Till Death Do us Part? Part 1

‘Honey… the rules of the contract were quite simple, we do our time down there and up here it’s all to his own… It clearly stated “Till Death Do us Part” ’
‘I do NOT recall signing any contract to that effect!’
‘It was more of a verbal contract… a contract nonetheless though’
‘It still doesn’t make this acceptable… A room… A HAREM full of… of… MEN, you can’t even pretend that they’re eunuchs… I mean, look at that one over there!’
‘They were already here, I just walked in’
‘Oh!!... Of course!! They were “just” here… How convenient of them!!!’

That’s the thing about everlasting love is that you never really count on Heaven; you go on about your life spending it with that special someone who has captured your heart. You wake up every day to their face, their voice and wish these moments to never fade. It seems that you had found each other at last… But they never thought about Heaven… or Hell for that matter.

Robert and Marley had met a long time ago; it was magic from the first time their eyes connected. All the things that movies have taught us about love, all those little cliché moments, and annoying “awww” scenes, all of them have occurred in their relationship… Sometimes they were so sweet walking down the street random strangers would pause to throw up a bit.

Yes it was a true love story, a story that inspired all their friends to mock them most of the time. A love that was strong enough to put them in denial about their quite disgusting display of public affection… I mean seriously, get a room. When all was said and done however, their love was built on passion of epic scales.

It just never had occurred to Marley that when Robert had said he would love her for eternity, that he really and absolutely meant it. It wasn’t because that she loved him any less, or that she didn’t share the same intensity of this passionate love affair, it’s just… well… The church was pretty clear about it and at any rate who really means it when they say “I’ll love you for eternity”?

Now this is a predicament that she never thought she would have to face. Getting into heaven was a surprise by itself. It wasn’t that she was a sinner, but who isn’t really? It’s just she always thought it would take harder work to get into Heaven, and she wasn’t complaining. The fact that Robert is standing in here right now being jealous over their mortal relationship is somewhat… perplexing to say the least.


Robert hadn’t even began to think about how or why he got into Heaven, in fact, it might seem to a casual heavenly observer from the way that he just marched right into the place like he’s been here for years. This is why the Meet and Greet Angels were confused if he was one of the new ones or not from the amount of confidence that exuded out of him as he walked right in… Eventually they decided to let him go, he seemed to know where he was going… He, in fact, did not.

Somehow he managed to find her though, again this is a love so strong that God might have tweaked it a bit too much. It was as if he zoned onto her, like she was the North to his compass… Occasionally he did stop to admire the scenery, and from the looks of things –the unicorns, flying angels, and fountains of rum- he was certain that this was not Earth… He was also certain that the white robe he had on, was not part of his usual attire… All in all, he just wanted to find her, the rest can be figured out later.


‘Listen Robert… can we talk about this later?’
‘Later? If you think I’m leaving you in here alone for a second…’
‘Look we have all eternity to discuss this’
‘Fine then, let’s start discussing!’
‘We’re in heaven for Go… Can we say God’s sake now?’

An angel suddenly appeared in a small white lavender scented puff of rainbow colored smoke, and informed her that yes she can… Later he would find out that this angel was basically like the paper clip animation on MS Word, unfortunately though unlike the animated clip, there was no option to turn that angel off.

‘That was weird’ Robert muttered… it had finally dawned on him, that something about this place was just not… Earth like.

‘We’re in Heaven Baby’ said Marley with a heavy desperate sigh ‘please just focus… I died last year, remember?  You were all sad, and depressed… I remember, I had you on TiVo a few times when I was… err… Busy… just to check up on you every once in a while’

Robert was now completely silent. The entire situation hit him at once. His last day on Earth, the fact that he was now younger, and above all… He’s in Heaven! It all happened so fast he didn’t even realize it… I must’ve died in my sleep, he thought to himself.

An angel suddenly appeared in a small white lavender scented puff of rainbow smoke, and informed him that he had in fact died while attempting to replace a light bulb, despite the fact that he had a bad hip, and was in a retirement home and therefore did not need to do so… It also said it with a very sarcastic smile.

‘This can get quite annoying’ he muttered under his breath
‘What can get annoying? Heaven?’ Marley asked with a confused look
‘That little puff of cloud know it all angel’
‘Back then?’
‘Just now… Didn’t you see him?’
‘Oh no… That’s in private mode, you see if you have a question with your inside voice, then he only appears for you… You know, just in case it’s an embarrassing question or something’
‘I see…’ Said Robert reluctantly, ‘Well it can still get annoying!’
‘I know… Look anyway that’s not the point’
‘You’re right it isn’t! It’s all these naked men, and the blatant cheating on me… I won’t stand for this, Whose in charge here?!!’

Robert marched out in a rage in search for whoever was in charge or at least a customer complaint department… A brochure… anything…

Marley let out a long frustrated sigh… He’s back alright, she thought.