer. He still reaked from the factory, but he knocked on the door. “What is it?”

“Are you in a better mood? What are you up to in there?”

“Printing the new story. It needs an ending though and an accident is too problematic. Won't Necie

Farchell be surprised on Friday! I told Kat I would meet her for coffee tomorrow.”

I had the draft in a orange manila envelope.

“Knox, what are you doing with my prayer notebook?” He was holding my prayer notebook like it was the Bible. “As your husband, I want permission to read your last prayer back to you.”

“Knox, those prayers are between me and God.”

Knox continued confidently (even a bit cheerfully) “They may be between you and God but can't you see how destructive she's being. I want to come with you when you talk to Kat over coffee. I start the night shift for a week because Drew is on vacation. Drew Miller is someone I work with.”

“Don't you want to rest.”

“I can get a few hours when I get home. It isn't a problem, Angel. I know your writer's group is Friday but what have you been writing? Should I not ask!”

“I put the book on hold to write the short story: Man-stealer. Trust me my friends gave me even more Ammunition and it's my turn to share.”

“Should I call the counselor?”

“It's not necessary. Honey, I just want to take a nap. Would you order in pizza? And breadsticks. And will you make a pitcher of Chrystal Light. And a chocolate cake would be good.”

Knox was jotting a list as I spoke. I yawned. “How long should I let you sleep? Um, we're out of Chrystal light and how big a chocolate cake do you want.”

“Give me two hours. Before you run to the store and pizza place, you might want to take a shower.”

Knox Kent hoped that I would let him see my prayer like I normally do. But right then, what he needed is a shower!



I barely heard the shower go off ; I had been so very exhausted. Knox grabbed my cell phone and he went out to the car to make the call. He looked at the list: no specifics - What if I get the wrong things. He flipped open the phone and searched for the address book. “Honorary sisters- let me see? Didn't she say Chrystal-Rose was one? Look at that area code: she isn't local. Here we go Rachel Givens. I hope she can help me.” Knox dial Rachel's number.

Mrs. Givens answered the phone. “Who is this?”

“Knox Kent: Angelica's husband.”

“Is she ok?”

“Yes I just need some help from Rachel- Her honorary sister.”

“She just walked in. Rachel phone.”

Rachel took the phone from her mother. “Hello?”

“Rachel it's Knox Kent. How well do you know my wife?”

“I know her well enough. Is something wrong with Angel?”

“She gave me a list before her nap. She exhausted herself writing.”

“What can I do for you? How can I help?”

“Can you help me get the right dinner? I don't want to pick up the wrong things.”

“ What did she ask for?”

“ Pizza, Bread-sticks, a pitcher of crystal light, and a chocolate cake.”

“ It may cost less to make the cake ourselves. Can you cook?”

“ Not very well. I tried a little when we were separated. Somethings were undercooked and some were burnt. I did a lot of McDonald's and Chinese.”

“How long do we have?”

“one hour and half now” he said impatiently.

“I'll try but you have to be patient, I am a slow decision maker.”

“Sometimes Angel is too. Where do you live?”

“I am going to the home Adam and I are buying. But I'm a bit frazzled I mean the wedding's coming sooner than I thought it would. Oh and I am sorry but I told my fiancée that you were the bisexual. He will be family soon so I hope you're not mad at me. Tell Angelica, the problem resolved itself. Tara has given up on Adam when she found out he was Jewish. 4012 W. Riverlane, in Mequon- Thiensville. Ring the door bell. I can take a break from getting the house ready.”

“I appreciate any help you can give me.” Knox hung up and started the car.





After dinner I called Jade Canton. Jason Canton answered: “Don't worry I'll work on Noah but they are living together now. She can misdirect him on a daily basis. When I said that I was happily married and a father, she left me alone. I am not about to leave Jade, just because she happens to be another blond.”

“I believe you. Is Jade available to talk?”

“I'll have her call you back in about 45 minutes, we're putting our Toddler to bed. And I wanted to tell Jade that everything's fine.”

