Roady

“I’m sorry Mr. McHenry. I just don’t think you are what we are looking for.”

“Jeb. Please call me Jeb little missy.”

“Okay then, Jeb. I’m sorry but thanks for coming in just the same.”

“Hold on there now. You didn’t even give me a chance to go through my qualifications. I have a lot of experience. There’s a thing or two I could teach you about the trade.”

“Mr. uh … I mean Jeb, you do realize that we are looking for roadies don’t you? I mean, there is a lot of physical work to the job. The hours are brutal and the travel, well, it’s non-stop when the group goes on tour.”

“Like I said Missy, I have years and years of experience as a roady.”

“I don’t doubt that Jeb. It’s just that you may be a little too old for the position. You have to be at least eighty.”

“Eighty! I knew those last three years of touring with Aerosmith took their toll. The women, the booze not to mention that Tyler boy’s need to play Trivia Pursuit at all hours of the night; it must have added a few years to my appearance.”

“Well then how old are you?”

“Seventy-nine, well, maybe eighty; you could be right. My memory isn’t what it once was.”

“Jeb, don’t you think you ought to settle down, maybe retire?”

“Can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“The wife drives me nuts. Always has. It all started with that Paul Anka gig back in ’55. She was after autographs and accusing me of chasing groupies and such. I tell you there was no end to it. Nope, it’s a life on the road for me.”

“Jeb, when was the last time you actually toured?”

“Back in the seventies, but don’t tell my wife that. I mostly hide out in the barn and she just assumes I’m off with some band.”

“Well a lot has changed during the last few years. Most roadies now are very computer savvy. It takes a lot of high-tech skills to put on a modern show.”

“High-tech, high-smek. All a roady really needs is a strong back and the ability to work after consuming huge quantities of alcohol and mind altering drugs. All artists understand that mind altering substances are the basic building blocks of creativity. How do you think Pat Boone keeps coming out with hit after hit?”

“Who is Pat Boone?”

“Girly, you have got to get with it. He could really rock the house with songs like April Love. That kind of talent has got to come from someplace. He was the first to get up on stage and chant “Sex, Drugs and Pop Music.” I bet you didn’t know that now did you.”

“News to me Jeb. Listen, I will keep your resume on hand, just in case someone like Perry Como decides to tour again. How about that.”

“That would be great. That Perry really knows how to bring it.”

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