The Mud

The Mud

My tears are forced to the inside
Like the feelings that I have
I hide
Like he forced that thing inside
As he lusted and it busted
And all the while
The inside cries

I want to burst out
Like the tears want to rush out
But I tilt my head up to the sky
And let my tears fall back inside
They are not for the world to see
My feelings are kept deep inside of me
While I try to keep them inside
They keep trying to crawl out of my closed eyes

I want to shine bright but then I see those big eyes
On that beautiful small child
And she reminds me
Of what I had inside
What I have inside
What I want inside
What got sucked outside
My pit forced it all out
All which was nothing after being drowned out
Of the casualty
Of a possibility
Of a part of me
Of a hero
Which made me

The train tracks rattle
The ground shakes
As the train rushes through
And huffs the thrust of wind against my being
Trying to break me
I am shaken but I do not fall
I still try my best to stand tall
Lost years of love and sharing
Remain above and caring

Yet still feelings of being lost remain
Feelings of being forgotten are instilled
Feelings of being ignored
Of being neglected
Of neglecting
Of respect
And respecting
My life
And his or hers
And ours
And I’m so confused

Can’t get upset about one because then I’m upset about the other
And they are all concatenated
Interlocked
Wound up inside
Braided like dreads
I’m working for the best
Writing for the release of all this stress
I keep inside
My closed crying eyes
Beating red, fighting the light
Struggling for that better life
Where there is no strife
No separation
No damnation
No segregation
No brain-washing
No indoctrination
No leaving
Bereaving
No reason to be fighting
No more grieving
No more broken hearted
No more Deceitful, hypocritical, two-faced fools
No more martyrdom

Inside me lives this love
So much inside
So much more inside
I wish it would explode from my center
Out from my character to the universe
Through you
To him
Through him
To her
Through her
To them
And them
Back to me
To spread the fission of heavy nuclei of university, unity and peace
The atomic bomb shall uncontrollably release this beautiful radiant energy
Sustaining a rapid chain reaction
To and through all beings
Unconditionally

Although there is all this inside of me
There still lies this still born feeling in and outside of me
Take over my being on occasion temporarily
Leaving me to remember
To contemplate
With no regrets
For I am where I am and who I am
Because of where I have been

But have no regrets
Only lessons learned
Dreams shattered and made

So I tilt my head up to the sky
And sometimes it cries with me
Gravity from the core of this planet
Brings my tears back inside like it brings the rain down to the dirt

The inside cries

And the mud comes into a bud
and blossoms with beauty




Written by:  Danielle Keen  2.11.09