Michaelson's "Regret"

         My slow endless death.
          I deserve this punishment. I deserve everything that comes with it. Why did I do it? Everyday I regret what I’ve done. But fate is cruel to me and surely wants me to feel it's hell. From what I’m experiencing; Fate has got it’s wish.
         Lying on my stomach. Managing to write using a pencil, pieces of paper and a dim pint-size flashlight; that a fellow convict had smuggled in for me. It was “light’s out”; hours ago but I can not sleep for I am tormented by a demon. As I look about this ‘dungeon’. This small confined prison cell and it’s pails, that they call a toilet and a sink. I began to wonder how and why could I have done such a thing. How I could bring these pale working hands to bring death to something so beautiful.
         I’m not an evil man; with intentions to wrong do. I’m just a man who has done a very terrible thing. A thing I regret ever doing and would never let myself forget; for I am to blame. Tormented for the rest of my life and maybe; even beyond. I truly apologise to whom I’ve hurt but I know I am not forgiven for my crime. I would never be forgiven.
         Please let me have a moment to express and introduce myself. I  want to take the time to introduce you to Adrian Michaelson; the human, not Adrian Michaelson the monster. I’m going to  try redeem myself to whomever reads these pieces of paper, for they can decide for themselves if I’m truly a monster or not. Please let me begin.
         Almost a year ago; when I was twenty-eight years old. I owned my own small successful business. I moved to Canada from Britain as soon as I earned my degree from university. Went for citizenship soon after I arrived and found a beautiful place to take up residency.
         With my British accent, my clean appearance, my career or my plain ol’ charm. I’ve got myself a good reputation. I had plenty of friends, a beautiful black Mustang, two homes; to take up residency in. I had everything that I always wanted.
         Until I saw her.
         Beautiful. Her beauty captivated my soul as soon as I laid my blue eyes on her. She was a short individual; around five foot. She had a fair complexion. I looked completely pale towards her skin. Her beautiful long black hair was pulled back into two pigtails; I looked at my blond hair and thought to myself if she would be even interested in someone like me. She seemed like a meek individual because when she walked out of the old brick building that I’ve known was a high school. Her eyes were to the ground. Never spoke to the other students that stood around having a cigarette. I’ve never seen her eyes but I knew that her eyesight was helped by glasses.  I fell in love with her at first sight.
         I knew from the start that she was young. How young? I didn’t know at the time. I knew she was a high school student but that’s all I knew about her. And I was enchanted by her. I know people my age would snub it off because she was still in high school but for me,  I started to take that route home more often. Hoping I'll catch a glimpse of her once more.
         One cloudy day, I  decided to park outside her school; to try get her attention and get to know her. When the last bell rang  for the day. My heart started to bang against my chest frantically. I started to get cold feet but I cleared my throat and took some deep breaths for encouragement. When she came walking out of the school with her eyes to the ground. My stomach started to jump about. When she walked in my direction, I just stood there and waited for her to walk in front of me. I called out to her. She just glimpsed at me and continued to walk.  So, I called once more. But she just ignored me. She was walking further away from me. I started my car and drove after her.
         "Hey!" I called out as I slowly drove beside her.
         She pulled down her hood as she came to a halt.
         "What do you want?" she sort of yelled at me.
         " I just want to talk to you, if that is okay?" I said softy.
         "Do you think I am a damn hooker? If you hadn't noticed and your eyes aren't deceiving you. I am just walking home from school!" she said, boldly but assuring.
         "I never indicated that you were a ... hooker, I just simply wanted to talk to you!"
         "What are then, some kind of cop? I don't leave my house often to break any sort of law!"
         "No, I am not the police or anything like that. Is it a crime to talk to someone?"
         "In this territory, yes, it kinda is!"
         I drove up ahead and parked my car , I got out and waited for her.
         ''Now, what do you think you're doing?"  she said.
         I crossed the street to go and talk to her.
         "Can I please speak with you?" I asked again
         "Please, you are creeping me out! Leave me alone!" she said.
