Geraniums

My name is Joshua. Sixteen years of age and I have a best friend. Well, everyone has but for me, it’s odd because my best friend is a girl. I’m not ashamed of her but well, yeah, just odd. My best friend’s name is Melody. She’s sixteen too. We met last summer vacation and we’re nearly one year. Here’s the story.
         I was skateboarding with my dudes when I saw her. She was rollerblading but as I watch her make her way in the park, it seemed like she was tired. Well, it’s not like me to just go and approach her but that’s what I did. I told my dudes that I’m going somewhere then when they said okay, I made my way towards her.
         It’s not like me to talk to a girl but that’s what I did. There is something about her. I don’t know what but there is. It’s like if I just watch her and not care at all, something bad is going to happen to her.
         She was rollerblading slowly and she was, as far as I can see, catching her breath. When I was close enough to greet her, she suddenly fell. Well, she didn’t really fall because I quickly caught her.
         Everyone was looking at us. My dudes stopped skateboarding while I was here, sitting on the ground, with a girl in my arms.
         She was breathing hard and she was sweating a lot. Well, I figured I had to bring her to the hospital.
         I visited her the next day. She was all smiling while her friends were around her bed. Her father told her friends to go out of the room for awhile just so we could talk.
         Her father introduced me to her, saying that I was the one who saved her life and… What? Saved her life? Then I just found out that she has a heart disease. This poor girl.
         I looked at her smiling at me, and then she stuck her hand out and said. “My name’s Melody!”
         I took her hand and shook it. Man, it was cold. It was as if I was shaking the hand of a dead body. “Joshua.” I said.
         Then that’s where it started. I visit her everyday. After all, it was vacation. I don’t know why but every time she sees me, I can see her face lighting up like I was the source of her energy or something. I never knew she was so talkative and happy despite her condition. It was as if she doesn’t have any problems or she never had sickness. And she talked to me as if we were friends for such a long time. She wasn’t the kind of girl who goes shy and silent around a boy whom she just met. She was just natural.
         A day came when I caught her crying. She was crying so hard that she could hardly breathe. I asked her why she was crying and she said that her best friend, well… doesn’t like her anymore. Her best friend told her that she was always at the hospital and she (Melody) never had a time to hangout with her (the best friend) anymore. What the hell? How could Melody hangout with her best friend if she can’t even go out of her room? Why wouldn’t her best friend just visit her here like I always do? Or was I actually taking the place of her best friend?
         Her heart attacked again. I was so worried about her. I never felt worried for someone before. Whenever my dudes would get sick or something, I’ll just say. “Hey, all you have to do is rest and you’ll be fine tomorrow.” But this was different. This girl… It’s like I can’t leave her. I shouldn’t leave her. I won’t leave her.
         One time I stayed with her for the whole day and guess what? I found out that no one’s visiting her anymore. Just her parents, her little brother, and me. I wanted to ask why but I knew the answer. Their reason was the same as the reason of Melody‘s best friend. She was still smiling but I know she was just pretending. She was helping herself not to feel sad because it would just affect her heart.
         I returned for her the next day and it seemed like she was waiting for me. She greeted me with her smile but I don’t think this time she was pretending. It was her real smile. She watched me take my seat on the chair near her bed. It has almost been a month since she was confined in the hospital.
         “May I ask you something?”
         I shrugged. “Okay.”
         “I don’t understand. You don’t know me. Why did you…?” She stopped talking. Maybe she felt that I know what she was talking about. Let’s just say, she’s trying to ask me why I saved her life. Or was that really her question? Well, I didn’t know the answer. “How…?”
         So I told her. I was skateboarding then I saw her and I knew that if I didn’t approach her, something’s going to happen to her. There. End of story.
         She didn’t let me explain further. I guess that’s all she wanted to know. She just smiled at me and said. “Thank you, Joshua.”
         I smiled back at her. It’s not really my doing, smiling around girls, but like I said. There was something about her.
         “You act as if we’ve been best friends for so long.” She said. I’m not exaggerating or anything, but man, her voice was so angelic! No wonder her name is Melody. “I see you as my best friend. I hope I am to you too.”