When Jade called back, she sounded a little tired. “I've got an hour for you- what's up?”

“I wrote a confrontational prayer, the night Knox said he would call the police if Tara didn't quit. So it has been relatively peaceful here too. Rachel and Adam are doing better. Chrystal-Rose is expecting. Somehow it got to her too. Matthew's best friend George is engaged too. I got messages from Janice - George's fiancée, and Kat. Jason said she was living with Noah. Maybe things will be alright.”

“You still don't know how bad her accusations were, do you?”

“Knox just said it isn't good for the baby.”

“He's probably right. Maybe you should let him see the prayer.”

“But what if he thinks we should fight back, I'm not much of a fighter.”

“One thing at a time. You don't want to lose the baby.”

“Thanks Jade.”

“No problem, I am going to join Jas in bed. You take it easy and take care of that baby.”





Kat was a bit on the quiet side when I showed up for coffee with Knox in tow. He had typed a copy of my prayer from the night he told me what Tara was doing to our marriage; he said he wanted to carry it with him as a reminder of how much I love him. He put the copy in his wallet.

“Most of the time you're the last to think of retribution Angel. But I know you're not a fighter.”

I had the unfinished story: Man Stealer with me in case Kat wouldn't talk with Knox there. Kat shifted nervously two letters in her hand. One smelled like perfume.

“Go Order for us, honey!” I said.

“What can you drink?” He asked.

“Get a steamer with Irish Cream flavoring. You know what I wish I could get?”

“Yeah I know” he paused studying my face.

“Knox, please go get our drinks.”

Kat stirred her American Latte. “Not getting coffee? That's ok. Why did you bring Knox?”

“The problem was bigger than you know.” I passed her the envelop with Man-Stealer in it. “Take a look at my newest short story. Remember it isn't finished.”

She was almost done reading when Knox arrived with our drinks: He went with the sports coffee.

“Angel, where's the ending? What happens to June? With this much controversy, you need a great ending. Can't they put her in the hospital or something?” Kat looked up to see Knox

quietly observing. I sipped my steamer. “It's not just a story, is it?”

“Not only was Tara messing with Knox's mind but the men in my other friends' marriages and couples too. Rachel, Jade, Chrystal-Rose, Janice, and me as well as you. Three married women, two engaged ones, One mother, and two expectant mothers. What did you bring with you?” I responded.

I read the perfumed letter she sent Dennis. She had the audacity to suggest I would leave my husband for you. I love my husband, Angel. You love Knox. Where does she get this garbage?” Kat replied handing me the letter.

When I started turning pale, Knox snatched the letter from my hand and read it. I put my head in my hands. As he gave Kat the letter back, he gently rubbed my back. “Sounds like Tara's at it again.” Knox said softly. You see, he didn't want to set me off.

He studied Kat's face; there were dark circles under her eyes. Kat emphasized, “ I personally don't believe her but I don't know about Dennis. We just lost a baby: I miscarried. I don't know how much more we can take.” I looked up. She continued, “Dennis, left this one for me this morning.”

She handed it to me. “Do you need something for your face? I got tissues.”

“Thanks Kat.” In my other hand, she placed two tissues. I used them both.

Knox unfolded the letter.





Dear Kat,

It's not you. I believe you. I need a weekend by myself to think. She had awful timing. I'm sorry. I'll check into a motel for the weekend. Don't worry; I am not going to see her. I'll check in Sunday afternoon in case you feel like going to church.

My heart is yours,

Dennis





Knox whispered in my ear: “This one fine for you to read.” I read it while Kat blew her nose.

“Why can't she just leave us alone. She caused nothing but trouble.” Kat commented

“I know what you mean. But I don't know how to end the story. I am generally not vindictive but what she is doing is destroying my best relationships and challenging our marriage. There has gotta be something I can write.” I muttered.

“Angel, I love you and I am not going anywhere,” Knox whispered softly into my ear.

I let out my breath.