         Her voice; started to shake like she was getting scared.
         "Please, my pretty little friend!"
         She had that scared look upon her face.
         I went up to her to try to embrace her hand with my own, but that was the dumbest thing to do. In a one quick blur; she hit me in the nose. I seen a bright flash and slowly the pain crept in my head. My nose was gushing blood. A self defence strike. Luckily, she just pushed my nose in and didn't break it. I fell to my knees, holding my nose, whimpering in my pain.
         "Oh my gosh! I’m sorry. I didn‘t mean to hit that hard" She said quickly with sympathy and shock.
         I seen that she had pity for me. She extended out her hand to help me up to my feet. I reached for it; making her hand get covered with my blood.
         "I'm sorry. I don’t usually do anything like that, but you were intimidating me. I had no choice!"
         "That's alright, I understand. It was more my fault anyhow!" I said, holding in my nose.
         "Oh I apologize! I really didn’t mean to hit you that hard! Please, let me clean you up?'' she said
         "No! That won‘t be necessary, I‘ve got it under control!" I said,  pulling out a white handkerchief and putting it up to my nose.
         "No please! Let me! It was my fault anyway!" she reached inside her front  pocket and pulled out a piece of tissue out of her sweater.
         "Here!" she handed me the tissue. I gently grabbed it from her soft cold hands.
         "Thank you!" I said, my voice sounding plugged by squeezing my nostrils together.
         I grabbed it and put it to my nose.
         Almost fifteen minutes passed, when my nose finally stopped bleeding. I was looking down at her.
         "I apologise. I shouldn‘t have struck you like that. You can press charges against me if you want too!" she said with a worried look on her beautiful face.
         “No no. That won’t be necessary. It was more my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to grab your hand like that!” I apologized as well.
         “Okay… May I ask what your name is then?” She asked.
         "Adrian. Adrian Michaelson! May I ask you your name?”
         "Samara. Samara Orange-Leaf" she said with a very angelic smile.
         She shook my hand, even though my blood stained her hand from when she helped me to my feet earlier. She smiled a very warm, friendly smile. I couldn't help it but smile back. Though my nose was red and my face and the collar of my white shirt was stained with blood.
         That was how we met each other and that was the beginning of our dynasty. Adrian and Samara’s dynasty.
         Couple weeks has passed. I got to know her. Everyday I pick her up from home; drove her to school. Picked her up from school and took her home. Then, the day came when I actually wanted to know her age. She laughed at me at first, smiled, and said;
         "A guy with common sense would have asked that as soon as we started speaking to each other!"
                   I smiled at her response. For what she had just said did make sense to me. I didn't ask for her age when we started speaking to each other. I let the question slip my mind when I first met her but then again, age didn't matter to me when I first met her. I knew from the start she was going to be my one and only.
         "The question never crossed my mind at that time. I was happy that you were actually speaking to me after kicking my ass. Plus I was enchanted by you!" I said to her.
         Samara smiled.
         "Okay… You don't care if you’re sent to prison because of me?"
         "I would rather go to prison than to be without you. I love your companionship, my Dear! " I said, gazing into her big brown eyes.
         She smiled at me. It seemed like her eyes began to twinkle. Still smiling, she looked at her hands; then said;
         "Adrian, you’re weird, but that is why you're cool! You know how to make someone feel like a somebody!"
         "I just want you to be happy! Everyone that is as beautiful as you should be happy" I said, reaching for her hand.
         "You DO know how old I am, right?" she asked.
         "How old?" I finally asked her.
         "Sixteen!" she answered.
         That number rang in my head so loudly. She was so young but when I looked at her beautiful face, I let her age not bother me. I smiled.
         “It doesn’t matter to me Samara. I love you a little too much for your age to bother me!”
         She smiled at me. Suddenly she knelt close and kissed me; softly on the lips. I was taken by surprise but her sweet tasting lip gloss; lingered on my lips. I knelt close to her and kissed her back.