         Well, would you look at that. I think I see her as my best friend too. I told her. “You don’t have to hope, Melody.”

         Class has already started so I just visit her every dismissal. I do my assignments at the hospital and I teach Melody because she can’t go to school. Now it made my parents wonder. Actually, ever since I met Melody, I never mentioned her to my parents. Whenever they ask me where I’ve gone, I only tell them that I’ve been at my dudes’ house. But now, I couldn’t lie to them anymore. My dad really doesn’t mind it if I, well, visit a girl but I don’t know why my mom gets worried for the girl. Gee, it’s not like I’m going to do something bad to her.
         They asked me at a Wednesday night where I’ve gone again. I went home at eight o’clock.
         “As far as I know, your school ends at four, Joshua.” My dad said while we were at the dining room, eating. “Why do you come home late? I mean even when it was summer. Don’t tell me you’ve been at your dudes’ house again. Tell us the truth.”
         “Are you visiting a girl, young man?” My mom asked. “What did you do? What if her parents find out? What if…?”
         I won’t continue what my mom asked. She often does that but what choice do I have? I can’t lie to my parents forever. I have to tell them. After all, I’m not doing anything wrong, am I? Well, I did lie, but exclude that. “You’re right, Mom… Dad.” I said. “The reason why I go home late isn‘t because I always stay at my dudes’ house. I do visit a girl.”
         “What!” My mom and dad shouted. I know they’re mad but I have to add…
         “Let me explain, okay?” I said, raising my palms up as if I was arrested.
         “Alright, young man. Explain yourself.” Dad said and he was looking at me like I’m a criminal accused of lying or something.
         “I met a girl last summer vacation…” I started. I told them that she had a heart disease and that she stayed at the hospital for almost a month. Well, it had been months but anyway. I told them that I visit her everyday just so I could ask for her condition and just so she could talk to someone because she doesn’t have friends anymore (that’s what she said and that’s what she felt). I also told them that she… is my best friend.
         As I told them my story, my dad’s face softened and my mom’s face was… well, she looked like she was saying, “Aww,” to me or something. Not like I cared anyway.
         After that, my parents told me that they wanted to see Melody tomorrow. They were going to fetch me after school then we’ll go to the hospital.

         So the day came and as we make our way towards Melody’s room, my mom kept on asking me questions like “What does she look like?” “Is she pretty?” “Does she like you?” But I didn’t bother answering them. They’re going to see her. Let them judge for themselves. Well, Melody is like a doll. She’s pale and her hair is black. It is straight and soft (I once ran my fingers on them while she was still sleeping.) and it reached until her back. She has dark eyes and whenever she smiles, her pale cheeks would start being rosy. She’s pretty for me but I don’t know if she likes me. Anyway, she sees me as her best friend.
         After I knocked on the door, I heard someone say, “Come in,” then I opened the door. I saw her parents and Melody was, then again, smiling. She was telling her parents something about a show she watched with me.
         Her parents looked at my parents then they stood up from their seat. I introduced my parents to them and to Melody then I introduced her family to my parents.
         They talked to each other about Melody’s condition and what I’ve been doing here and all that. Whatever. Not like I cared anyway. While I was stuck between my parents and Melody’s parents, I saw her staring at me. It was as if she was waiting for me to look at her. She smiled and called me so I excused myself and approached her. I sat on the chair beside her bed then she said.
         “I think your parents are nice.”
         Yeah? I think they’re weird. I didn’t bother commenting anyway.
         I asked her for her condition again and she told me that she was getting better but she still has to stay in the hospital for months. She had to be diagnosed and all that.
         Melody reached for my hand. At least it was getting warmer and she doesn’t look so pale anymore. I looked at her and she said. “Thank you.”
         After our parents talked, we stayed there and talked to each other as if we were one big happy family. Melody was laughing, her parents were laughing, my parents were laughing but my mind was focused on Melody. Is there a possibility that she will recover? I mean she was so young to have such sickness!
