LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE

CHAPTER 1


I used to wonder how could a person even conceive the fact that they would never get out of prison. I used to say they would have to kill me before I served life. I mean what would you do if someone told you, "for the rest of your natural life, you were remanded to the Department of Correction?" Me, I flipped the fuck out! I mean I knew before I even got to sentencing that's what they were going to do. My mama thought I should've took the plea, but I did'nt even know how many years 345 months was. I mean I can count and all, but ever time I went to add it up I always got sick and had to vomit, so I just took it as a sign that I should'nt be messin around with the public pretender, the district attorney or they're fucked up plea bargin. So I told'em to shove it up both their asses.

It's just when the words came out of the Judge's mouth, "I remand you to the Department of Corrections, for the rest of your natural life, with no possibility of parole," I just lost it. When the last word rolled over his lips, it was like 31 years of rage just exploded simultaneously. I did'nt blackout, but for the life of me I don't remember flipping the table. I do remember seeing it out the corner of my eye crash into the bailiff standing by the right exit door. The bailiff standing standing behind me should've backed up, then again, who knew I would react the way I did. I turned around with the force of an F5 torando and tried to take his head off. I meant to hit him with my knuckles, instead I caught him with the cuff that was clamped to my wrist. Blood instantly shot from his head like a fire hydrant. Sheriff deputies rushed over and tried using stun guns on me, after few seconds they realized it was'nt working so they began beating me with billyclubs until I passed out.

I woke up three days later, paralyzed from the pain that shot through my entire body. It took what seemed lilke hours for me to open my eyes, so I could only imagine that they were swollen shut. I laid motionless for the simple fact every inch of my body ached even if I thought about moving. It was unusually quite for the county jail, the only nosie I remember hearing was what sounded like the airconditioning unit blowing arctic air. As time passed I slowly began to peak through my swollen eyelids. It was dark, so only a tiny sliver of light crept in from underneath the door and even that was a blurr. I kept looking for the slender window that was ususally in the door, the more I looked the more frustrated I became as my eyes strained. It was still an agonizing thought to move. I just figured that they put my ass under the jail, until the D.O.C. came to get me for showing out in court. If it did'nt hurt so much I would've cracked half a smile remembering the look on the D.A.'s face when that table smashed into the bailiff.

I heard the door opening, followed by a bright light that seemed to burn a hole straight through to the back of my head, even though my eyes closed automatically. Blinded by the light but not deaf I heard my name thunder through the air. If my eyes needed to adjust to the light, my ears needed to be turned down a volume or two, because every syllable seemed to cause an eruption of pain that penetrated deep into the bone of my entire body. Another shockwave came in the form of, "CHOW", I quickly mustered out an, "Alright", before there was an explosion I assumed was the door slammng. I remained motionless knowing that I was in no condition to move let alone eat anything. My mind began to race because now things were not starting to add up. First, I did'nt see the window on the door, now the door slamming shut. I had spent enough time in the county jail to know, that the doors opened and closed by hydraulics, so they never slammed shut.

My heart began pounding so loud I could hear it through my chest. Something was'nt right, I could feel it, besides it's never this dark even in the hole. Fear wrapped around me so tight that it was claustrophobic, breathing became a constant struggle. My mind was being pulled in a million different directions at once, it just did'nt make sense, even the guards voice did'nt sound familiar. I knew there had to be some logical explanation for what was going on besides, I know I got the shit beat out of me so my mind had to be playing tricks on me. Impatiently streching my legs one at a time until the throbbbing sensation in my legs seem to turn numb, almost like a thousand needles were being stuck on my legs at once.

I made an effort to familiarize myself with my surroundings I cautiously turned my head to the right in the direction of the door in an attempt to catch a glimpse of some recognizable object in the room. I took one huge swallow of saliva that had collected in my mouth, preparing for hte unbearable pain I knew was just seconds away. To my amazement outside of the obvious tension in my neck, the pain was rather minute compared to what I had endured earlier, my eyes eased open. Everything was still rather blurry and pitch black, except for the light that slid underneath the door. Straining to regain my vision for a few seconds more, this unknown environment slowly began to clear. I noticed in the corner was a shiny metal toilet with a sink buillt inot the top of it.

One thing did strike me as odd, I didn't notice the metal desk that is usually fixed to the center of the wall. Feeling relaxed enough, I turned my head to the left in order to finish observing the room. As my eyes reached the centerof the ceiling I could see that there was no night light that's always there, so that the guards could see you without coming into your cell during count time. Continuing to rotate my head a blast of pain struck like a lighting bolt down the center of my back. My eyes seemed to be blinded by the brightest light I've ever seen and closing them only intensified the brightness and also the pain that was associated with it. Instantly I assumed that my neck or back had been broken, because my pain tolerance I thought had always been rather high, but the pain was ten times more excruciating than anything I had ever been through in my life.

