A Girl Called Jane

Jane told me today that we're through. I don't believe her. She's told me so many times before, she'll want to break up, she'll go out with some other guy, and he'll hurt her somehow. No matter what happens, or who it was, she always comes running back to me. And I let her. I comfort her and tell her that it's all gonna be okay, because I know that once she's healed, she'll be mine again. I ignored her and told her I would meet her later today, but now I'm here, and she's not, and I don't know what to do this time to get her back. I'll just wait...

Three weeks have gone by and I haven't even seen her at school. She's either gotten very good at avoiding me, or she's not there. I need to talk to her, to find out what's going on, why she doesn't want to be with me anymore. It can't be because there's someone else, or I would have heard something. I can't wait anymore. I will go to her house to find her, because there's nowhere else that we can talk alone.

Her mom lets me in the house. She looks so much more tired than usual, like she hasn't slept in the three weeks since I last saw her. She tells me that Jane is living with her dad now, that she was having problems here, that she just couldn't go on living here any longer. She gives me Jane's diary, says maybe it will help explain things, tells me I should go home now. Her eyes are telling me she's sorry, but she pushes me out the door anyway.

I don't want to read the diary, but I know I have to. It is filled with words of agony and despair, of all the hurt that Jane has been through. All the guys who have nearly killed her every time they left. I'm mentioned, but only as a good friend, someone to tell secrets to, someone to fight with, not someone to love. She has no love for me. There is no love anywhere. I can't read anymore. I have to destroy the diary. That's the only way my mind will break away from the things I have seen. As the pages burn, I look away. It's as if I'm burning Jane with it, and in doing that, I am dying inside. I wish she was back here with me, but all I can do for now, as much as it might hurt, is wait. I'll just wait.