         Maybe now, I should warn you. It was just one simple kiss from a young lady that got me to love her more. Not like age mattered to me at the time either. From the start all I knew was that she was going be only mine.
         People are curious, if me and her shagged? No. I respected her wishes to wait until she was married and it made me love her more because every woman I had been with. Just flung themselves on me with their legs wide open just for the taking. I was disgusted because some woman have no respect for themselves.
         Months had passed. Samara and I were dating or ‘hooked up’ in her terms. The word ‘boyfriend‘ was such a nice word to hear coming out of her mouth. I just appreciated her phone calls everyday. Her beautiful voice telling me about her day. Everything she did, I looked forward in hearing about it. Until the day she hadn’t called me or when I drove by her school she wasn’t around in sight; it was like she vanished into thin air.
         A whole week went by, without any contact. But I couldn’t bare it anymore. I went her high school. I went to one of her classes. There she was. I asked her teacher if she would be able to come speak to me.
         When she came, I tried to hug her and her kiss her.
         “What do you want Adrian?” She said pushing me away.
         “What’s wrong Sam?” I said quite concerned, for the tone in her voice was harsh.
         “It’s that… I can’t talk to you or be seen with you or else my parents are going to charge you with sagatory rape!”
         Sad and angered. I said,
         “What? Is that why I didn’t hear from you for a week?”
         Samara’s eyes went sad but she didn‘t say anything. I embraced her in my arms.
         “They warned the teachers to be aware of you! So, you should leave quickly!” She said, pushing me away.
         “Could you meet me downtown at seven? Would that be okay?” I asked, she looked at me kind of funny.
         “I can‘t leave the house!”
         “Just say that you’re going out shopping…maybe meet me at the library downtown!” I said as quickly as I could.
         “How am I sup-…!” Samara’s teacher came out of the classroom to get her.
         “Just come into the library. I’ll find you!” I quickly said and leaped down the stairs, heading to the exit.
         When seven rolled around. I was standing against the railing on the second level of the library; hoping to see the sight of her. As I peered straight down, I seen a woman; though I just seen the top of her head, she looked exactly like Samara; with her long black hair.
         “Samara Orange-Leaf?” I shouted but quickly fell silent.                                                                 
                She didn’t even looked around. She just went sat at the computers. She was a woman in her mid-thirties. Forty five minutes passed. I was upset and heartbroken. I left the library; with all this anger building up inside me.
         A week had passed slowly. I couldn’t figure out what to do with myself. Call me insane if you will but I just couldn’t live life without her presence. Day after day. Hour after hour. I wrote her name on a piece of paper, writing her address and phone number under it. Sulking in anger and heartbreak. I couldn’t take it anymore.
         I sprang from my desk chair in my office at home. I quickly headed to the washroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Face was getting a beard, eyes were getting dark circles. My face was looking grotesque. I jumped in the shower.
         After my twenty minute shower. I stood in front of my mirror, shaving my beard in a towel around my waist. After that  was finished. I grabbed the body spray and underarm deodorant; that Samara had picked for me. Applied it to my body. Smelling all nice. I went to my bed chambers and went to search for some clothes.
         I found clothing that fit my mood at that moment. I wore one of my business suits; my black suit with a red pin-stripes.
         When I was dressed up. I looked at myself in my stand-up mirror that stood in the corner of my room. I’ve never really worn this ensemble before because it looked like something someone would wear to a funeral but I didn’t care. Nothing mattered to me anymore. To add finishing touches to my attire; I reached for my tight-fitting black leather gloves and slipped them onto my hands.
         “I should pay my girlfriend a visit!” I spoken out loud to myself. I knew I was starting to sound like I was losing my mind but I was losing my mind because she wasn’t in my presence.
         After my little psychotic speech to encourage myself. I was on my way to her house in the central part of the city. Just to inform you at this point in time. I wasn’t at work for a whole week. I just told my assistant that I have fell ill and she would have the vice-president of my business to take the responsibility until I get better.
