living life

Do you ever wonder why you make the choices you do or where you would be if those choices were different?

I have realized that I have not put much thought or decision in what I wanted to do with my life.  I did not learn all I could or should have,  for that matter I did not use my brain to anywhere near its potential when I was in high school.  That time alone would have made me choose different things or at least make a conscious decision to choose something and not just wander around and land somewhere.

There are things I would love to do, places I'd love to see and people I'd like to meet.

I need to get my life to a place where I have control over what happens, to be able to do what I want when I want and live a good life.

I really wonder what makes some people know what they want, figure out how to get it and then enjoy themselves and their lives.  Why do some people just have a job as opposed to a career, something that you are passionate about?  Why are some people so involved in so many different things, while some seem only to deal with their world?

Is one group better than the other or just different?

Sometimes I feel I have no control over what is happening in my life.  I have worked at the same company for almost 23 years now and honestly never gave any thought to what would hapen if there was a change!  The company was bought out 2 1/2 years ago and things are changing.  So far I have a job, and with the economy the way it is, that is a good thing!  It is hard for me to grasp that I might actually have to create a resume and interview for a new job!  Ine one big way it is scary as HELL!  To be in a new environment, learning new things and being with new people, not sure what my role is.  It would probably be very good for me to learn new things and use my brain!  The things I do now, I have done for so long that I go along without thinking about it, almost like I am on auto pilot!  Not a good way to go through life!

Sometimes I feel I am in such a rut, getting up in the morning for work, making sure the kids get to school, cleaning up the hopuse, feeding the cat and dog.  I need more control and I am not sure how to get it!

I am married and my husband is a good man, but we look at things so differently and I am not the kind of person to give myself to someone to be taken care of.  I have had to take care of myself, which I have not done a great job with, at least not monetarily.  I would like to be comfortable and put very little thought into being there, now with the way the world is, I do not know if it will ever be possible.

I am a good person, probably alittle too consumed with my own world and not involved enough with the world as a whole.  But if I cannot be where I want in my world, how can I do any good in the world?