The pain was so unbearable that I could feel myself losing consciousness. I felt light headed and short of breath at the same time, once again I could feel my heart rate quicken. Then just as suddenly as it had came, the pain began to subside and my body became relaxed. Then there was nothing, no pounding heart beat, no light headedness, no pain, just silence. With my eyes wide open all I could see was darkness then fear engulfed me with the unexpected swiftness of a strike from a hidden rattle snake with no rattle. For a few moments panic became my only refuge. Skowly the darkness gave way to light and I could hear familiar sounds like the laughter of several childeren.

Anxiously I struggled to make out the shadows that were steadily becoming clearer. As the panic and fear drifted to the back of my mind I was relieved to recognize my eldest son Domonique, playing football in the front yard. Almost as a reflex I scanned the rest of the yard and found my youngest son Davon on the receiving end of the football. There was a slight easterly breeze with the sun directly over head so I figured it had to be about noon as I just inside the front screen door, trying to figure out if I had just dreamed what had happened or was this the dream. Standing there in an obvious trance I was snapped out of it only when I heard Domonique yell out, "Daddy, wacth this!" as he heaved the football about fifteen yards past Davon. Still speechless I just smiled from ear to ear.

Summoning every ounce of strength inside of me I finally replied, "You can't just stand there Davon, you gotta run to the ball and catch it!" He smiled a mile long and said, "I know but Dink (that's Domonique's nickname) can throw real fast." Domonique just smiled. After watching them throw the football around for a few more minutes I asked, "Where's your sister?" Davon without hesitation said, "Over there", pointing to the driveway. Not more than a second later I heard Nashell say, "I'm over here", walking from around the corner of the garage holding one of her dolls and a brush she got from the upstairs bathroom. As soon as she reached the door I opened it and snatched her up hugging her as if I had'nt seen her in years. Instinctively she asked, "What's the matter," as if she could tell I was more than just confused but, I just replied, "Does something have to be wrong for me to get a hug?" She smiled a smile so beautiful, that would make any father's heart melt and said, "NO."

Suddenly, if I were spiderman I would say that my spider senses were going off, because something was'nt right. I quickly turned my head to the right with such speed that it should have caused instant whiplash. Startled, I instantaneously backed up against the door amazed at the figure standing before me. Astonished, I could'nt believe my eyes, with an inexplicable radiance illuminating from her whole body, as if an angel from God had descended upon the earth, was my highschool sweetheart and wife of ten years.

From the first day that I saw Ranette in the tenth grade at South High, I knew we were destined to be together. Even though we were total opposites from the beginning. I rarely came to school, usually spending my days on the block selling drugs. When I did go to school I was so high off some fire weed, all I did was crack jokes. Ranette on the other hand was without doubt college bound. She had been an honor roll student since the third grade, in the tenth grade she already had academic scholarship offers from Langston, Georgetown, and Howard University. As if that was'nt enough, USC offered her a full ride if she agreed to play basketball for them. Even back then, on top of being athletic and intelligent, she was sexy as hell. At 5'11 with shoulder length hair that she usually wore french braided straight back, and a delicious dark chocolate complexion that was completely blemish free, except for the oval shaped birthmark on her lower back.

What got me out the gate, was how thick she was. Guess I've always been a sucker for tall thick women. Not an once of fat on her entire body, except for her ass, oh my God! Often I had to stop myself from staring, because she possessed the most mesmerizing eyes. From head to toe Ranette had a body that was bangin and I was a hundred percent confident the first time I saw her that she would be mine. Fourteen years later, standing less than three feet away in the hallway of our modest four bedrrom bi-level duplex was Ranette, with love in her eyes smiling, steadily walking closer as she playfully asked, "well can I getta hug too?"

Nashell immediately streched out her arms and rotated her lips to the side as though implying, 'what do you think'. With a voice full of childish innocence simply stated, "of course you can mama". Standing in the doorway with my daughter in my arms and my wife's arms around me and Nashell at the same time, the smell of White Diamonds lingering between us. In a tender glance she whispered to Nashell, "I love you". Nashell just giggled and did her best to whisper back, "I love you too".