         Back to my story. I was heading to her house. When I got there, I parked my black mustang outside it. I got out of my vehicle and went to her house’s door. I rang the doorbell. Couple minutes passed when Samara finally came to answer the door. She came to the screen door but she didn’t bother opening it.
         “Adrian? Is that you?” She asked.
         “I just came by to visit you. Is that a crime, love?”
         Samara fell silent.
         “Look Samara! I will not accept that we can not be together. I just can not. We belong together. I fell in love with you the first time I laid my eyes on you!”
         “But Adrian! you’re twenty-eight years old. I love you too but I think I am a little too young to be in a relationship such as this one we have going on. I want to be with you, I truly do but since I am only sixteen; I am still under my parents rules until I’m eighteen!”
         “Sam! You are going to be graduating at the end of this school year. Are your parents going to be controlling you still even when you’re in  university?”
         “Adrian! Don’t get upset. They just think that you’re being a pedophile. I know that you’re not a pedophile but that is what my parent’s think!”
         “A pedophile? I’m NOT a bloody pedophile!! I‘m not sick and mental like those monsters! For crying out loud Samara! You’re a teenager, you‘re going to be graduating from high school. We can be together!”
         “Adrian, I don’t think you’re a monster. I love and care about you but you have to wait until I am eighteen because that is the proper age for someone your age to go out with someone like me!” Samara spoke.
         “Are you ending this relationship with me?” I said with sadness in my voice.
         Samara didn’t say a word but I seen her head nod.
         My heart fell into my stomach. I felt like my blood drained from my face. I started to get angry but I felt more sad than angry.
         “No Sam! You are my girl and my girl stays by my side!” I knew I was sounding like I’ve gone mental.
         Without any other hesitation. I punched the screen door. The glass shattered into tiny pieces. I put my hand into the jagged entrance to unlock the screen door. I pulled my hand out and casually opened the door. Samara looked at me with wide eyes.
         “Adrian? What’s wrong with you?” she spoke, as she backed away from me.
         I walked up to her. I knew I was not acting like myself but I still couldn’t stop it. My love for Samara was deep and true. Ending our relationship made me very upset. I felt like my world had come to a halt as soon as I seen her head nod. I looked down at her.
         “How dare you end our relationship! I love you Samara. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you ever! You’re mine and no others!” I spoke
         Samara looked at me scared. I knew she was scared. Her beautiful brown eyes started to tear up. But she didn’t say a single word.
         “Why are you doing this Adrian? I didn’t want you to become this beast of a man. I just wanted to end our relationship for now until I am eighteen” Samara spoke through tears.
         “No Samara! I want to be in a relationship with you now. I love you Samara! Can you not understand that? I do not want to be with anyone other than you!” I said, getting angered.
         Samara sniffled and tears flowed down her face. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her sadness. I had to turn my back to her because she was making me cry as well. I felt this lump come into my throat and my tears started to rim my eyes.
         “Sam! I want you to make a decision, me or your parents? Because I can take you away from this place and we could go live in Britain  together. Where no one would know who we are and wouldn’t give a bloody hell about it!” I said, as soon as I cleared my throat.
         “No Adrian! Don’t tell me to make these decisions! I don’t want to make these decisions! I’ve caused enough trouble on my behalf of making decisions!”
         I turned to look at her. Her once beautiful face was filled with sadness. I touched it softly, caressing her chin. She looked at me; with her eyes staring at me through her glasses. I knelt close to kiss her. When our lips touched, it felt like I started to flutter back to life once more. I felt her hands wrap around my waist, as my hands  softly held her head. Passionately, engaged in a open-mouth kiss. I felt like there was no way that I was going to let Samara leave my presence again.
         Samara pushed me away roughly.
         “Don’t! I do not want to be in this kind of relationship!”
