Dark tears of love and death

Well what is wrong with me.
I keep asking this.
Everyone wants love.
Is there really anything up and above?
Am i just a freak or that repulsive?
Tears swell in the eyes.

Well maybe i do not know.
I thought i was just average.
I really never sleep anymore.
Up late and trying to figure life out.
What is it about?
Tears seap down the check.

I used to dream of a happy life.
Now it is dark and lonely.
In my mind just quit.
End this life , Start a new chapter.
Living each day on the edge of a knife.
Tears fall onto the floor.

Hanging, jumping, shooting, or just cut myself.
I have tried but think it is a cowardly way.
Face life take it as it comes.
Drink and wash life away.
Tommorow huanting me of what else will happen.
Hollow tears ripping deep from my soul

It is usely something nasty.
Can i carry on ?
Why whats wrong with me.
Solitude and the dark .
Cold reminders of my life.
Tears rolling down burning bad.

I could end it here right now as you read.
But writing my only salvation.
Love i know will pull me out.
Bring an end to all dark thoughts.
But whats wrong with me?
Tears heavy like stones .

Never wanting to look back.
I have enough reminders.
People looking at you.
Asking whats wrong with him?
If i new i would tell them.
But on the table a half smoked cigarette and a tears stained letter.

Is it so hard to find someone to believe in you?
Is it so hard to find someone to be in love with?
All i can say it is hard to live on like this.
But i do, and it scares me.
And the last tears fall as i have cried all the way through life.