~~~
         My birthday came, her birthday came, Christmas came, and New Year came. We celebrated these events with her in the hospital together with her parents and my parents. It was as if our parents knew each other for so long like what Melody told me. They get along just fine and it was as if they were true friends. And yes, Melody was still confined. I don’t understand. Why was she still confined for such a long time? She said she was feeling better, wasn’t she? It has been a whole year! I want her to get out of this damned hospital right now!
         I was not able to visit her late January because of so many projects and assignments. It was as if our teachers have never given us such projects and assignments before! Well, I understood. We’re seniors already and deadlines are coming closer. February came and still, I haven’t visited Melody. How was she? Is she alright? Does she have someone to talk to? Is she still… smiling? These questions really bugged me every night when I was about to sleep. I wanted to see her badly.
         When Valentines’ Day came, it was a Saturday so we didn’t have classes but despite the fact that we still have projects and assignments, hey, there’s still Sunday. I have to see Melody. But before I went to the hospital, I bought a bouquet of geraniums for her. Just flowers because I don’t know if chocolates were good for her.
         I saw her on her bed. She… was not smiling. She was just staring at the window blankly. I wonder what made her like that. Did something happen?
         “Melody,” I called then she looked at me. She was so pale!
         I saw her forced a smile at me and said. “Hey, Joshua,”
         I approached her and gave her the flowers I bought. “Happy Valentines.” I greeted.
         She looked at the flowers and smelled it then she looked at me. “They smell nice. What kind of flower is this?”
         “Geranium.” I answered. “We studied about flowers before and geraniums mean friendship so I… decided to give you some.”
         Now, I see Melody smiled her real smile. “Thank you.” She said.
         I sat on the chair near her bed as she admired the flowers I gave her. “Were you sad?” I asked.
         “Yes.” She looked at me, her smile fading, and then she looked down. “I waited for you, Joshua. Whenever the day ends without you here, I grow so weak everyday. Whenever the day ends without you by my side, you’re making me think like you didn’t want to visit me anymore. You made me remember my old best friend.”
         I saw her tears streaming down her pale cheeks. She should have understood why I wasn’t visiting her anymore, right? I mean it’s rush hour. Too much projects and assignments. “I’m sorry.” I said.
         “You’re not actually leaving me, are you?” She said in a small voice. “You are my energy, Joshua.”
         I reached for her face and when my palm got contact with her cheek, it was so cold. Colder that the time she held my hand. I wiped her tears and said. “I’ve been busy. We have so much projects and assignments, you know? We still have to finish them. I have to finish them. I hope you understand.”
         Melody nodded.
         “You know, I could have made projects today since we don’t have classes but I knew I had to see you.”
         She looked down and watched her tears fall on her lap. “Thank you.” She said again.
         “Stop crying now, alright?” I asked, raising her chin up so that I could wipe her tears away. “You know, it’s bad for your heart.”
         Melody smiled and nodded then I stood up and hugged her.

         Well, that was the last time I saw her. Well, not really the last time but that was the last time I saw her smiling at me. After Valentines’ Day, I got busy more than ever that I didn’t have the time to visit her at the hospital anymore even if it were weekends. We graduated already and after the day we celebrated, I went to the hospital to tell her the good news.
         I knocked at her door and went inside but I felt my heart sank when I saw no one there but the nurse fixing the bed. I was hoping Melody was not confined anymore.
         “Excuse me, where is the patient?” I asked the nurse.
         She looked at me and shook her head, saying. “I’m sorry, sir, but the patient here just died yesterday.”
         Yesterday. I widened my eyes. YESTERDAY? Yesterday! “Are you crazy?” I asked. “She can’t die!” I didn’t wait for the nurse to defend herself. She’s crazy. Melody can’t die. She can’t leave me! I have to see her! I have to see her smiling face. I have to hold her hand. I have to see her rosy cheeks. I have to see her!
         But yes, I was the one who was crazy.