         I looked at her; my mouth still tasting like her sweet lip gloss. I started to feel that emotion that goes ‘if I don’t have you then no one will’. Then, suddenly everything went blank. I do not know what happened next after I looked at her. All I remember seeing before I went blank was Samara; standing there looking angry at me. Soon, everything started to re-appear. I’ve seen what I have done.
         Samara was sitting on the ground. Crying; holding her hand over her nose and mouth. Her blood was seeping through her fingers; very rapidly. It got on her white muscle shirt as well as the porch floor. I didn’t know what I’ve done and I would never had hurt Samara that way but I have.
         Without further thought, I picked her up from the ground. I held her in my arms as I walked out to my vehicle. When I got there, I opened the passenger door and set her softly down on the seat , buckled her up and closed the door. I went to the driver’s side, opened the door and got in myself. Then, I drove off.
         I arrived at my destination; by the industry places that were on the outskirts of the city. I parked my vehicle in a isolated parking space. I left the engine going because I wanted to listen to music as we spoke. Samara still sat there with her hand over her nose and mouth. Her blood stained her white muscle shirt and sleeping pants; which was purple plaid-checker.
         “I’m so very sorry Sam! I don’t really know how that happened. I blanked out and when I realized what I’ve done, you were on the porch floor!” I said, as I reached to stroke her long ponytail
         “Don’t damn touch me!” She hissed at me.
         I opened the driver’s door and got out, taking off my blazer and tossed it to the back seat. I walked to the passenger side and opened it. I extended my hand. She slowly unbuckled her seatbelt. She looked at me with her blood stained face. Slowly getting out of her seat, not touching my hand.
         As soon as Samara got out and stood in front of me. I embraced her. It didn’t matter if her blood stained my clothing because I was wearing dark colours. I looked down at her. Her big brown eyes stared at me through her glasses.  I knelt close to kiss her gently. She looked away from me. Samara didn’t want to kiss me. Instead she turned her back to me. I felt that sadness once again.
         Silence fell between the both of us. Then, out of no where. Samara turned around so quickly and flung a spinning kick at me. She moved so quickly that she was just a blur. Every punch, every kick that connected to any part of my body hurt. They hurt like stones being flung at me. I’m sure if her palm strike connected with where she was aiming. I’m sure she would have broken my nose and jaw at the same time. I grabbed her left wrist; trying to bring her to a halt. Pulling it the pit of her back but she somehow reversed it and there she flipped me onto my own back. Hitting the ground with such force; knocked me out of wind. I seen at the corner of my eye that she was going to take off and leave me forever. I reached with all my strength for her ankle before she got too far from my grasp. She fell down to one knee with all her might she tried to shake off my hand but she couldn’t shake it off. I heard her whimpering and swearing under her breath because she couldn’t budge my hand off her ankle.
         “Please Samara! Don’t do this?” I pleaded with her.
         “Let go of me Adrian…Let me go!” Samara screamed and kicked.
         I stood up slowly. Though my body ached with pain. I reached for her waist. Quickly and tightly; wrapped my arms around her waist. Just to maintain her. But her moving, her kicking, the swinging of her arms and the scratching at my forearms; just didn’t help me stop being this beast that I was becoming. I couldn’t take my love’s abuse anymore. I just grabbed her by her hair and flung her the ground. Then, this blankness came into affect once again. I knew something terrible was going to happen because the last time I blanked out, I hit Samara in the face. In this blankness, I heard the  words “please”, “stop”, “Don’t”. I didn’t know what to think of it because I had no idea why these words are being spoken. When finally, my blankness started to fade away.
         The first sound that I heard was this eerie, sick and disgusting; gurgling. I looked down at my beloved, Samara. Seeing the blade in my hand. She flipped; side to side. As blood poured out from a gaping wound that was made across her delicate neck. My heart fell into my stomach and this time there was no chance in this lifetime; that my heart was going to go back to my chest. My body started to tremble and I started go weak. I knelt down to hold Samara in my arms. She looked at me with those eyes that spoke ‘What have you done?’. Her blood came out of her mouth. Her brown eyes looked into my own. Then like something out of an horror movie; she stopped breathing; staring at me with lifeless eyes. I held her body tightly.
