Nightmares Chap 4

         Chap 4

         It was suddenly bright in the room, someone still shook my shoulder wildly. Someone said my name. I jerked awake, meeting two pairs of  green eyes starring down on me. One pair was nervous, Dan I knew. He seemed to get the overprotecting stuff from Julie, and one pair glowing with anger. Why was he angry? I didn't get time to reflect over the situation before Juliana tugged on my arm urgently and shoved me towards the front door.
         “Keily. Outside. Now!” she demanded. Was there a hint of desperation in her voice? And what was that smell? Was something burning? Oh no! What had I done?
         I stumbled out onto the small porch, shaking but not from the cold. I didn't even feel it. I hardly ever did. I sank down against the wall, leaning my forehead against my drawn up knees, trying to get a hold of the racing thoughts in my head. What had happened? I'd fallen asleep and I'd had another nightmare. That much I knew. But what was that smell? Had I hurt someone? Had I hurt Julie? My throat clamped shut and it was suddenly very hard to breathe. It felt like I was trying to breathe through a straw. Tears gathered in my eyes, threatening to spill over if I continued to dread the multiple possibilities. I heard someone come out the door and I could feel the person standing beside me, starring down at me. At this moment I didn't care who it was, I had to ask. I needed to know.
         “Did I hurt someone?” I croaked, my voice barely a whisper and thick from my clamped up throat. I was surprised to hear Finns voice answer my question.
         “No,” he said simply. “But you almost set the sofa on fire.” I could hear a hint of laughter in his voice as he said it. I didn't see the funny part in it at all. Julie loved that sofa. I knew how hard she'd worked to save up enough money to buy it. She hadn't wanted for Dan to buy it for her, sprinkled with money as he was. As they all were... It was her favorite piece of furniture in the entire house. I groaned into my knees.
         I heard the soft rustle of clothing against the wall and dimly noticed how Finn slid down to sit next to me, on a safe distance of course. I highly doubted he would stoop so low in his druidian pride as to huddle next to a mage for warmth. Instead I heard his teeth clatter slightly from the cold. He hadn't put a jacket on? Idiot, I remarked in my head. We sat silent for a while, listening to Julie and Daniel rummaging around in the living room. They had opened a window, to get the smell out I figured, and it made it easy to overhear their conversation.
         “Perhaps you should consider her going back to that asylum, sweetie. She's obviously not stable enough to be around people yet.”
         So Dan already condemns me to hell, is that it? I thought wryly. He's just like the rest of them.
         “How can you say that?! She doesn't mean for these things to happen!” Julie defended me with much heat in her voice. “They just kind of happen, you know.” she continued in a lower voice but I could hear it was full of sadness.
         “That's the thing. I know she doesn't mean anything with it, but she could really hurt someone in the process. She could hurt you! I wouldn't be able to live with that.” He was concerned for her. I wasn't surprised, they being engaged and all, but still. He wanted me to go back to that hell hole? Fat chance! They would have to drag me back under heavy sedation and in a straight-jacket if I were ever to go back there again. Back to where everyone avoided me like I had the plague. I didn't want to listen to their conversation anymore and tried to shut out their voices. It worked fairly well. It worked even better when Finn suddenly decided to get to the bottom of the whole event.
         “Why does things like that happen exactly?” he wondered. He tried to make it sound like he didn't care but I could bet my powers on that I heard either curiosity or concern in his voice. It was probably curiosity. Why would he be concerned for me?
         “Things? What things?” I wanted to drag out the conversation, making sure I didn't hear anything else of the couples continued conversation inside, I knew very well what he was asking about. Someone would have to be dense not to know.
         “Don't give me that innocent crap. You know what I mean.” Irritation, of course.
         “Don't worry your thick beast skull with it, or it might just fall off.” I grumbled. Somehow, starting up a fight felt really good right now. Had I listened to my subconscious, I wouldn't have riled him on. I very well knew the warning signs at this point in my life. But it was like a drug to me. A craving that needed to be quenched.
         Finn gave a loud snort. “Worry? About someone like you? Give me a break! I was merely hoping to get to know what I can do to hopefully make you self combust so I get rid of you. Don't flatter yourself, witch.”
         “Right.” That was all I said, and I noticed that he grew more and more irritated by the moment, to my big amusement.
         “Just give me a fucking answer, kid!”
         I dragged it out a little longer, not sure if I really wanted to tell him about it. Why would I anyway? The only ones I'd told about the nightmares was Julie and my therapist back at Pine Peak. But something tugged on me and before I could specify why I would or wouldn't tell, I had already blurted out the whispered answer.
         Nightmares.
         He was quiet for a short while, contemplating my answer. “What are they about?” He was equally quiet.
         “It... It's... It's nothing, OK? I don't feel like talking about it.” I murmured. “Especially not to you.” I knew I sounded rude, but that was also the point. For some reason it felt like I really needed to blow of some steam and who was a better recipient than the one stupid druid I hated the most? And the idiot gobbled down the bait like a starving dog.
