Lost in death

"Lost in Death"                                                                                                                                      Kerrie Humble



First person                                                                                                                                            Hour 3                               



  The pain hit. It hit like a tornado hits a helpless town. I could feel the life drain out of me as my body shut down. Pressing my sweaty palms to my chest, I tried to ease the pain. The blood oozed through my fingers, warm and sticky. Another blow, this time harder, I felt my life slip through my fingers. I tried to scream, to make them listen, but when my mouth opened I felt a warm substance explode from within. It choked me and suddenly I couldn't breath. As my lungs struggled for air, a hard object hit me. I could no longer see, my head throbbed. I tried to stop the pain by lying still, but it seemed to get worse. Another pain shot through my chest it felt like it had collapsed, and my breathing stopped. I struggled for a breath, but my throat had already closed. The pain seemed to subside and I felt I could bare it. But little did I know pain would never again be a problem for me for I had now entered the world of the supernatural.

    I woke suddenly, though it felt as if I had not been sleeping, but somehow living in a dream. I remember going to see my boyfriend, being accused of cheating, and the rest was a blur. Stumbling to my feet I looked around, I was in an open field. Where though? As my mind became clearer, I felt a horrifying urge for revenge. On who though? And why? I slowly walked to the clearing tripping a few times on my way. I expected to hear my heart beat fast and shaky. However, my chest felt empty, it seemed as though my heart was no longer there. The clearing opened up to a dirt road I vaguely remembered coming down, It lead into town, I knew it.



    I walked down the crowded streets of Bronx, New York. I saw many faces. One stood out though, a young girl about eleven. She was playing hopscotch and singing a song of joy, her eyes full of excitement. A flash of anger erupted in me. She had no right to live; if I must die then she must too, I thought. As I walked closer to her I felt her joy somehow reach out to me as if it is trying to pull me in. It disgusted me; she must feel pain and soon. I'm not sure why I felt like this but, I knew that somehow it felt right. I ducked behind a corner and into a dark alley, waiting to make my move. I waited until she began to stray from her game, and I followed her, always managing to stay one step behind her. When I noticed there were few witnesses around I made my move. Moving slowly but surely.

    The next thing I knew I had her trapped in a corner; she was crying and begging to be let go. I knew that wouldn't happen, she had to feel pain, and nothing was going to stop her from feeling it. Leaning in closer, I breathed in her ear. " I may feel nothing but I see everything. Don't even try to get away. 'Cause your either gonna die quickly or die slowly." I let out a bone chilling laugh, she flinched. I had no weapon so, I used my hands. I put my hands to her throat and she flinched yet again, This time at my touch. Wrapping my fingers around her neck, I squeezed. She let out a whimper. I squeezed harder and I was surprised by my own strength. Soon I had her lying in the dirt, she was dead. A sense of accomplishment ran through me. "One down... millions to go," I whispered to myself.



    I left the girl's body lying in the dirt, not wanting to relive what I'd just done. I felt bad about ending her life so suddenly. I wasn't sure why I did it, now I wish I hadn't. However, I still felt the strong urge for revenge and this time it was stronger. I just wished I knew who I wanted revenge on. If I knew maybe, just maybe killing that person would help me move on. I was sure I was dead, I was starting to remember the pain. Killing the girl made me feel it again. Maybe by killing these innocent people it would help me remember.



    I found myself standing in front of my old home. My mom was pacing in front of the dining room window and my dad was conversing with someone on the phone. I knew I couldn't go in there, they were looking for me. I also knew going in there would make it worse because I had to kill again to escape this feeling. And I couldn't keep a secret which cancelled out going home. I would have to find somewhere else to go. I turned and started down the side walk, back to the streets of New York. I laid down in the dirt in a dark alley. I couldn't sleep though, I heard too many noises. I sat up, there was a blur in the distance. Was it a person? It came closer and revealed itself to be a dark silhouette in the shadows.   

    "Who are you?" I question confidently. "What do you want?"