I went into shock. I stared at her face as if it was nothing but an painting that you just couldn’t touch. Then, it hit me. I’ve killed my love, my Samara.
I started to shake, I knelt close to her face, I started to cry as if my tears would bring her back. I kissed her face gently. I didn’t want to let her body go but I realised I had too. I set her body gently on the concrete.
         Please. Let me clear this up. I had no intention to murder Samara. I loved her too much. It was just anger that brought me to do such a thing because I couldn’t bare not to be by her side. She was everything to me. She was the girl that would have been my wife someday but now, I am the man that murdered the only thing in this world that he loved
         After I gently put her lifeless body on the concrete. I walked to my vehicle. Sat in the driver seat and reached for my cell phone. Pressed 9-1-1 and gave them the location of where we were. After I hung up the phone. I just sat in the seat; looking straight ahead. I let this instrument that took Samara’s life, slide across my wrists; slowly. This pain was nothing compared to what I am going to be feeling all my life. I watched as the blood squirted out. I got out of the vehicle and went lay beside Samara’s body on the concrete. Holding her body tightly.
         Regrets. Such regrets. Why have I done such a thing? Moments ago, I had her in my arms as her heart was beating with life. Now, her body was going cold as her life left it earlier. I embraced her one last time.
         How can such an ending to be such as this? There is no happy ending for me. All I could do now is sulk in my own misery, for I have murdered my beloved, Samara. She was everything to me. She meant the whole world and if she wanted my life she could have had it but instead I took hers. This feeling will haunt me for the rest of my life. Samara with her radiant beauty will be nothing but a reminder that there are beasts in this world; even though these beasts don’t know they are until its too late.
         Sadly. I didn’t realize I was to attend her funeral. But I went because the officers said it was her parents wish. Everyone watched me silently with pure hatred. If there wasn’t police escorts by my side. Samara’s family would have torn me apart. Dismembered and impaled my body parts on the crosswords of her reservation. Tears sprang from my eyes when this elderly man spoken about how she was skipped ahead and was going to graduate at the end of the school’s year. I wanted her family to look and hate. I wanted them to dismember me and impale me because that is what I deserve. I took and murdered their young. Their future. Samara was everything that her family wanted her to be. Ambitious and dreamt of going to Med school in hopes of becoming a doctor and eventually starting a family with the only man that she loved. When they spoke my name. It echoed so loudly in my ears that it made my body tremble. I felt my lip begin to quiver and more tears rimmed and flowed from my eyes. He pointed me out to the crowd of mourners, that I was the one she loved but I was also the instrument of her death. Silence fell upon everyone. I took in all their blasphemous whispers and looks because I deserved it all.
         When everything started to speak once again. I was sitting there looking at my hands when I was approached by a young boy. He looked at me with big hazel eyes. He looked at me and looked at Samara’s white casket that was covered with a green and white star blanket.
         “How come you killed my auntie? Did she do something wrong? Why did you take her away from me? Why? Why did you do it? She was my favourite auntie! Huh? Why? You don‘t need to be here, you‘re not welcomed here in this place where my aunt lays her head to sleep forever!” This young boy yelled at me as tears sprang from his eyes.
         His mother came and got him. He kept saying “why” as his mother tried to console him as she walked him to his seat. I looked at my hands again. I felt my tears come down the cheek. I knew then, that there was not a place in this world that would forgive me. I kept my eyes to the ground.
         About twenty minutes before the police were going to take me away to their dungeons. A man with a dark complexion came up to me. He had anger upon his face but their was a deep sorrow in his eyes. He held back his tears as he gave me a folded piece of paper.
         “Here! This was in my daughter’s room; sitting on her desk. It’s a letter written from her that is addressed to you. I stumbled upon it while I was cleaning out her room! This is the only reason why you were allowed to come and attend her funeral!” He handed me this piece of folded paper.