“It's good but I can't see you fighting back. Is she really causing this much trouble?” Kat quarried.

“Yeah, but what can we do?” I ventured. “I think this goes back to high school. After Knox and his friends got back at Geoffrey for going after a younger girl, when he was dating me. Tara said that Victoria was not only screwing Geoffrey but Knox too. I was so upset that I paged Knox. But Edwards assured me it was boggus.”

Knox was quiet.



“Crash and burn. With Lester's cell phone number.” Lester Henning got me two desserts

to cheer me up.

Landon said, “I don't believe her Angelica. Knox is crazy about you.”

Knox call back on Edwards cell.

“What do you mean crash and burn?” he said with an edge in his voice.

“Aren't you sleeping with Victoria? That's why I left Geoffrey Mackinly.”

Knox handed the phone to Edwards, “Talk to her.” Samuel responded.

“I can't. Tara told her a lie to break us up.” Knox said.

“Well if you won't tell her I will.” Edwards said. “Angel, believe me Knox Kent is one of the last faithful guys. You never have to worry about him cheating on you- he loves you.”

“But Victoria confirmed it, I don't know what to believe.”

“Victoria's still mad about snowball. Of course she said it. Vengence Angelica.”

“You sure it isn't true.”

“No Angel, I'm sure.”



Knox didn't think Tara was that cute but she hadn't been at the ten year reunion for my High School graduating class. Noah believed the lies that Tara told him about me. I wanted Jas to kick Noah Heedens out of the band. Knox and I worked extra hard to free Noah from Tara's tentacles and

combat the misinformation Tara gave Noah, reteaching him the basics of good marriages. I told Jas

that Noah might not want to see beyond Tara's lies to the truths. Maybe there was no salvaging the band.



I looked at the Christmas cards I had taped to the wall. As I opened up Priscilla and Samuel's card.

“Just like the two you, we love too much to be apart. But we're still not sure what marriage would do to affect things. How is Angel's pregnancy going?”- Priscilla wrote- “Merry Christmas from the both of us.”

“Knox Kent!” I cried out.

“What?”

“Jade and Jas are the only ones I have told about our luck yet. I don't want to jinx things. How many people did you tell”

“Oh my siblings, Matt, and Edwards. He must have told Priscilla.” he said reading over the card.





Knox and me grew tighter as a unit like in the old times. Our honeymoon years reopened. The stars echoed their course in both of our eyes now. With my cravings I had been gaining weight.

Chrystal-Rose and Ronny had just moved to New Mexico. I heard they had settled in alright.

But even with the book sales and Knox's job, Christmas was going to be tight this year.

We had taken a break from the dance scene with the pregnancy.



Rachel and Adam had a beautiful sunrise Ufruff or pre-wedding blessing. Adam's sister and Rachel's cousin stood up with me in her wedding. It was a good day that one. Rachel had my dress made a little bit looser to take under account the pregnancy. I was only 4 months at the ceremony. Kat and Dennis sent a gift but couldn't make the wedding. Adam asked Solly Givens to be a groomsman. One of his friends from out of state was the Best Man. We didn't always get those breaks often but in the storms, we always did well at weathering them together. That counts for more anyways. Someone told me once: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I would agree.



Two of our anniversaries passed uneventfully. I went into labor the day after the wedding anniversary.

Our beautiful baby was what really saved our marriage. Knox cooed at Layla Annette Kent. Annette had been one of my relatives name whose funeral we attended when we were still dating. Knox chose Layla because of an Eric Clapton song. My pen name Marigold Raye helped the crowds' comments to die down a bit. I produced two poem books after As the Bough Breaks. The first months after we brought Layla home would be the best moments for us. Layla was Knox's girl. She said Daddy before she said mommy. Knox saw that I had hopes that someday the word for me would come first.

“There will be more don't worry.” Knox smiled down at Layla in her crib.



Eventually we started being more social but I was a defensive mother. Emory asked to hold Layla and I gave Knox my- can we trust him to hold Layla- look. Knox asked Emory if he had ever held a baby.

