The Bomb Was Not...

A Fickle word for fickle say what you mean
Please, it's For the sake of a car crash!
Escapism can't be bought. Made sure my belt wasn't taught. It isn't the easy way out.
Can't stand up with the pressure over my head.
Little heart beats fast. Ribs push back the chest. Just can't find my breath.

I hate myself

Dread the new, and here are you, to tear my life up right on cue.
Losing friends, loosening morals.
Sleep hasn't graced me with it's presence for some time now.
I've lost count of the wool over my eyes. It's the heaviest it's ever been from my curse deep within.

Dying for a car crash!
Make some sense, I know I'm not really this happy.
One wrong turn.
Am I making any sense?
This is a heap of nonsense words thrown together in a medical haze.

Lying in my bed, the lights are out. Sleep has evaded me once again.
No dreams tonight, no hope for the future.
Apathy and a twisted soul has no cure.
Nothing is alright in the black of night.
She has gone away from my heart but has diseased mind.

The lights are still on in my head. Listening to the floor boards creek, I try to gather my thoughts but they've all gone to rot!
No breaks, no fair.
I can't stop now me and misery are on a roll.
Only time I'm at peace is when I'm a vegitable, zoned out.
I can't feed myself my own helpings of life, hopeless.
Turn the key to my thoughts.
I bet it won't rev up.
The bottle is hollow now. I don't want your sympathy.
I just want you to know It's straight from the devil himself.
Blackness is way to cliché to twist the words how I feel.
So I'm straight off the factory floor, dented and bruised.

Falling down in a dream is fleeting
and feelings are ever so retreating.
Will someone please plug me in? I'm sure the plug isn't insight.
The outlet has hindered my far sight.
Cooling down now, don't tip me I'll promise to always be a sweet little boy.
It's the innosence I desire most,
the jadedness has found it's host.
I will be remembered for things I don't.
I will be engraved into that tree, deep down in the sea.
I'll sail the world if it meant freedom, but I'd hate to be couped up for so long.
So, so long world...
Just waiting on the car to crash, it won't be to long.
Keeping track of time that's past, it'll never come back.-----------------------

It's funny how memories bring back the happier scenes.
They are gone now.
It'll come back somehow.
But your older today and they're still not back.
Was it all just a dream?
That'd be safer, if it never happened then I really never lost anything.
I am the victor.
And victoriously I sit in my throne of lies.
Sadness seeping silently onto my stoic face.

It rained on my birthday.
That could sum up these 18 years.
I hope the ending will be as good as today.
Pain subsided, but still resides in me.
It sounds dumb I know, or am I just into self depreciation too much.

I haven't talked to you since you know when.
Who am I among nobler men?

Out the window the rain presses on,
something that gets harder every day.
Even the brightest sun ray doesn't lift the clouds.
This has been turnin for a while
but stayed off the radar while the bridges were burnin.
I can't calm the storm alone
but my pride strangles my calls for help to form
my words,
my thoughts, to shallow pleadings.
Don't look at me anymore!
Isn't it harder to see me when I'm off the pedistal?
I turn red at the thought.
Following it up with trips to the bathroom stall.
Heartburn becomes more frequent.
My lining is crumbling
and the walls of jehrico are still standing.
No love,
that's gone.
I'm left with a real illusion of being alone.

The bomb was not finally hid away like it was supposed to.
It blew up instead.
Left me to pick up the hundreds of pieces left of my head.
Rhymes come natural to the naturally bleak.
Can't cover up the grime of my brain.
It's splilled out leaving my heart to fill the void.
Thinking on impulse, I try to weep,
nothing comes,
only cobwebs now I must sweep.