         After he given it to me; he walked away, never turned to look at me ever again. When I looked at this man that handed me this piece of paper, he looked like Samara but in a darker complexion and male form.
         I held this piece of paper in my hand for another couple minutes until I actually unfolded it to read.
         The letter read;
Dearest Adrian.
         I very deeply apologise for the library incident. My parents grounded me and I really wanted to go see you. I told you I couldn’t leave the house; only to school. I really truly want to be with you. I do not doubt in my mind that we would last forever but that is just me thinking like that. I know that in this relationship that we have we’ve come into a boundary that shouldn’t have been crossed but I am happy that I’ve crossed it because I wouldn’t have known what I was missing. You were so nice to me when no one else was. To you; I was the belle of the ball. I was the centre of your attention. I loved ever minute of it. BUT Adrian! I know that I love you with all my heart as well as you love me with all of yours! I have to point out though, that you intend to scare me at times. I sure hope it isn’t your intention but you do. You seem to get a bit attached to me. I love it and everything but at this point in our little relationship, I prefer that you don’t get too attached because I do not want you to get in trouble because of me.
         Anyways, I just want you to know that in a couple weeks time…I am going to be a certified kick boxer. I am so excited. I hope that you would be able to attend. By the time I graduate at the end of this school year, I sure hope that you would be my escort because I would make all those stupid chicks’ jaws drop because I have a very handsome, nice smelling, rich, British man, holding onto me.  They would be trying to steal you away from me at the after party. Which then, I could just kick the shit out of them because you’re mine and no others. (I’m just kidding…unless you want me to fight for your hot ass?) Carrying on. I hope that after graduation you would want to marry me still because then, I would say yes and have you deflower me, and knock my ass up! (How sick! That sounds too damn raunchy!) But I know you like it! I could just fantasize of how our children would look. Would they look like me? Or look like your sexy else? Would they look like me with blue eyes? Or would they look like you with brown? Personally, I would want them to look like me because I just do. But if they end up looking like you then, how can they tell if they’re mine? I don’t know…I’ll love them anyways as long as you’re the father. (I am just laughing at myself for sounding a little bit crazy!) Carrying on. The other day I was sick; I don’t know why but I was. My mother thought I was pregnant or something and she threatened me that she was getting me on the needle. I just told her “For what?”, she told me that she thought I was “fooling around” with you. I just started laughing because that was the ridiculous thing that she could accuse me of doing. Though I would fool around with you at some point but just not yet. She’s losing faith in her daughter! (Nah, just kidding…she’s just not ready to be a grandparent at the moment)
         Well! I just thought I write to you because since I can not use any other communications, I’ll just use good ol’ fashion yet fun; mail. I know that you like reading…especially my letters. Of coarse I am just assuming that you like to read my letters because I’m pretty sure that you’ll be receiving more if this is how the remainder of this relationship going to be; until I graduate. I love you Adrian. I don’t want this one to end. I know that you don’t want this to end either. I guess, in this relationship you got to have patience. Good ole patience! Well! My love, I should be leaving here. It’s way past my bedtime (smiles) and my father and mother would be furious that I stayed up late…writing to you.
         Before I go Adrian! I don’t want you to hate me for speaking my mind. I know that I am still a teenager and I still have to follow my parents guidelines. Follow them; until I graduate then I hope you would be able to sweep me off my feet and carry me all the way to your homeland. (smiles. That sounds too damn messed up!) Well! I should go before I start babbling nonsense. I hope to hear from you.
Love Always,
Samara Orange-Leaf
         Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn’t stop them. I felt my heart and soul die that day. I had no reason to live anymore. Everything that I ever held dear; I set them free because I don’t deserve them.

         To this day; a year later. I don’t care if I decompose in this confined
‘crawl space’ that they call a prison cell. I am already dead.
         After I’ve written this, I am going to commit suicide to be with my beloved, Samara. I cannot deal with being without her. Her beautiful face forever haunting me in a photograph and that I cannot bare