“Once”

“It'll be ok Angel.” I cocked my head.

As Knox put Layla into Emory's arms, I began to relax. Layla started to squirm after the first few minutes. So I picked Layla up and shifting my weight, I did a dance step or two to settle her.



Jas's new bands' name was Phase One. Jade was doing publicity and bookings. There was an afternoon performance in Chicago suburban park that the three of us went to. We took more time in our little unit than time with friends and relatives these days. Chrystal-Rose visited for new years. Children change everything. I had just finished my first children's story. It was originally titled “The Path that Leads You Back.” But once again Knox read my outline and suggested a new title. He said, “You want parents to pick it up, don't you?” It was the first one I had ever written. Tara wasn't a blip on the character list but she claimed to be the squirrel that organized the tri-athalon. Noah wasn't always treating Jas that good these days. I blamed Tara for that. As I began to write, Knox asked “honey why did you have to kill one of the squirrels?” I had done the outline during my pregnancy. Once again Knox picked up my outline, suggesting an alternative title: Pete, the gray squirrel.



For years when we danced at home, Layla grew up from an infant to a kindergärtner. Layla's terrible twos set in when she was halfway to three and lasted until she was almost four. She kept praying for a sibling. The neighbor had two boys and one girl. The daughter use to babysit for her brothers and Layla when we needed a break on an anniversary. Daniel Louis Kent was born when Layla was five. Finally mommy came first. They were both a handful so we decided to stop at two children.



Layla was so taken with Daniel that she asked: “Daddy, where do babies come from?” Knox put Layla on his knee as I fed Daniel his bottle. “When mommies and daddies want kids, they pray to God and it just happens.” Knox replied.

“How come when I prayed for a brother or a sister, it took so long?” Layla continued.

“Because it wasn't in God's timing yet Layla.” I added. Layla seemed to be thinking about what to ask next. I put the burp-cloth on my shoulder as I shifted Daniel from cradle position to my shoulder. “Why can't I sleep in the same room as you if God is the reason for kids?”

“You do when you have a nightmare.” Knox Kent said quietly.

“Mommies and daddies have their own room to sleep in so we get to spend some time together on our own.” I responded. Layla's gears were turning as I fed Daniel the rest of his bottle.

“But you already get 3 evenings and a weekend, without me and Daniel.” She challenged back. “Mommies and daddies need more we-time than that. Now that date night is more likely to be family night.” I said.

“Kids change everything Layla. Me and your mommy spent less time together now for the two of us when it was the three of us. And we have even less me & we time for ourselves now.” Knox said, “ It's the same at Priscilla's home. But her first is two.”





































Part Seven: Love Remains and tragedy strikes



Before we knew it Layla was in college and Daniel was a senior in high school.

He reminded us so much about how Knox was at that age. Daniel was late for dinner

and then I got up to the sound of the door bell .

“There's been an accident.” The officer said. “Daniel is at the hospital in critical condition. He isn't expected to survive surgery.”

I started to cry. My little boy was dieing. When Layla heard me cry, turned off the background music she played to help her study because she came home for the weekend. At first she thought she was hearing things. It was rare for me to cry after my children were born.

“Which hospital?” I asked.

“Community Memorial.” the officer added. I was told by my husband's friends that Knox's face tightened up during my call on his guys night out. We didn't expect this.

We were a mess at the funeral. I asked for the flowers but over the next year I couldn't bring myself to clean out Daniel's things. Layla moved them to storage with her dad's help, yet the whole family was hurting. Daniel had been so loving and had just had a few bad influences at 18 years old.

Eventually I realized the love remained even if he was where we eventually would be someday.

Knox and me were never quite the same. Layla graduated with honors.

After she got her degree she got a job in Minnesota. I couldn't write for a while after our son's death. But everyone had been so consoling.



Compassion from the living pulled us through it this time.

I am so proud that our marriage was strong enough now to survive this loss.