    "Jake and I was about to ask you the same thing," the figure growled.



    "Onya, I'm not sure why I'm here."



    "Well, you should go home kid. The streets ain't safe here."



    "Kid? I'm fifteen. You don't look that old yourself." And that was the truth, he had a black punk hair-do , his eye color was clearly gold they shined in the dark like a cat's eyes. He had a boyish face and a lanky body. He looked about six feet tall.



    "I'm older then you. I'm seventeen and a hell of a lot more mature it seems."



    "Yeah is that so? Why are you here then?" He stopped to think before continuing.



    "Yeah... you're right..., I'm not much better. I'm... running away from my dad."



    "Oh what did he do?" Jake didn't answer. I didn't push the subject any further. We sat in silence for a few minutes.



    "So where are you going from here?" Jake asked me.



    "I don't know,"I lied. I knew I had to find another place to kill, so the people wouldn't get suspicious.



    "Well, you could come with me... I mean if you want to," he muttered.



    "No,"I blurted out, his face fell down in embarrassment. "I mean I can't...It's not safe,"I let my auburn hair fall in my face.



    "What do you mean it's not safe? I betcha I could do more damage then you could," he laughed looking at my petite figure.



    "If you only knew, you would be surprised," I laughed back and rolled my eyes. His face grew puzzled.



    "What's going on with you? You look like a ghost, you sleep In the dirt, and now your sayin' ya have super strength. What next, are you a vampire too?"



    "I don't know, but if you're wrong then you're sure not far off," I laughed



    "What do you mean you don't know? You mean you're like, not human? Are you some kinda freak?" He bellowed. I burst into tears, He was right I was a freak. There was no denying it, I was hurting helpless people and I thought it was alright.



    "I guess you're right, I am a freak," I mumbled between tears. He hesitated a second, then took me in his arms and whispered in my ear something that sounded like 'It'll be alright, I promise'. But, I knew that promise couldn't be kept, I was a freak and nothing could change that. "You can't help me...No one can."



    "Maybe I can't but then again... maybe ...I can."



    "But...Why? Why do you wanna help me...You don't even know me?"



    "I don't know. I just... have a feeling."



    "You're helping me because of a feeling?"



    "No...well yeah I guess I am."



    "There's nothing you can do. You know that right?"



    " Yeah I can't help you," Finally, I thought He is going to leave. "That is until you tell me what happened." Dang-it he was seriously not going to give up.Well, maybe he will leave if I tell him maybe he will be frightened. I told him everything from the feeling to the doing. He took a step back but showed no sign of leaving.

  "Wow, so you do have some kinda super strength. And you don't know why you wanna kill these people?"

    "Well, I guess when I see them all happy, It kinda makes me mad. I don't know why."



    "OK so you don't know who you want to get revenge on?"



    "No, I had a vision or maybe it was a memory, I don't know. But when I killed her I felt pain, like I was feeling her pain but also someone Else's I felt like I was bleeding from the inside out." He thought for a minute.



    "Maybe you were killed?"



    "Maybe but, why would I want to kill everybody else?"



    "I don't know I guess we'll have to find out."



    "We? There is not going to be a we," He gave me an expression that made it clear there was going to be a we no matter what. "I guess I'm gonna have too ain't I?"

    "Yup," We both laughed.



    The next morning I sat watching the sun set from the top of an old run down business building. I looked over and saw Jake sleeping and snoring, I laughed. But stopped almost instantly not wanting to wake him. For some reason I didn't want to leave him, I was planning on it when I realized I couldn't sleep. But, there was just something about him, something that wouldn't let me leave. I took another glance at him, he looked so peaceful in his sleep, I envied him. Everything was so easy for him, he could live without a care, with nothing holding him back. And then there was me dead and still lost, Lost in death. His aura was so carefree it mad me angry. I could feel myself slipping away, slipping into the dark corners of my mind. The one place I truly was afraid of. As I jumped to my feet, he began to stir. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at me, his gold eyes full of question. His aura seemed to suddenly change from light to dark like day turns to night and I no longer felt an urge to end his life.



