Rainy Night

I smirk at the glinting anger of the blade, as it slashes away at the thoughts that bring me down.
I slowly let out a sighing hiss that whispers my pleasure without making another sound.
With each cut my thoughts turn into lighter, happier ones; not as bleak as they were.
I knew they weren't going to last, it never does; of this I am sure.
After 7 hours my new scabs itch, and my thoughts threaten to turn into dark black skies.
Mists of grey start to close in around me, full of horrible masks, fear, hopelessness, and lies.
It's not long until the darkness rips and pulls away all of the happiness, at least it was there for hours.
My eyes start to sting and one lonely tear falls unto my cheek, outside the rain starts to shower.
Lightly at first, until all you can see is the looming darkness of black clouds.
The tears mimic the rain, growing steadily which is just not allowed.
I answer each round of thunder with a hiccoped sob, 'I wish....I could live without it.' I whisper.
I quietly move to the box which holds the bane of my existence, and take out the one thing that always let's me shatter.
Slowly reaching in and grabbing, I lift the silver happiness and turn it to my arm.
The same moment it slices in, the lightening flares and a drop of blood swells and drips unbiden down my forearm.
The tears slowly fade, as does the rain; already feeling myself become sated.
I smile tearfully and wipe the blood away distastefully, and sat down and waited.
When he came into the door he noticed what had happened, and softly whispered my name.
Getting no answer, he softly kneeled down and hugged me close, my soul withered into shame.
Why him, of all people, should have to witness my stupiditty; I will never know.
He picked me up and I slung forward, after all I am now hollow.
'I knew something like this would happen. I'm sorry, I never meant for this to happen', he sighs to himself brokenly.
I whimper, not that he can hear and slowly turn away to look into the heaven that beckons me warmly.
I glare once into the light and turn my back on the sweetness of happiness and smiles.
I slowly follow the man that I will never leave, even if it means pain for a while.