Kat's miscarriage nearly broke up her marriage. But Rachel and I

talked to him and things worked themselves out. George and Janice took us out for drinks.

It was Matt's idea but we started to get to know them too.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! I hope that doesn't prove to be false.

And that now the house is so quiet except when the phone rings. We hang out with family and friends. Sometimes I get distracted easily and become unfocused. Uncle Richard said “in time the mourning will pass and your energy will double itself.” I hope he's right.

Knox holds my emotionally crippled body and says things with work themselves out.

I want to believe that now more thankfully than anything else, but we needed a little bit of help to let go. And someday I'll be able to go through the storage unit and Daniel's things. Chrystal-Rose in her wisdom sent a letter after Daniel died.



In the package was a Mourning CD and a Christian Music Mix: For Better Days 3. Knox emailed to remind her about the fourth of July.

Jade said “these things take time.” Knox pulled out our memory box from the our past memories and added Daniel's senior picture to it. He placed it back on the shelf in our closet

“You're not ready to see his last portrait, are you?

“No” I sniffled “But we should wait until Layla, Chrystal-Rose, and Matthew are here for the fourth of July.”

“Ok Angel. Maybe I can get Rachel to hold the party at her place this year.”

“We could have a cook out here” Layla said when Knox talked it over with her.



Chrystal-Rose got Daniel first lunch-box out of storage (emptied it out) and suggested we use it to memorialize Daniel and his life. “It may help Angelica let go of him. Then while the sun is setting we will bury the time capsule in the memorial garden (or flower bed).” Chrystal-Rose suggested. The mourning process was especially difficult for my parents but that fourth of July was the first glimpse of healing we all noticed.



It time to go on now and be grateful for the things that are left in our lives as well as

the people who are sharing our journey. For those who think, life is a tragedy,

but for those who feel, life is a blessing and we are so blessed. Even with our loss.





































Part Eight: Peaceful sleep



Even in our old age, we were still the other half of each other. Able to finish each others'

sentences and Knox was quick in mind still a couple steps ahead of me. I told him I didn't

know what I'd do without him if he should go first. He use to joke “I'll be getting heaven

ready for you.” I didn't want to think about life without him. My face would remain between

a smile and a frown as worry lines creasing my forehead.

He would whisper, “Didn't you say in Developmental Psychology you learned that women tend to outlive men anyway?”

I shrugged. “I still don't want to lose you.” I should have seen it coming when Knox got pneumonia. His brother Christopher had died last month. He had always joked that being the older twin he would probably die first. It wasn't so funny after he died.

I took Knox to Community Memorial Hospital because he was pale and he complained of chills

when I had the thermostat set for 85 degrees. They gave him a corner room. Only family was

allowed to visit. But I added Rachel's name to the list.



His color was returning a little by the time Layla got there with the youngest grandchild.

I had been asleep in the chair by the side of the bed. Matthew Smithton had driven her

but Layla's husband would be there tomorrow. Matthew was a confirmed bachelor.

Career had been a bigger focus in his life with his film profession.

He told me once, “Sis, even you and Knox split for a year. Layla isn't married yet. Besides I am not sure I'm cut out for marriage. It's just not that big a deal to me.”



By now Ian, Layla first child, was all grown up, and his sister was 7 years younger.

Ian was presently 26. He had been her most creative child. He went to college to improve his acting skills. He had been preforming on Broadway for 4 years.

Ruby his sister had been doing a job in a factory to give her time to find herself. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do at 19 years old.

But now , Layla youngest was about 15 and Matthew asked the nurse for three more chairs because there were already two in the room. He was thinking of Benjamin Kampt. Knox felt the new man, Knox's nickname for Ben, was more promising than Ian's father had been.

It reminded me of when Emory Clay had asked to hold Layla when she was still a newborn. I was wary but Knox insisted. Ben Kampt made me a little nervous but nothing like Ian's father had.

Knox had to insist I give Bradley a real chance with our only daughter.