    "What are you doing?" He questioned sleepily.



    "Oh... nothing. I was doing nothing," I lied.



    "Umm... then do you mind removing your hands from my throat?" He mumbled awkwardly. I glance down my hands were indeed around his neck ready to strangle him. I quickly threw my hands behind my back.



    "Thanks," He stated quietly. "Today, I was thinking we could go do some research on your friends and family. 'Ya know maybe your killer was someone you knew?" He said nervously.

    "My killer?"

    "Yeah your killer I figure you were killed, and that 'ya know you want some sort of revenge,"

    "Oh?"

    "So, we should go to your school to make sure."

    "Yeah, good idea. But what if I get mad?" I questioned putting extra emphasise on the word mad.

    "Oh, yeah. That might not be such a good idea. But, then again won't they be mourning your, your...death?"



    "Well, I sure hope they are,"I laughed. He didn't join in.



    "I'm serious. I think we should go to your school."



    "I guess if your willing to risk it," I mumbled serious now.

    "What do you mean risk it? If they're mourning you then you should be able to contain yourself," He laughed.



    "Well, I get that, but what if my killers there and 'ya know he's not so sad about me dying."



    "Well then he's dead and well... problem solved." He laughed again. I loved his crooked smile, but not his view on life. He just didn't seem to care if someone other then him died or was hurt. But, if it weren't for his selfishness, I don't believe I would have been able to spare him on that dream-like night.



    "If we go to my school and someone does end up getting hurt. What then? I don't think I can go to jail, if I'm not a live person now," I laughed to myself. My worst nightmare was coming alive. I was forced to live without a soul, to be part of the undead.

    "Well, then I guess we run, I've been aching for some fun." He laughed more excited now.

    "I guess as long as you know what you are getting yourself into?" I questioned hoping to change his mind.

    "Yeah I know, now lets go," he said, getting agitated.

    We arrived at the school about twenty minutes later, I could see many faces I knew even some of those I loved. I felt the urge to throw-up, I couldn't stand the happiness. I knew I had to contain myself though or lives could be lost.

    "Are you Okay?" Jake questioned at the sight of my sour face.

    " I will be soon let's go." I led the way to my friend's hang out spot. As, I rounded the corner a wave of emotion hit me. Worry, sorrow, even hate was mixed in. I saw my best friend Lauren, her head buried in her hands and her long blond hair falling over her face, and Jessica whose face was buried in Lauren shirt. Her brown hair a curly mess. My boyfriend Ian with his head hung low and his green eyes filled with what seemed to be sorrow, and to my disgust my enemy Karen nestled in his arms a look of pure arrogance on her dark face.

    "Wow, you really were a prep school snot weren't you?" Jake commented, I blew him off.

    "Hey do you think they can see me? 'Ya know since I'm dead and all?" I asked no one in particular.

    "I don't know? I expect they probably can, cause I can," Jake answered. "We could find out. Not with your friends but with some random person."

    "Yeah let's go," I stated hurriedly. We then made our way to the streets a few blocks from school. I saw an elderly lady, a younger man and a women with three kids. One of the three children was wondering off he looked about six or seven. I walked up to him from behind. The moment of truth now awaited me. I stepped closer and tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and looked around not seeming to see me.

    "Excuse me ah... do you know where the ah... ice cream parlor is?" What an idiot, I thought to myself. Really who asks a dang six year old for directions.

    "Who...who ah..ah..are you? whe...whe...where ah...are you? wha...what do do ya...you wa...want frrrom me?" He stuttered, then before I could answer, "Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyy...there a ghost who likes ice cream after meeeeeee!" He turned and booked it down the street. I turned around and looked at Jake he was clenching his sides laughing hysterically. I walked over to him.

    "What is so funny?" I questioned.

