An almost explination of love

If she could just fade away, maybe he would be happy. When her voice gets quieter and smaller, when her scent fades and when her body dissolves into oblivion, wouldn’t he be happy?

A million things ran through her head. A million feelings and thoughts, a million images and sounds. They all revolved around one thing, the thing that broke her. Mind you, she was a strong girl, and she had been through hell. People hurting her, physically and emotionally. People leaving her or using her. She had seen it all. And when he found her, she was strong—despite everything. And she saw that he was strong. They could have been strong together couldn’t they?

But he left her standing there broken. He made sure that he had taken more from her than anybody else ever had—more than anybody else ever could. He took her strength and she was stuck and lost. Everything started to fall apart. Her friends left, they couldn’t hold her up. Her family left, they didn’t understand. They expected her to pick herself up. She expected the same—but she couldn’t. She thought it funny that just one person could break her down. She found it pathetic that she couldn’t let go. She knew it was stupid that she dragged her friends into it.

Regret The first thought when one hears this word—she made a mistake. In reality—her reality—this was beyond mistake. There was no word to describe. First, she hurt him, then friend after friend after family member. She saw the whole situation differently than many others—her own view obscured and clear.

A confusing concept one might say—that a view of something could be obscured and clear at the same time. An explanation—the future was obscured, as was normal, and the past and present was crystal clear, aside from his emotions and feelings that she could barely comprehend.

She’s one who likes to see everything—to know everything. She thought she could think about it and it would become clear. But things were missing. Something didn’t feel right. A missing puzzle piece.

The corners were in place, and the outside border in place. A square on the floor. It only took a few months to place most of the inside pieces in the puzzle. But when she got up she realized that the puzzle was only the corner piece of a much bigger puzzle. You only get little windows into the larger picture.

And how she longed for those little windows. With each new piece—a window—she felt closer to him. And with each new piece she felt she was closer to seeing the bigger picture.

Realization She would never see the whole picture. He held many of the critical pieces in his hand, his heart. And to take those from him—to take from his heart—he would die. It’s not a simple thing—to live with missing parts of your heart, both metaphorically and literally.

Utter confusion All sides of the four dimensional problem. Confused. And if you’re still following me, perhaps you would like to join in on this confusion. It’s something that many like to label. Something that tends to be overused, paid for, abused. It’s something called…

Love She loved him. Even as he broke her and even as he left her, she loved him. Such a funny thing. One could simply break your very existence in half and yet your feelings remain the same. And you hold no grudges and you take the blame upon yourself.

Blame We all love to blame others. For your problems, for their problems, for made up, delusional problems. Never take the blame until you have something to protect. Him. To protect him. Take his blame and mix it with your own—a crossbreed. The child of a broken relationship. The tale for generations to pass along. A tale for the heartbroken.