Compassionately diverting her hypnotic eyes back in my direction Ranette said in her soft sexy bedroom voice, "and I love you too Mr. Domonique LeAndre Erwin". Genuine sincerity was evident as she uttered those words, plus she knew I always adored the way she pronounced my name. Every syllable seem to burst from her lips in perfect harmony. Simply letting the events from court subside to the back of my mind, and the undeniable fact that I woke up in an alien cell battered and bruised, I chose to relish the moment, with admiration I just smiled. I took one deep breath then exhailed and said, "I love you too", without saying a word.

Through the silence she focused on my lips and understood exactly what I was saying. The same way I was physically attracted to every curve on her body, she was just as fascinated with my plump make you wanna kiss'em lips, as she put it. While I never quite understood why she always said just looking at my lips was enough to turn her own. I guess loves works that way sometimes. She leaned in for a semi passionate kiss, I knew I would'nt get it like I wanted to because Nashell was still in my arms. Just an instant peck from those juicey lips of hers was enough to make me want more. As she drew within inches of my mouth, Nashell squeaked, "Dink, Davon they're doing it again. Out the corner of my eye I could see that they had already been standing at the door with their faces pressed against the screen, now starting to giggle.

Preparing for a moment of temporary pleasure I just let my eyelids relax shut. Just as her moist succculent lips pressed against mine, the most horrific feeling began to instantly accumulate inside the pit of my stomach. I quickly popped open my eyes, blinded and petrified by the cold still darkness. My heart raced side by side with my mind, slightly shivering as tiny beads of sweat slide off of my forehead down the left side of my face, onto an uncovered plastic pillow.

Laying motionless recounting my most recent vivid dream of a life not long since vanished. Realizing the pain in my neck, no longer felt as agonizing as it did before I lost consciousness. The only pain that did persist, was the nummbing feeeling in both my legs. Even that felt less intense. Taking one deep breath I managed to pull myself up to my right elbow, pausing for a few seconds because I felt light headed. After the light headedness seem to fade away I kicked my right leg over the steel rack, then shoved my left leg over until I found myself in a sitting position. I was still discombobulated as to my whereabouts and unable to see except for the light that slide in from under the door. Reaching for my head with my left hand, I found what felt like a masssive bandage around my entire head. As I slide my hand down across my face, I could tell that there was'nt much left that had'nt swollen up. Both my lips were split open, even my hands were stiff and puffy.

Still shivering I looked down and realized why, except for a pair of boxers, I was basically naked. letting my hands slowly glide down my throat then my chest onto my ribs. That's when a sharp pain caused me to wanna jump right outta my skin. "Aint this a bitch!" I thought, feeling the cloth that surrounded my stomach. "These muthafuckas broke my ribs!"

Sitting straight up I began to wiggle my toes, legs, fingers, arms and even rotated my neck to find out if any thing else on my body had been severly injured. The only thing I noticed as I tried to find some kind of moisture in my desert baked mouth, was the void between my gums that I never knew existed until now. When I attempted to suck on my teeth I shouted, "WHUT THE FUCK!" Then I was just stunned that they knocked out six of my teeth. All I could do was fill up with rage.

Squinting my eyes I noticed for the first time how bright the light from under the door really was, I stood up tring to maintain my balance as the dizzyness came swarming back. Holding my arms straight out, I found the wall one step at a time. Making my way to the light on the floor, once I reached it I paused tring once again to regain my equilibrium. After a few seconds I let out a silent, "hey." Quickly clearing my throat because I knew not a single sound left my mouth. When I was sure that my vocal cords were on my side again, I blurted out, "Is anybody out there!" Balling my hands attempting to make a fist, the collision of swollen flesh to the steel door barely made a sound. The instant pain shot through my hands and arms so fast, I thought I had been hit by a lighting bolt.

Gritting my teeth while at the same time letting out an agonizing groan, I decieded that pounding on the door was not the way to get attention. As my hand and arm pulsated like a drum beat, I yelled out once more to attract any kind of atttention, "Hey, is anybody out there? Lemme outta here!" Then kicked the door four thunderous times, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I only stopped figuring that my foot would have the same electrifying aftermath as my hands and arms. It did'nt feel good kicking the door bare footed, but there was relatively no pain. Aware of this I started up again, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Biting my lip I temporarily loss control of myself, kicking the door like a madman. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I felt a little relief from the anger and rage that had recently festered inside me. I kicked at the door for what seemed like five minutes.

I would have continued if my barefoot had'nt started to ware down behind the inpenetrable steel door. I knew pounding away at the door would'nt get positive results, at most it would piss somebody the hell off. That was would've been good enough for me, then at least I colud possibly get some questions answered about where I was and why I did'nt have any clothes on.

Making a quarter turn back to the right I held out my hand until I found the rack with the inch thick matteress pad that was supposed to be my bed. Plopping down I propped myself up against the cold conce