    "Oh... now that was hilarious! I guess they can't see you!" He laughed out loud. I didn't see what was so funny and had no intentions to find out.



    "Let's go back to the school," I looked at him, still red in the face from laughing, he had tears streaming from his swollen eyes. To look more angry I let my curly mess of hair fall in my face and hide my deep blue eyes.

    We arrived at the school about ten minutes later. School was just about to be let out.

    "So, what should we do? Follow 'em or scare 'em?" Jake laughed again tucking his choppy black bangs, that had an odd dark blue streak in them, behind his ears. He was on my last nerve and I was ready to slit his throat. I probably shouldn't think that though because knowing the new me that could really happen.

    "I'll follow them and meet you back in that one alley," I said seriously. He looked at me finally somewhat serious.

    "Sorry no can do. I'm not letting you go alone," He said trying to sound like some sort of macho man protecting the lady. He couldn't be serious though 'cause I was pretty sure I had a better chance of staying out of trouble then he did.

    "I don't think so, you could be seen. What would you say if they saw you, a grubby teenage boy, following them?" I questioned arrogantly.

    "I won't be seen. I hide from people all the time, out here on the street you can never be sure who might see you. There is no reason for arguing because I'm coming no matter what. Okay?" I had no choice but to let him tag along. I wasn't in any mood to argue I was ticked off, and ready to kill. And those two things were not a good combination.

    We hid in the bushes till the bell rang and we could see my friends exiting the school building. We fell behind to follow them. They were chatting glumly about some history project. My EX-boyfriend and Karen were intertwined in a hug. It made me really angry, how could he just move on so quickly I only died a few days ago. Karen and Ian went the opposite way from Lauren and Jessica.

    "Who should we follow?" I questioned in a whisper. He thought for a moment.

    "Those two," He pointed in Ian and Karen's direction. That made sense I thought. We made our way to the shadowy alley and followed them.

    "Hey I'll talk to you later, I have something I need to take care of," Ian said obviously distracted.

    "Okay, but be sure to call me tonight. I'll be waiting," Karen said sweetly. They broke away and went in separate directions. Jake and I decided to take our chances and follow Ian. He lead us to a dirt road. It seemed to go on for miles before we stopped at a weird clearing. Ian stopped and glanced around suspiciously, we ducked behind a bush and waited for him to continue. A few seconds later he moved forward and bent over behind a thick pile of brush and pulled up a can of gasoline and a box of matches out of his back pocket. Jake and I exchanged glances of horror, what was he planning to do? Hadn't my body been discovered? Was there some sort of clue he was going to burn? His short and stalky figure disappeared into a thicket of trees, we followed. As we got farther in the forest a rotting stench hit me. It smelled like decomposing flesh. I felt the urge to barf and covered my nose and mouth. We found ourselves in a small area and it hit me. I could feel pain, my body ached as I clenched my sides hoping to ease the pain. It didn't help I moved my hands to my stomach expecting it to feel wet and sticky, but It was the same as it had been. My insides felt like they were draining. I fell to my knees, I could hear Jake talking to me, 'Fight it, you know you can do it don't give up on me,' he was saying. My knees failed as I tried to stand, I tried again and stumbled to my feet. My hands dropped to my sides and the pain grew worse. 'You can't hurt me anymore,' I thought. 'You are nothing but a coward, a worthless coward.' I could feel the pain ease a little bit. 'I don't believe you are here, you are just my mind playing tricks,' I continued. My mind, it was just my mind causing me pain I realized. There was never a vision, pain or an enemy it was me, me all along. The pain was no longer there. I opened my eyes, everything was blurry.