Knox's friends had come by. Edwards had insisted loudly “Angel knows we are like family.” At the nurse's station. Emory over heard me crying, elbowing Edwards.

“I'll get Angelica Kent.” the Nurse said.

Alec was calmer thankfully than I had ever seen him in the past. Priscilla's makeup was running.

She started to cry when she heard me. They took a seat in the waiting room. Kat eyed them

curiously. Rachel and Eli were there too. When they saw my taunt face and teary eyes. Kat text- Angelica's here (To her husband's cell). Kat never had children.

She said, “we had always meant to make time but I really didn't want to slow down.”

But the truth is the miscarriage had been hard on her. She said thankfully that she never would have to bury a teenager like Angel and Knox had. Rachel told me. Kat said she didn't mean it to sound as callous as it did. Priscilla's face fell into her hands at the look of my face.

“Well?” asked Edwards. He had been the second friend of Knox's I had text with Knox's phone.

“Not Yet.” I said.

As I spoke Priscilla raised her head searching her purse for her makeup kit. And tissues. Priscilla had ended up with Christopher Kent; they had children in their mid to late thirties. Edwards had a string of live in girlfriends after Priscilla left him. Emory had introduced her to Christopher Kent at one of our parties.

Priscilla muttered under her breath,”Does she have to cry! Angel, I am going to redo my face. I look like a mess.” She headed for a bathroom.

Kat said, “ Send Eli and one of Knox's pals for coffee at the machine.” Ely was more on the shy side. “I'll go,” Rachel said.

Emory whispered “Married?” to Samuel. Samuel gave Emory a disgusted look.

“Married” I responded.



All our friends stayed in the waiting room that night. But in the morning, when I returned to see who was still there, Kat, Eli, Priscilla, and Edwards had already left. Rachel had woke me because Alec was starting to get short.

Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I headed out to the waiting room in time to see Alec pacing.

“I wanted to give Knox this myself.” he responded holding out a “get well” card signed by all the friends that had come.

“Angel we all care.” Emory said tiredly. “And hope he gets better.”

I nodded “I hope he does. But this might be the end.”

Alec hand me the card, “Be sure to tell him we all were here.”



The funeral was well attended. Just after Thanksgiving. I was a mess. Layla, Jade and one of his sisters helped me arrange the event. When I had burst into tears in front of the funeral director, he suggested a closed casket. I nodded. Layla suggested a “period of remembrance” before the funeral.

Layla suggested that his sister do the eulogy at the funeral. Layla suggested using Pastor Caleb,

and Jade suggested Fr. Francis our priest. We got Jade and Jas Canton to join us for mass a few times.

Jas's band was still going strong but this had been his third attempt at it.

Each of the immediate family members of our extended family got a Rose as well as his sisters, and Priscilla as well as their children. I had to fight to get the flowers for Priscilla and her children.

The Kent family was a little sour about them not being married until after the first child was born.



I remembered Knox's final message before his eyes shut for good. “I'll always love you. It doesn't mean your life is over. Thankfully there is still life after I die. Don't forget your friends and there's always family. Even if you don't remarry, there are still supportive people in your life. Remember Emory, Samuel, Alec, and Priscilla at Christmas time. They'll appreciate the thoughtfulness you know.”

“Yes Honey, I'll remember” as I said those words his eyes closed. “Knox, Knox” I cried out when he didn't respond. I threw my weeping torso over his.

Layla, Ben,Ian and his two siblings had left the room when Knox said “I need to speak to Angel alone.”



Matthew hesitated but responded – “I'll be right outside the door.” My honorary sisters were in the waiting room at the time. One of Knox's sisters had refused to leave the room. But in a weakened state he poked her in the side, like he used to do when they were children.

“Give me some time with my wife.” She agreed holding back tears.

Layla, Ben and their children as well as their other paternal aunts joined my sisters,

and our friends in the waiting room. It was full: standing room only when Adam and Jade arrived. Matthew saw one of Knox's sisters starting to cry in the hallway; so he handed her a handkerchief he keep around since Daniel's death when he sat with Layla. He offered it to Corissa now as they waited for my cry of tears as Knox Kent drew his last breath.