         “You know what!? Just forget it! I don't give a shit, alright!? You're such a fucking bitch! I really hope you do go up in flames and die!” He had jumped to his feet and was now standing over me, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Wow, he really had taken it hard, hadn't he? His behavior was a little childish though. I mentally slapped myself at the thought. He's only being childish because I dragged him to it.
         I hummed, thinking up a good response. “You know, If you really feel so upset about that little thing, I could easily put you out of you misery, doggie-boy.” I glanced up at him, waiting for his reaction. At first I didn't think he would do anything, but then he growled deeply in his throat.
         “Get up here and say that to my face.”
         I suppressed a smile and rose slowly in one fluid motion, forcing myself to keep my voice low so we wouldn't attract any attention from Dan and Julie. “Say what? That I'll kill you, or that fact that I called you Doggie?” My eyes narrowed as an anticipating grin spread on my face.
         I didn't stop grinning. I saw his face grow black with fury and then felt a sudden pang of pain on my face. My grin didn't falter, to his great aggravation. Instead it grew to a laughter. Finally! Finally I could get some frustration out of my system! At this point I didn't doubt that I really looked like the crazy person everyone thought I was. Had I earlier said that I was a mostly a nice person? Well, I was. But I wasn't afraid either of letting my frustrations out when I needed to and it had often gotten me into fights back at the Pine Peak Asylum.
         My crazed laugh just seem to make Finn even more angry and he roughly grabbed the front of my t-shirt dragging me closer to him. It almost felt like a repetition of earlier today at school. Only this time I enjoyed it. My concern of being heard was gone with the wind and I gladly drove him on.
         “Hoo?” I crooned. “Short fuse there, doggie-boy? Or did I hit a sore spot?”
         “You, didn't hit anything, but I'd gladly hit you again.” he growled to my face.
         “Give it your best shot, big guy. The last one didn't even smart.” I taunted.
         Finns whole frame was shaking with held back anger. I could feel how much he wanted to hit me. I wouldn't mind a little blood right now, be it mine or his, it didn't really matter. Actually, I needed it.
         I tried to pry his hands of my t-shirt but apparently I seriously lacked in strength compared to him. But if I wanted to get in a good hit I really needed to get loose. He had other plans it seemed. He kept me in a steady grip, trying to control himself. He had stooped low enough when he hit me the first time it seemed, apparently I was just a girl after all, he just wouldn't budge now, no matter what I said or did. I tried many things to get him riled up again. I called him names, tugged on his hair, tried to hit him as best as I could from my awkward position. Nothing. Gods, it pissed me off!
         Hit me, damn you!
         “Why won't you just hit me!?” I yelled at him. He looked at me like I was nuts, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he didn't dignify me with an answer. I didn't really know what happened to me. I felt... drunk. Or high. I couldn't decide on which. But suddenly, I bit him. It was as if I had no real control over my own actions. As hard as I could I clamped down on his arm with my teeth until I could feel his skin giving way and blood flushed into my mouth. Why was I doing this?
         He screamed. Dan and Julie had already heard my shouting and had obviously started for the door right then, but it seemed that they'd sped up when they heard Finns pained scream.
         “Get her off me! Damn it! What the fuck's wrong with this crazed bitch!?”
         Dans hands grabbed me around the chest from behind to tear me off of Finn, while Julie tried her best to unlock my jaws. After only a short while Finn got loose and stormed into the house to tend to his wound, Dan following him, he being the better of the two at the whole healing thing.
         Then I fell.
         I somehow fell into the abyss of which edge I'd been balancing on for the last couple of days. All sounds had gone muffled. All sightings had gone dim.
         No. Oh dear Gods, no! I don't want this! Make it stop, please!
         What's the matter Kei? You've done this to yourself you know.
         I knew that.
         You could have stopped. You could've been nice.
         I knew that as well. But even if I in some ways regretted my behaviour, I also welcomed the blackness that now engulfed my soul.
         I started to shake like crazy. I could feel my muscles go weak and I sank to the porch floor as my legs gave way under me, Juliana still held me as best as she could.
         What had I done!? I really was crazy, wasn't I? In panic I started to cry. I felt like I had this morning, like a child. Like the weak minded mental patient I really was. Who did I think I was to have the right to be amongst good people like Juliana. I would only end up hurting her. Daniel had said it as well. I'd been angry with him then but now I thought that he was probably right. But I didn't want to go back! I wouldn't go back to the asylum. I wouldn't!
         But I should, I concluded with myself. Look at me! I had bitten Finn. Fine, he'd deserved it but... I could still taste his blood in my mouth! I realized how disturbed I must look to them, blood and saliva dripping down my chin. Oh Gods, the blood.
         Without warning I threw up, right there where we sat on the porch. Not much came up, I'd eaten so little today, and soon my world was solely made up of dry retching that felt like my stomach would follow it's contents any second, and pain. My whole body hurt from the dry retches and I cried even more. Again I had trouble to breathe and tried my best to suck in wheezing gasps of air. It sounded like I was choking on something and I knew instinctively that Julie must be insanely scared. She'd never seen this side of me before. Not this violently anyway.
