biography of me in cousins point of view

FANTASY STORY 1
KAYTLIN’S STEPMOM FROM BEYOND

Kaytlin Baker got a new stepmom who her dad randomly married after kicking out his girlfriend everyone hated named Nancy. It all started when Kaytlin came back from her mom’s house to see her dad’s house completely rearranged with pictures of her dad marrying a woman she didn’t know. Kaytlin became confused and wondered what ever happened to the woman she hated that he was previously with. When did her father ever marry such an odd looking woman? Why wasn’t Kaytlin informed about it? But most of all, Kaytlin was satisfied that Nancy was gone. First, Kaytlin decided to confront her dad about this confusing ordeal.
Kaytlin asked her dad “Who is this woman?”, and her dad lazily said “Your new stepmom.” At that very moment a (Mexican?) woman popped out of a box screaming “BAM BAM BAM!!!” Kaytlin leapt back, surprised, and her dad lazily walked away.
The woman spotted Kaytlin and pulled out a life saver and began beating Kaytlin with it yelling “Om-pa-ka-ki-koi-kie!” “What?!” Kaytlin screamed in shock. “Oy Cow!” shouted the woman as she was slamming Kaytlin in the face with her life saver. Kaytlin finally caught the life saver and pushed it away and was temporarily free and ran upstairs to her room and she locked the door behind her. She sat in her bed trying to process her thoughts and she decided to call her cousin, Madison. As she dialed the seven numbers, she noticed strange noises coming from downstairs. She realized it was her stepmom screaming “Red Rum! Red Rum! Red Rum….!!” “What the freak??!”, thought Kaytlin. She told her cousin about the new addition to her home. Madison laughed evilly at Kaytlin’s misery. Soon, Kaytlin heard scratching and meowing at her door. She looked under her bed for her diary to add an interesting entry, when she saw her dad eating a turtle shell and dressed as a cowboy. Kaytlin ignored that her dad was there and decided to confront him about the maniac scratching her door. “Where did she come from?!” hissed Kaytlin. “Who?” asked her dad lazily with a chunk of his delicious turtle shell stuffed in his cheek. “The lunatic scratching at my door, the one in the pictures, the one who screams “red rum””…who do you think I’m talking about?!” Kaytlin raved on. “Oh, you mean my wife?” asked her father, sounding bored. “I KNOW THAT! WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHERE SHE CAME FROM!!” screamed the hesitant Kaytlin. ”Bed Bath and Beyond” stated Arnold. “What??” Kaytlin sighed in disbelief. “The Beyond section” said Arnold sarcastically. “Fanfofu.”
Kaytlin turned to see her stepmom with a flame thrower pointed at her. “Crap” whispered Kaytlin under her breath. The weird lady pressed a big red button on the side of her macho machine. A gulf of flame burst out towards Kaytlin. She dunked and the flame devoured Kaytlin’s favorite cheese grater. Kaytlin tackled her angrily and pulled out her least favorite but still useful cheese grater and began rubbing it hard on the crazy psychopathic woman and it shredded her skin. She screamed in pain and ran out with her flamethrower. She was never heard of again, aside from the reports of a crazy Mexican woman terrorizing Minnesota and many reports of people finding burnt bodies of animals and non-animals.
THE END




MEMORIES #1

Once me and my cousin, Kaytlin were at my family reunion talking on walkie talkies to my cousin, Hallie and my sister, Charly. We were just talking when my cousin, Heather, took the walkie talkie and said “Hello.” In a squeaky voice.
They replied “Who is this?” “Billy Joe Sagit.” She replied. “Okay…” they answered “What cabin are you in?” Then, Heather said “I’m not in a cabin, I’m in a tree!” Charly and Hallie didn’t reply. Kaytlin and I were rolling on the ground laughing. Then, Heather said “Fallow the darkest trail to the tallest tree!” By then, we were cracking up to the point to where we could barely breathe and our sides hurt. They never replied.
Later, they came to the camp and they were like “Where were you guys!?” and we were like “Here.” It turned out they had turned off their walkie talkie eventually after being terrified of the creepy words of the stranger.


