The Christmas card I treasured the most that year came from Fr. Francis.

The front had Rejoice in big bubble letters.

And on the inside – Sorrow isn't Forever ; CHRISTMAS IS!

My prayers are with you and your family this Christmas. Fr. Francis.

George, Janice, and Matt helped me set up the Christmas decorations. This was my hardest Christmas. Layla, Ben, Ian, Ruby, and their youngest came for Christmas Day.

Layla and Ben provided take out for Christmas dinner, Ian provided wine and wine coolers

Ruby brought dessert from a pastry shop, , and their youngest brought a 12 pack of Spreecher Root beer and a 24 pack of A&W cream soda. Their grandfather would have loved that. We normally had a party at New Years for our friends. Ronny and Chrystal-Rose would be in around that time.

She said “We're coming even if you are not ready for a party.”

I was as good as my word about the cards this year. But everything seemed harder without him there. Rachel had told me to give it time.

All our family and friends sent cookies. I didn't need to bake them this year.



My honorary see-ster and her husband Ronny stayed with me for three weeks. Christmas vacation and Chrystal-Rose took a extra week of vacation days. Presently she was teaching 2 classes; she always said it was her way of giving back in her retirement years. She was teaching at a community college extremely part-time. The vice principal talked with the administration and agreed to start her class later than usual; because Chrystal- Rose said “My sister wrote that book in your hand and her husband just died. She needs me an extra 6 days. I will write a whole new lesson plan.” Her co-workers were understanding because they understood the role of family. The vice principal said, “Anything that helps out Marigold Raye.”



After new years, Ronny returned to New Mexico ahead of his wife because Chrystal-Rose compromised and said, “ I can handle Angelica for the rest of the time; I understand if you want to return early.”



By January 8th Ronny flew back to New Mexico ahead of Chrystal- Rose. During the second week in January, We had gone out for coffee, which was a big step for me. Everyplace we went, that last two weeks she was in town, reminded me of Knox Kent (whether it was a park, coffee shop, or the grocery store). Chrystal-Rose was looking through the books on our shelves (some of which I had written over the years). And pulled out, “Love and Marriage” by Marigold Raye, reminding me of the poem “Love Grows”.

And I thought to myself “It sure did.”





















Part Nine: A writer must write.



Love and Marriage was written as poems about my married years and the birth of my first child.

The book began with a poem I called Love List One upon Knox's insistence.

It was the copy of a forwarded message I sent Jade and Jas Canton's email before I started

writing the book. And the last poem was called Our Miracles about what the locket and

our decision to have children meant to us as a unit My second book was the favorite of all

of the poem books I wrote in our lifetime together. It was the book that Knox always

wanted me to write but one more time, people were suggesting I write a book. My working title is

Souls in the sky: death isn't the end. I began the outline and idea maps with the help of

Layla, Chrystal-Rose, Kat, Rachel, Jade, Priscilla, and Corissa.



By April, I had begun the last book I planned to write: Eulogies, Love lists,

Pride lists done over time, Poems about the afterlife, and a personal essay on death and dying.

I died doing revisions so Chrystal- Rose's daughter who continued the legacy of creativity in our family published it. She became an editor for a big publishing house in Phoenix, Arizona. She didn't change the message but improved the spelling and mechanical issues to publish it mostly as is.



The book: Souls in the sky: had one more eulogy in the form of an introduction written by the next generation of which she was a part. The introduction was titled “In the name of Marigold”

and as an author after releases were signed: “the middle generation” was used, which consisted of

Layla and Ben Kampt, Ely and Hannah Wilkerman, Jade and Jas's children, Chrystal Rose and

Ronny's daughter, Priscilla and Christopher's children, and Corissa's son.



As a dedication Jade's younger son Paul included the refrain of the song

“If Everybody cared” by Nickleback which was considered an oldie

at the time the book came out.