An Elevator Pitch(!)

Dear Friend,

I have to talk to you openly and I hope you will understand what I am about to tell you. This is coming straight from my heart. I love my job and I love that you find me useful. I am proud that by using my service, you are able to rest your tired legs and swoosh up and down effortlessly. Your wish has always been my command and I am willing to oblige you again and again.

But you should also know some things about me. I am smart. My creator used years of complex research and programming genius to make me efficient. He then tested me multiple times under various extenuating situations and duress. I passed all his examinations in the top 99th percentile. I would not be here if I had not. Especially because your company’s performance expectations and standards are very high and you do not like anything that is second best – I qualified, believe me, on top of my batch.

Therefore when I tell you I don’t need to be punched more than once you have to trust me. I am very sensitive; I understand and respond the minute you touch me, even lightly. You just have to be patient and wait for me to get started. And you don’t need to climb aboard and keep holding down my ‘close’ button – I will close, I promise you; I know I have to. I am trained and tested. If I am a little slow, it is only because my creator designed me that way with a sense of caution. He ensured that I don’t slam the door so quickly that someone else trying to squeeze through may get hurt. And there is always someone that has just arrived by my doors. Even you should know that. Don’t you think we owe them the courtesy?

I have also noticed that you are very impatient – you stand in the lobby on the ground floor and you see several other people there waiting for me; you know that someone has already called for me because I indicate with my bright light that I have heard the call. But you are not happy; you have to jab me again. Now, why do you do that? I don’t play favorites – I respond to everyone. Remember I don’t get a moment’s rest – I keep at it continuously, up and down, up and down. It does take me a few minutes to come down or go up the floors – even if is just one. And after all I am not amusing myself doing that – I am only helping another like you. Can you please be a little more patient?

I am falling sick very often these days, but it is only because of all this jabbing and poking. And each time I have to wait for my fixer upper doctor to arrive. And the more sick leave I take, the more inconvenience I cause you. Can you try to understand and let me be? There is one more thing. If you see anyone else – colleagues, vendors, pantry boys, housekeeping staff - hurting me this way, can you please tell them to stop? Will you be my friend?

For all my peers on campus,

Elevator 1,