    "Are you okay?" Jake whispered. All I could do was nod. "I see your body," he continued. I looked where he was pointing. I also saw my helpless body laying in the brush. Was Ian planning to burn it? Had he killed me? Or was he cleaning up after someone else? I ran forward leaving Jake behind in the bush. Leaning over my body I let out a whimper and Ian glanced in my direction however he just shook his head and went back to opening the gasoline can. My body was covered with blood. Stab marks were everywhere, as if they had been done by someone in a frenzy. A look of pure surprise was plastered on my cold face, which must indicate I knew my killer. I turned away disgusted, how could someone I knew and loved kill me, was I really that bad? Ian strolled forward and began pouring gasoline over my body, he really was going to burn it as though had never really felt anything for me. But, I had spoken to soon as he struck the match on its box I saw a tear stream down his cheek.

    "I'm sorry 'Onni, I love you," He cried as he let the match drop, it went up in flames. Burning my soul, I had the idea I would disappear as soon as the flame had started to consume my body, but no such thing happened. I felt my heart burn, it was like I was being burned from the inside out. I again dropped to my knees and gripped my sides. I let the flames engulf me at first, however I knew if it did I would be leaving. Leaving everyone I loved to try and tie up loose ends. I slowly came to my feet and fought, doing what I had done before, killing the pain. I could somehow feel my eyes that had turned red in the midst of the burning change back to the deep blue they had once been. I looked forward and saw what had once been my body, now a pile of black ashes. The wind picked up and the ashes blew to a nearby stream and drifted away. Kneeling down, I burst into tears, Jake came to kneel beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and softly kissed my cheek.

    "It's alright Onya, everything is gonna be alright." He whispered.

    "No it's not! My body is gone, I can't talk to the police and now Ian's gonna get away with my murder!" I screamed, tears streaming down my flushed cheeks.

    "We'll find a way, I promise," Jake sounded so determined it made me feel a little better, it wasn't helping much though. We walked toward the clearing arm in arm. I could feel the warmth radiating off his skin, it felt nice like someone actually loved me. And for once I was happy and nothing was going to change that.

    Once in the streets again we made our way to a nearby roof and tried to muster a plan. We came up with so many solutions that wouldn't work, we felt nothing would put Ian in jail. That is, until Jake decided to bring up my scaring the little boy to make me laugh, that something actually seemed possible.

    "What if I scared him into confessing? Everybody is scared of ghosts ain't they?" I said excitedly. Jake's face lit up.

    "Well not everybody but, most people are afraid of being chased by guilt,"

    "This is great! I'll follow him everywhere and whisper stuff in his ear like, 'Can you live with the guilt? What about my parents, how do you think they feel?' It's sure to work!" I laughed, as a shiver ran up my spine.

    "Yeah, it will," Jake yawned.

    "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll be fine by myself," He nodded his head and curled up on the cold cement. It took him a whole of thirty seconds to doze off. I watched him for a while, I really could love him, I thought. I didn't want to leave him, though I knew I would have to sooner or later. I just wished I could leave later, but I was dead and I knew the heavens would be calling me. That is unless I got pulled into the horrifying tunnels of Hell. Just thinking about it sent images of blood, pain and evil into my mind. I hoped I would never have to travel those tunnels in my afterlife but considering what I had done things weren't looking too great.

    The next morning we set off to school. It took awhile to find Ian because he was no longer hanging out with Lauren and Jessica. He was with Karen now. They were sitting against an old Oak tree making kissing faces back and fourth. I held my urge to laugh they looked like two sixth graders who didn't know what love really was. I knelt behind him and whispered 'How are you? Having fun with your new ah...girlfriend?'

    "Did you say something?" He asked Karen. She shook her head.

    "No," She said with a giggle.

    'Do you miss me? Do I haunt your dreams?' I questioned quietly.

    "Ah... I have to go I'll talk to you later," He jumped to his feet and ran off. I followed.

    'what's the hurry? Are you scared?' I laughed. He shook his head trying to get my voice out of his head. 'Are you going to Science? Remember we used to sit by each other and text?'

    "What do you want from me?" He whispered, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead.

    'My life,' I stated angrily. 'Turn yourself in or I will haunt you forever, and I don't think you would like that,'

    "I can't go to jail, what about school?" He said selfishly.

