The Mixed Tape

This is my very last chance to get it right. This is my last chance to undo all the wrong these past few months have caused to us. All the pain and tears we have been going through. Hopefully that maybe, just maybe this small token that represents the undying love I have for him, will show him that we can get past this.

I click onto the playlist I had marked for this occasion; I knew it would be coming at sometime. Over time, our demise had seemed so definite I had to emotionally prepare myself for its arrival. I scanned all the songs I had put on here so long ago. All songs I would have put if it happened yesterday. A small smile curled at the edge of my lips as I pulled out one of my many silver blank CDs and popped it into the computer. Clicking the ‘Burn’ bottom had never been so tempting.

Two minutes until complete.

Two minutes to replay everything that went wrong with us in my mind. Like a movie i hate yet continue to watch.

“Jamie, I love you, please this is for the best,” he pleaded to me as he edged nearer to me. I wasn’t comprehending what he was saying to me anymore. I was just staring at his room, trying to remember every detail of it. It was like my safety mode, If I don’t think about it, it’s not real.
He had dark blue walls. A toy box at the far left corner of the room. I wondered what was in it…
“Jamie, please I don’t want to lose you, but you’ll be happier in the long run.”
I laughed without humor. ‘I’ll be happier?’ Can he predict the future? Tell me what I’m gonna get on my Geometry test while you’re at it.
Opps I’m thinking about it…he has red couch which we both are sitting on.
“Jamie…” he puts his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. We both knew this was coming. After going to different schools for so long, living completely different lives than before..it was only a matter of time. But that didn’t change the sting my heart was feeling with every knife he threw at my heart.
I peaked my eyes out from the hair that was covering my expressionless face and looked into his eyes. His beautiful brown puppy dog eyes I feel in love with everytime I looked into them.
“Don’t do this..” I pleaded as I voice started cracking and the tears finally started spilling over my eyes. I yanked my hand out of his warm grasp and covered my face. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry.
“Jamie…” he said, his tone softening as his wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry…”

“BURNING COMPLETE,” my computer screen read. I shook the memories out of my head and place the CD into my bag. Now all I had to worry about was how fast my feet would take me to my haven.

I don’t think I’ve ever ran as fast I was now. He lived only a few blocks away from me, even less if I cut through the elementary school, which I was. But walking wasn’t fast enough. And stopping wasn’t an option. My legs felt like jelly when I finally got to his door. I leaned against it and panted for awhile knowing what was to come next. I pulled out a folded piece of paper from my bag and the mixed tape. Gently, I placed them on the door mat and knocked on the door.

If someone had shot a bullet next to me after I had ran from his door, I would have won. I stopped at the edge of the building, hiding behind a corner I knew he’d never see me in. He opened the door and looked around perplexed. I waited in horror for a few seconds thinking he wouldn’t see the CD. But, to my immense relief he looked down and spotted it. He grabbed in and opened the note. I knew that he would know the author of it the second he saw the handwriting.

Brendon,
Just listen.

Love, Jamie

A smile spread across his handsome face as he walked back into the house.

And a call later that night confirmed he had listened. Listened to words that were so woven to how I felt, it was as if I had written them myself.