Fantasy story 2
Kaytlin the crazy lunatic
Kaytlin was as crazy as a lunatic. Actually, she was a lunatic! She would kidnap random people and force them to eat slugs. But that wasn’t the only thing she did. She also locked them deep inside her basement. This wasn’t a normal basement, but this basement was filled with cells where she kept her victims. Blood was splattered on the walls from people who had gauged out there own eyes because the people couldn’t take looking at Kaytlin’s disgusting face any longer. The basement looked like a medieval torture house. It looked as creepy as kaytlin’s face….. Okay not that creepy.
That’s not the end of it, because Kaytlin would strap her victims to a table and pull off their finger nails. It was as painful as seeing kaytlin’s face… Okay not that painful.
After Kaytlin pulled their finger nails off, she would sell the finger nails on eBay to hobos who where too unfortunate to grow them. But for some strange reason they weren’t selling well and Kaytlin ran out of money and died of AIDS. After Kaytlin died, global warming suddenly stopped and everyone lived happily ever after without any foreclosures or debt.
Biography of Kaytlin baker (b-o-k-b)

Kaytlin Baker was born on November 29, 1994 to parents Arnold Baker, a half naked cowboy and Jetta Baker, a stripper. Kaytlin grew up a little, when her first word was Angus, since her dog was named after the awesome Angus Young, guitarist of AC/DC. She had been named after Seinfeld characters. Kaytlin grew up to have the favorite color of black, love anime and manga, draw amazingly, loving yaoi, to torture dolphins, to like to check out hot dudes, to eat her cousin’s hot chocolate powder, to harass her cousin’s cat named Hobo, to listen to music (the station 102.7 on the radio) 24/7, and to plan murder on her dad’s girlfriend and her cousin’s grandpa. She has had boyfriends named (in order) Connar Reaver, Josh Howard, Cody Coffey, Tyler Waters, and Brian Morgan. Yet, don’t forget Mr. Miller, who sadly moved. Kaytlin’s favorite manga is Goth and her favorite anime is Paradise Kiss. Her nicknames are and were Pablo, G.I. Jane, Mr Margret Bottoms, Hannah, Brittany, and Fruity. Her favorite line to say is “That’s what she said.” Her books are Streaking Taco, I Forget, Ride My Rainbow, 72 Virgins, Bloody Thorn, Gory Glory, Silent Hill, Project Crush, and Hate,Murder,Elope. The books she has given up on are COUSINS, HOBO, Gay Bully, and I’m In Your Covers. Kaytlin’s biggest crush is her ex-boyfriend, Cody Coffey. She dreams of marrying him, stealing his last name, and having kids named Decaf, Seth, Evan, Late’, Creamy, and Black.
Kaytlin has many enemies her number 1 enemy is John. John is the dirtiest man and any one in there right mind would hate him. Her 2nd worst enemy is Nancy, her dad’s girl friend Nancy all ways yells at her for stupid things and never has anything nice to say. Kaytlin’s 3ed worst enemy is Claudia; Claudia is a prep who stole her love. Her 4th worst enemy is Elizabeth because she is stubborn and bossy and likes to make fun of Kaytlin. Kaytlin’s 5th enemy is Kevin Fred, Kevin once sexily harassed her. Her 6th worst enemy is Brian; Brian is her ex boyfriend who still wants to go out with her.
Kaytlin likes to read manga but no manga can compare to her love for Cobra Mansion of Terror, Cobra Mansion of Terror is Kaytlin’s favorite manga now and forever. If Kaytlin had to she would pay thousands and thousands of dollars just to look at the cover of the fantastical book. Kaytlin loves this book more then she loves her self for she is nothing compared to Cobra Mansion of Terror.
Even though Kaytlin is nothing compared to Cobra Mansion of Terror she still loves her self and thinks she is amazing Kaytlin loves her talent of drawing she stated that if her cousin Madison ever chopped off her right arm and ate it she would never forgive her. Kaytlin also loves her sexy legs and if she did not have them there would be no way to attract girls to her. So yes Kaytlin loves her life and so does Brian.