         Daniel came out on the porch again. I heard him talking to Julie, but I couldn't make out all the words, my hearing still muffled by the thrumming in my head. I only heard ripped out pieces like “...I called... here soon... for the best...” I couldn't make out what Julie said, I only noticed her hulking and the desperate tone in her voice.
         I groaned and whined, trying weakly to spit out the foul taste of gall in my mouth as I pressed my hands to my stomach. Everything hurt so much! Hearing started slowly to come back to me as well as my eyesight and I could feel the rhythmic stroking of Juliana's hand upon my shivering back.
         “Get up sweetie. Let's go inside, kay?” She murmured in my ear. I tried my best to get up, I really did, but my legs were still weak and I wobbled dangerously as I clung to Julies arm.
         “Come here, honey.” Dan murmured in my ear and I felt myself getting lifted by his strong arms.
         “No...” I struggled weakly, my protest like the small squeak of a mouse. I felt so disgusting, blood and vomit everywhere. I was soon released as he gently put me down on the sofa. I sank down on my side, half sitting half lying on Julies favorite furniture, trying to breathe steadily. Julie placed a glass of cold water before my eyes on the coffee table before she sat down on the floor next to me, resting her head on the sofa cushion and slowly stroking my head. I stared into her hazel eyes for some time, it felt comforting, my tears had finally dried up. But the flood works started soon again as I felt I had strength enough to look around at the sofa to see how damaged it had gotten. The edge of the left armrest was scorched and there were holes in the now sooty fabric. I had ruined her sofa! Tears welled over again as I mumbled and pleaded for forgiveness. She cradled my face in her hands and touched my forehead with hers, reassuring me over and over again that everything was OK She wasn't angry with me. I was more important that some stupid sofa.
         We sat like that, me pleading and she reassuring, when there was a knock on the door. Soon I heard voices trail into the living room, and I dimly recognized at least one of them.
         “Keily. Sweetheart. You're gonna have to come with us now, OK It's only for a little while.” the voice promised.
         I started. No! No, no, no, NO! I jerked up in a sitting position, trying to get away. I clumsily, hastily and panicky fled to the other side of the room, pressing myself up against the wall I stared at the newcomers with wide open eyes. I panicked again as my suspicions were confirmed. The one who had spoken to me, a man, a druid, advanced in on me with caution. Why him? Why did Njor come here? I started hyper ventilating, whining and crying as I tried to get away from him. I stumbled past the living room window, almost snaring myself up in the curtains in the process, made my way past the TV set and accidentally knocked over two delicately formed glass candle holders that hit the floorboards with a crashing sound. The sharp glass fragments cut the soles of my feet as I without a thought stepped on them in my rampaging flight.
         “Keily, be careful! They're just here to help.” Julie tried to calm me from where she stood pressed into Daniels side, his arm in a protective grip around her shoulders.
         I didn't care. I wouldn't go back! I tried shove pass the other orderlies and Finn where they were blocking the hallway to both the front door and the corridor to my room, but the orderlies efficiently  got a hold of my arms and managed somehow to hold me down despite my wild struggling and screaming. I heard nurse Njors low voice tell them to let me calm down a bit. I realized that there wasn't much I could do to get loose and I collapsed, exhausted and shaking. Njor didn't take any risks though. He'd seen me in action to many times to trust the first sighting of defeat. I kept my eyes locked on him as he slowly moved towards me, carefully putting a hand down his large lab-coat pocket. He watched me tentatively and saw me tense up at his movement. He stopped in his tracks, his green eyes locked with my red ones. His next order was merely a whisper, but one of the orderlies heard and acted on it.
         “Get the jacket. Now.”
         The word triggered something inside me that I couldn't quite explain. I went crazy. No, I went more than crazy, I went berserk. My outburst was so sudden and completely different from my previously quiet state the two orderlies that had held me got surprised and lost their grip on my arms. I spun around to get away but Njor lunged at me, driving me straight to the ground under his huge form. I screamed, kicked and twisted, trying to get away from him but nothing helped. In only a few seconds I felt the first shot of sedatives sting my neck.
         No! No, no, no. I groaned in my head. I didn't want to go back!
         “I don't want to go back.” I cried. There was no use in struggling now. I felt the second shot pierce the thin skin in my neck and knew defeat. Real defeat.
         “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” I said to him, over and over again. I really did hate him. My voice grew weaker with each breath and my vision started to get blurry. I heard Juliana cry and looked up to see her bury her face into Dans chest. Finn stood beside them, motionless. He looked terrified and I suddenly felt sorry for him. I really was a bitch. A crazy one. I must've scared him shitless. Breath hitched in my throat and I leaned my forehead against the hardwood floor and let once again the tears spill over the rims of my eyes. I hardly noticed when they put the jacket on me, binding my arms around myself, and led me of to the waiting car. I couldn't speak and hardly see a thing in front of me but I was still able to walk. Sedatives didn't take very hard on me as my high body temperature quickly burned of the drug. They never knocked me out, no matter how many shots they gave me, had I not been a fire-mage I'd be dead many times over. Instead the damn shots only made me drowsy and dazed.
         They probably have to give me another shot on the way to the asylum, I thought and sighed heavily.

         End Chap 4.