Work Distractions

'Sorry to get you off your work, but can I have a word with you in my office'. My manager startles me and I hurry to shut down my computer screen, open to an internet page where i'm googling my life away.
'yeah sure', I shudder comically to myself at how close she was to catching me NOT doing work. I grab a pen and notepad knowing that she'll ask a million things of me and I follow her to her office.

She sits down and as is routine, begins with her apologising for her absences and regurgitating her enormous workload, as if I care. People always do that, tell you how bad they have it so that you feel sorry for them, then everything they say after that leaves you feeling a little more apologetic than normal. She began moving around her office smoothly and fluidly as she sifts through papers and files as if looking for something. I know its all part of her act. She's trying to make me THINK she's weighed down with work and is having ahard time locating anything. SIFTING THROUGH SOME GODDAM PAPERS WONT MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT, I grunt internally.

'Would you be able to...' she begins, and I habitually take down the points, call this person, ask for an invoice, fax over this form to this company, order quotes from these people, call back this person, file this, email that, fix this, fix that, heal the goddam freaking world while your at it...I'm not your bloody personal assistant..though she'd like me to be.

I wait for my que to exit once she's finished piling her crap onto me, I smile mechanically and say sure no problem.
'Thanks, darl, your a champ' she replies, and turns back to her computer.

I sit down and under the pretense of completing her list, I begin with the easiest task. I call nine different people asking for quotes, checking information on the database, requesting documents for other agencies, or else simply returning a call. It's pretty dreary work, but someones got to do it. Apparently, that someone is me.

That afternoon after completing her list, which took the whole morning up till after lunch, I looked around my desk at the huge amount of work that I could potentially get done. I still had four hours before knock-off time and I could get a heap done by then. I quickly think through the pro's and con's of doing this work as apposed to doing nothing. Doing nothing wins by a landmark.

I look out the window into the dull grey cloudy sky, I can hear the clicking of keyboards and the mutter of customers over the headpieces arguing angrily, while my colleagues, mmmm's and ahhh's at the right moments. The office is now decorated with tinsel and a christmas tree. The decoration's hang overhead, and each time I walk past them I'm compelled to rip them down, just for the fun of it. I don't though because even though no one will know it was me who did it, I would know I did it, and I'd probably laugh shiftily everytime I hear someone trying to work out who attacked the tinsel. That would definitely give me away.

At least I didn't need to go down to any stupid cafe and wait in a dumbass line to get my lunch, today I was one of that sad bunch who brought their left over dinner for lunch. That always makes me laugh you know, people who bring their dinner for lunch, I don't know why, but its just funny. I mean it's great that they are not wasting food an all, but still it's freaking hilarous to watch them scoff down food that probably tastes worse off now then it did the day before. I'm not prejudice or bias either you know, or I think hypocrite is the word I'm looking for here, I actually laughed at myself too when I had lunch today. There I was sitting eating my risotto and laughing to my goddam self thinking what a idiot I must look like eating stupid leftovers.

I'm glad today is friday too, dammit I can't wait for the weekend, mostly because I get to sleep in and I'm soo tired every Friday because I always manage to stay out late on Thursday nights. It's a habit you know, I think because I KNOW that the weekend is coming, I get a bit carried away and decide what the hell I can stay out late, only one day of work till I can sleep in again, but the problem is, come Friday I don't do any work cause I'm so damn tired. It's a problem really, when you think about it. 

I see my manager heading towards the desk behind mine, having a clear shot of my computer monitor. I know if she turns around she will see me doing nothing, surfing the web again, so I flick to my safety screen, which in my case is a report that I completed about 2 months ago. I have it open and ready at the bottom of the screen in case of emergencies like this, I just shoot the page up and begin like I’m reading, then I retype a small paragraph of the information and then when she leaves I delete it. It’s fool proof really, amazingly ingenious. That’s why I laugh whenever she comes to my desk apologising for interrupting my work. I mean I don’t laugh to her face but still I’m laughing raucously on the inside, especially because when she says it, I have this face on that’s like so sincere. It's like ‘oh it’s ok, don’t worry about it’ and she buys into it like a Christmas sale.

I continue surfing the net, checking my mail, and my facebook. I mean what idiot these days doesn’t have a facebook, it’s quite sad actually that we all got dragged into this facebook era crap, and funny as hell also. We never like to admit that we are part of the problem, but then we go and join a social networking site that has absolutely nothing social about it, I mean looking at a person's updated pictures and poking them occassionally doesn’t count for actually seeing them in person. The problem with these supposed social networking sites is they forget about the social part. Its pure genius when you think about it. Mark Zuckerberg is a freaking genius if you ask me, and he’s cute too, but he probably only became cute after he became a millionare, that’s how these things usually work. Either way the façade is really ingenious. I like that word ingenious too, it’s like a trick word or something, like it means resourceful and stuff but when you look at it quickly or say it real quick it’s almost like your saying the opposite of genius, even though the word ungenious doesn’t exist, it’s still pretty funny.

Anyway I killed a good amount of time thinking this crap up as I searching the web. Productivity, 10. I mean I'm not bragging or nothing but I got through like 10 different sites in like an hour, and I actually took my time to look through them, that's real productivity if you ask me. Resourcefulness, 10. Ask me anything and I can tell you where to find it, that how resourceful I am. I mean you want to know about, the weather in a certain country, news in a certain place, or the latest movie blockbuster earnings and I can tell you. Two words. Google it.

I would also like to add a quick note to say that in the true spirit of not doing work, this entire story, monologue, composition, I'm actually not sure what to call it, but anyway, it was wholly drafted, created, modified, edited, edited again and completed at my desk, where I should have been working.

I sincerely hope that you have read this during a moment in your life when you should have been working, or cooking, or picking up the kids, or studying for an exam. That way you can truly embrace it's meaning.