Children’s story
Bad Kaytlin
Once in a peaceful town called Hamilton lived a girl named Kaytlin. Kaytlin was a vary bad girl and soon all the children referred to Kaytlin as Bad Kaytlin. Kaytlin enjoyed seeing others in pain, she also enjoyed insulting people.
Bad Kaytlin soon had no friends nobody wanted to be friends with someone like her. Bad Kaytlin had a cousin named Madison who disliked her just as much as the kids at school. But Madison was sometimes forced to let Bad Kaytlin come over and spend the night.
Madison hated when Bad Kaytlin came over. Bad Kaytlin would eat all of Madison’s food not to mention eat her hot chocolate powder. Bad Kaytlin spent a lot of her time drawing at Madison’s house, Madison liked to draw to but was not as good as Bad Kaytlin. Bad Kaytlin always told Madison that her drawings sucked. Bad Kaytlin liked hitting Madison for fun and it really hurt Madison but Bad Kaytlin didn’t care.
Bad Kaytlin always acted inappropriate around people but if she was with her parents she acted like a little angel around her parents. This made some people mad. Bad Kaytlin liked to make faces at cars and put dirt in people’s bed. Bad Kaytlin never kept a promise she always broke it no madder what it is. Kaytlin also liked torturing dolphins ( rubber yellow dolphins ).
One fine day Bad Kaytlin was walking down the street. She was wearing her favorite shirt. It had a kitten on it she set there admiring her shirt. When all of a sudden a rock come flying though the air and hits Bad Kaytlin on the head. Bad Kaytlin then turned in to cool gangster Kaytlin. Kaytlin looked down at her once favorite shirt and thought why in the world am I wearing this retarded shirt.
That fateful day then became a national holiday for young and old. The day was Yaoi day and it takes place on march 26th and nobody in many years to come would forget the day the brave Alain Miller risking his life threw the rock at Bad Kaytlin turning her Cool and gangster Kaytlin. Now the world can rest in peace knowing Bad Kaytlin is no more. Alain Miller was given many awards for his braveness he even one the Yaoi Paddle that he now uses to fight crime and wining love.








Friendly Letter
Dear Kaytlin Baker,
I hate you! You ruined my life. My life was perfect before I met you. You are the reason my life sucks. You make me want to pull the hair out of my head. You eat my hot chocolate powder, wear your shoes in my bed and all around my house, and most importantly you bully my cats! Let alone you don’t act normal around my parents. You are the reason I cry my self to sleep every night. And when I think I’m finally away from you in my dreams, I’m wrong, you are there turning my perfect dreams into horrific nightmares! I’d rather be tortured for the rest of my life by Meraki, than spend another moment with you and your stinky feet. I also hate when how you eat all of my food, and then when I go to your house you say “NO! You can’t eat that!” What really ticks me off is how you spend every second on MySpace. Also, you, of all the disgusting people in this world, have no right to take pictures of yourself on my camera then delete my videos just to make room for AC/DC. You need to leave my life and never ever come back!!!!!!

Your bestest friend,
Madison XOXOXOXO










Memories 2
Lights
One fateful night my cousin Kaytlin came over. Kaytlin Charly and I were all in my playroom. The computer was broken so Charly was on the lab top. Kaytlin and I were roaming around the room waiting for are turn on the lab top. The door to the living room was open it was dark out there and if someone was out there you wouldn’t know. I kept looking out there it kind of concerned me. I didn’t know this at the time but Kaytlin was concerned to. She thought the grudge was out there (Kaytlin has a deep fear of the grudge)
Charly wasn’t paying attention to the dark door so she feared nothing.
The last thing I saw was Kaytlin standing next the door. I turned to look at her and then it happened the lights went out. With a last look at Kaytlin I ran behind the chest. And hit the ground. I covered my head with my hands but I could still see Kaytlin there was light. Were was it coming from I looked to the other side of room and there was Charly with the lab top. By the time Charly noticed the lights were out Kaytlin was already hiding with me. Finally Charly came over to join us after her foot got tangled up in the cord a few times.
By this time I knew there was no danger but I staid were I was Kaytlin was freaking out she was all like “grudge!”. We set there for a minute before everyone sensed no danger. Charly subjected that we wake up are parents and light some candles. It sounded like a good idea even scared little Kaytlin agreed. We unplugged the lab top which was still producing light. We used the lab top to guide are way to are parents room. We were laughing but not really having a good time.
We finally got to my mom and dads room. We woke them up and told them that the lights went out. My dad got up and lit a few candles but almost as soon as the candles were lit the lights came back on. My dad annoyed went back to his comfy water bed. We felt stupid and didn’t feel like getting back on the lab top so we sadly walked to my bedroom, opened the door, flipped on the light, got changed, talked a little, turned off the lights, lay down in the bed, talked some more and went to sleep. And are lives were never the same