         
         As I watch her casket being put down, I felt regret. I shouldn’t have cared about my studies. We could study together next year, anyway. She was feeling better. You are my energy, Joshua. Her voice echoed in my head. If I were her energy, I should have been beside her. I should have been there! Damn it! Why did she have to die? This is all my fault. My fault! To tell you the truth, she was the only best friend I ever had. My dudes were just my friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Melody was different.
         Was this the feeling she felt when she lost her old best friend? I don’t think so. Because mine hurts more than it hurt her. Her old best friend didn’t die. My best friend died!
         Melody was too young to die.
         
         When the visitors left, I stayed there. My knees and hands fell to the ground together with my tears. She can’t die. It was all my fault. If only I was there for her… If only she fought! I was one day late… She should have waited for me… All she has to do was to wait for another day and she’ll see me again. I’ll see her smiling… I’ll hold her hand… I’ll run my fingers through her hair… I’ll touch her face when she’ll cry because I haven’t visited her for so long… I’ll hug her tight… I’ll kiss her.
         But I can’t do it anymore. I can never do it. Never.
         If only I could bring back the time.
         “Joshua?”
         I looked up and saw her mom. She was wearing a black dress. If Melody lived, she’ll look exactly like her mother in the future.
         Her mom kneeled behind me and hugged me then I cried like a boy who lost his favorite toy.
         “Melody would like to give you something.” said her mom.
         I looked at her then she handed me the white envelope she had been holding since this morning. She smiled at me and I saw Melody and her sweet smile. I miss her so much.
         I looked at the envelope then her mom stood up and left. I sat on the ground and opened the envelope. Inside were a geranium flower and a letter. I placed the envelope and the flower down then I unfolded the paper. A picture slid from it then I saw Melody. It was her picture. She was wearing her rollerblades and she looked healthy and happy. Tears fought their way out from my eyes again as I took the picture from the ground. I read the letter.

         Dear Joshua,

                   Hello!  Well, I know that when you read this letter, I’m already gone. Please don’t cry. I don’t want to see you cry, okay? I want to see you smiling. I bet you are blaming yourself for my death, huh? Please don’t. It’s okay. It’s just that I can’t continue living anymore. I wanted to rest already because I’m so tired.  I wanted to sleep for so long. Please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t think it’s your fault. If you didn’t tell me that it was because of your projects that you can’t come visit me anymore, I could have died earlier. I understood, Joshua. It’s okay. Anyway, I was ready to face death.
                   I’m happy to have met you, Joshua. You’re the best! You were such a great best friend. I will never forget you. So please don’t forget me too. I inserted a picture of mine so that you can look at me anytime you want.
                   I also inserted a geranium flower as a sign of our friendship. You will always be my best friend. Always and forever. After all, you are the source of my energy.
                   I love you, Joshua.

                                                                                                   Melody

         As I read the letter, my tears were dropping on the paper. She loves me. Melody loves me and I can’t even tell her that I love her too. Damn it, we were nearly one year.

***

         “Josh?”
         I blinked and looked at my dudes. We were skateboarding at the park and they were all staring at me.
         “What the hell happened to you?” One of my dudes asked.
         I looked down and shook my head. I remembered Melody again. She was gone. I can’t believe it. One year seemed to be so short a time for me. Just last year, I saw her rollerblading but… One of my dudes interrupted my thoughts again.
         “You were daydreaming, weren’t you?”
         I looked at them and said. “No.”
         “Really?”
         I rolled my eyes at them and looked around. This was the place where I saw…
         I widened my eyes and saw Melody. She was rollerblading and it was as if everything from the past just came back. It was as if everything that happened to me a year ago was a vision! Melody was there rollerblading just like what I saw from the past. She looked tired and if I just watch her and not care at all, something bad might happen to her.
         “Dudes, what year is it today?” I looked at them, asking the question quickly.
         “Dude, are you drunk or what? It’s 2008. Obviously.”
         Melody died on 2009! Am I back in the present or the past? But before my mind answer my own question, I didn’t bother telling my dudes where I’m going. Instead, I ran towards the girl and caught her before she fell on the grounds.
         I won’t make the same mistake again.

~end~