scream

basically, im tired of moving from house to house. im sick of all these guys thinking that they can have me. when the truth is they never will. not a single one of them. why? well im glad you asked. the answer is simple. the answer is slapping you in the face. the answer, is driving a nail into your skull with a rock. the answer is watching the blood drip down your face while laughing hysterically. actually, the answer is: i do not want these men that want me, because they are only trying to take advantage of my vulnerability. they are saying: yes amanda, i'll help you. no strings, no pressure, no demands, no problem. when the reality of the situation is this: the strings, are there. and they are slowly being wrapped around my neck. the pressure is too much to bare. how can i be nice to these guys, smile at them and be around them knowing that they are only offering to help because they want sex? the demands arent always blunt, but they are there. i promise. through jokes and hints and blank stares. the demands are there. through gestures.... fuck you. all of you. every single horny stupid son of a bitch that expects more then you will ever get.fuck you. im not a whore. no way, not by a landslide bucko.... yeah, i've had a spring fling or two but the majority of my sexual encounters were heart felt experiences with men that i was in a relationship with. so... no i wont hold your hand. no i wont kiss your cheek, or your mouth, or your dick. no i wont suck you or fuck you. im sorry. no wait, im NOT sorry. i do not feel bad for standing up for myself. i dont care who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, or how good you are in bed. i dont care. if you have a cock, and i talk to you. it does not mean that im going to fuck you. sorry if i gave you the wrong idea by saying, "hello" or "you are my friend" or "how was your day" or even just... "thank you" i dont care what you've been told, or what you think you've seen. believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. because i promise you. there is a huge case of mistaken identity going on.... i forgot who i was, and i let stupid fucking people degrade me and make me feel like nothing. but not anymore. i will not be disrespected. for two reasons. one-im done wasting my time on ignorant fucks. two-imdone being nice. if you try me, i wont forget it. and as soon as im in a position to do so, i wont let you forget it either. ::kisses::