Fantasy story 3 mini grudge adventures

Kaytlin Baker and Madison Jackson were drinking hot cocoa. Kaytlin then coughed and hacked furiously until she spat out some very long and creepy black hair which came from the cocoa she was drinking. When Kaytlin peeked into her cocoa, it seemed normal. “Ewww.” Said Madison at the sight of the strands of hair previously gagged out of her cousin. Kaytlin, shaking, slowly and carefully poured her hot brown liquid into the stainless steel sink and as the murky-looking water raced around the chrome-colored sink, it revealed a wet, messy clump. Madison and Kaytlin gaped at their discovery and then hopped back in fear when the small object moved. It lifted its head and revealed itself, and Kaytlin screamed. It was none other than a miniature grudge. It opened its weary eyes and looked into Kaytlin’s and fell in love.
Madison stepped closer until she was leaning over the sink and said “What the fuzz?” “Uhhhhhhhhhhh” said the mini grudge hoarsely. “THE GRUDGE!!” screamed Kaytlin. “It’s like four inches long.” Stated Madison. “Uhhhhhh” repeated the grudge. “IT’S GOING To KILL US ALL!!!” cried Kaytlin. Madison went and got a hamster carrier that belonged to her now dead rat, Rapscallion Pagan Santa. She put the grudge inside it as it cried “Meow” in a cute but still hoarse tone. “IT’s PURE EVIL!!” yelled Kaytlin. “You’re retarded,” sighed Madison. “No, you are! Look at the evil way it’s staring at me!!” Kaytlin gasped, backing away. “Purrrr” hummed the mini grudge with sparkling hearts in its eyes. “Let’s just sell it on eBay” said Madison. At these words the grudge leapt from the box and attached its self to Madison’s face “Ahhhhhhh” screamed Madison “hisssss” said the mini grudge. “oh my god“ cried Kaytlin. But Madison merely lifted it off her face and put it back into the carrier. Kaytlin teary eyed said “I thought you were going to die”
“Kaytlin this thing is 4 inches long I don’t think its going to kill me” Madison said sarcastically. “You don’t know the grudge like I do” cried Kaytlin. Madison then picked up the grudge by the back of it’s t-shirt “uhhhhhhhh” said mini grudge. Madison shoved it in Kaytlin’s face. Kaytlin screamed in horror and ran away. The grudge stared sadly as it’s true love ran away. Madison laughed “I could put good use to you”. ”uhhhhhh?” said the mini grudge. “I think I’m going to keep you” laughed Madison. And that was the start of the grudges new life at Madison’s house. And everybody lived happily ever after except for Kaytlin who was later put in a mental institution.





Memories 3 furbys are scary
One day Kaytlin came over to my house and laid on my bed. Charly needed to get some thing from behind Kaytlin but Kaytlin wouldn’t move she would only laughed at Charly. I was really annoyed by Kaytlin and I did not feel like dealing with her today. I went to my book shelf and grabbed a Harry Potter book and walked back to Charly and Kaytlin who were still fighting I spotted Kaytlin’s foot lifted the Book high above my head and slammed Kaytlin in the foot with it. Kaytlin jumped up before I could even move. But Charly risking to be beat up (which she did) held her back. I got to the playroom and shut the door I could hear the sound of angry Kaytlin and see her sense the door was glass. Sense Kaytlin couldn’t get to me she did the most evil thing she rearranged my manga collection. When I saw it I cried and put it back the way it was before.