    'How do you think I feel? I'll never be able to go to school again, I'm never going to have a life, no kids, husband,jo--'

    "SHUT UP!" He bellowed. Every head in the hallway turned to him. He bent his head and shoved his way through the crowd.

    'Why did you do it? What did I do'

    "You did nothing, I was mad," He said more softly.

    'Made enough to kill? What could make you so mad?'

    "Drugs," he said barely audible.

    'What?' I wanted him to repeat it, to admit his sins.

    "Drugs," he stated again in a low whisper.

    'What? Say it again, please?'

    "DRUGS!" He yelled over everyone. Nobody looked twice this time, thinking he was crazy or something.

    'Why? Were you depressed? Did it make you feel better?

    "Yes," He whispered. 'Which one, or both?'

    "Both," I laughed loudly.

    'What did you have to feel depressed about? You had everything,'

    "Not everything! I didn't have you," He said sadly.

    'What do you mean? You had me wrapped around your finger the whole time,'

    "Physically, yes. Mentally, no. You never wanted me for me, you just wanted the popularity of going out with the hottest guy in school," I didn't answer, I knew it was true. He continued. "I loved you, I really loved you. Did you ever really love me?" I hesitated before answering.

    'No,'  I whispered truthfully. 

    "There you have it, you know why I killed you. All I wanted was for someone to love me back, but you couldn't even do that," A tear slid down his face.

    'I'm sorry, I didn't know.'

    "That's right you didn't know. You had everything you ever wanted, and know you want me to confess?"

    'Yes, I do because I won't be able to have anything, you took everything from me. All I ask is for a little help to move on. If you don't turn yourself in I'll be stuck here forever. Alone and wondering. Lost.'

    "I don't know," he said.

    'Please, they will probably go easy on you if you confess everything.'

    "Really? You think they will?" He asked.

    'I'm sure they will.' I said hopefully.

    Ian arrived at the police station after school about four o'clock. He walked in and to the front desk.

    "I need to talk to the sheriff please?" He said quietly.

    "Why?" The officer behind the counter questioned.

    "Murder, I have a clue on the disappearance of Onya Kenzington,"

    "Go right in then, the third door on the right," He said thankful. Ian made his way to the door that said DEPUTY SHERIFF on it. He knocked three times.

    "Yes? Come in," A man yelled from inside. Ian slowly entered.

    "Yes Boy? Why 're you here?" He said with a southern draw.

    " I murdered Onya Kenzington," He stated trying to keep a straight face and not burst into tears.

    "Right, now why are you really here?"

    "I'm serious, I stabbed and beat her to death. And a few days ago I burned her body and let the wind blow the ashes away." He stated sadly at the memory.

    "Is that right? And why would you turn yourself in?" He asked suspiciously.

    "Guilt,"

    "Oh? And where did you commit this murder?"

    "In that clearing down Bridge Mount Road,"

    "And why did you kill her?"

    "I was taking drugs and couldn't stop myself."

    "I see, we'll check this out. In the mean time we'll keep you here. Okay?" Ian nodded and let a tear slide.

    The next day Jake and I sat on an abandoned rooftop watching the news through the window of an apartment across the street. I laid in his arms warm and safe. On the news was the arrest of Ian Camdon. It was finally over. A wave of sadness hit me though, I had to leave Jake.

    "I love you," He whispered, reading my mind.

    "I love you too. I really am going to miss you. Promise you'll stay out of trouble?"

    "I'll miss you too and I'll try to stay out of trouble." He laughed. I was expecting to see a bright light and have to follow it, but instead I felt a hand reach out to me. I took it in my hand and in my other hand held on tightly to Jake's.

    "I will always remember you," I cried. "I love you and now I must go," he gripped my hand harder.

    "You'll always be in my heart," He whispered and let my hand go. I held tightly to the new warm hand and I let it lift me up to the skies and through the golden gates of Heaven.   

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