Awkwardness on the Morning After: C.2

         We woke up devastatingly early, something like 9am, which is ridiculous if you've been up till 5am. Especially if you've been up until 5am drinking tequila and fucking like two deranged animals. We were both dehydrated and feeling like we had been rung out like a wet washcloth and little men were working with jackhammers in our heads. There was a palpable uneasiness in the air as we got up from under the safety of the covers and got dressed in silence. We were both avoiding actually looking at each other until we were fully dressed, and then he broke the silence.

         "Soooo, what is this?" he asked with a nervous and tense tone while he was buckling his brown leather belt. I could almost feel him holding his breath.
         
         I finally got the courage to look right at him for the first time all morning. His hair was all sticking up on one side and I almost laughed. "What Us? Well, I'm not really sure. I just broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I'm still getting over it. All of his stuff is still here and I just don't know where to go from this point," I told him while putting on my plain white socks and ever so slightly shaking my head, trying to hide the smile that his bed head was provoking from me. 

         "Well, can I see you again? Maybe you could come to my place when you get home from work tonight?" he cautiously asked as he walked a little closer to me.

         "I suppose I could come over for a while. It won't be until midnight or so though," hoping that the late hour would get him to change his mind. I was beginning to become horrified that I had just had sex with a person I hardly knew and hand no idea how to handle the situation.

         "That's great! Bring a movie, we can hang out and listen to music too."

         "Alright. That sounds like fun,” I agreed in an almost Mary-like chipper tone but I was mortified. Words were just spilling out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them. I wasn't even thinking before I responded to him. Everything I said just fell out of my mouth in an  instinctive sort of way.
         
         It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, I was just nervous. I had never planned on actually meeting someone so soon. Hell, I was still in mourning of my past relationship that had only ended a week earlier. There was just something about Jack, a captivating energy around him that I couldn't resist, and the fact that he seem confident yet timid was the icing on the cake. It made me feel powerful.

         After we dressed we meandered past my couch sleeping guest into the kitchen where there were beams of sun shining in the otherwise dark apartment illuminating flecks of dust. I poured us each a glass of ice cold water which quenched my parched and scratchy throat. Couch sleeper woke up, looked at the clock, apologized and left. We were alone again. Couch sleeper was a buffer and I was sad to see him go. Without couch sleeper there I actually had to face my actions and talk to Jack some more. All I really wanted to do was retreat into a hot bath tub, scrub off all the ick that accumulates on your body after a night like that and hibernate in bed until I had to go to work at my hotel job, which was 3-11.

         “Do you need a ride home?” I asked, trying to get him out of my apartment as quickly as possible so I could digest everything that had just happened and feel clean again.

         He looked at me like this was the most stupid question he had ever heard, “Don’t you remember that I drove your car here from the bar? We came here together because my car is in impound. I would love a ride but I guess I could take a cab.”

         “Oh yeah, that’s right. I totally forgot that I let you drive my car last night! Of course I‘ll drive you home, that‘s why I asked,” and we both laughed a little.

         He clutched my hand as we walked out the front door of the two story white brick building into the blinding sun that was reflecting off of the snow. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, deceptively warm looking. It was actually somewhere around a wretched ten degrees below zero, which was typical North Dakota winter. My small green Saturn was freezing and started with an unsettling gurgle. My fingers were becoming stiff from the cold and I could still see my breath.

         “I think we need to let it warm up a little before we go anywhere,” I told him. I was irked because I wanted to get him home right away. I wanted the awkwardness to end. I wanted to be alone. Why couldn’t this have happened to me in the summer? Sitting in the car with him while it warmed up also meant that I would have to come up with more small talk, and I was getting very tired of small talk.

         “That’s fine. What do you have for CDs in here?” he asked as he slid a cigarette out of his pack and lit one. Smoke slowly filled the car with it’s fingers touching everything and filling the air, he cracked the window, letting in more cold. I was quickly becoming annoyed.

         I tried not to sound as annoyed as I was,” the CD case is on the floor, feel free to look through it and find something to listen to while we’re waiting,”  As much as I was hating every second of this morning, I still liked him, I was still captivated by his energy and deep blue eyes that were becoming less visible as his glasses fogged.

         He picked up the case, took off his glasses and wiped them, and started studying what I had. It was nerve-wracking. Something like watching a professor read your essay. Then, he smirked.

         “You have Blondie? Why on earth do you have Blondie?”

         “Because I like Blondie. I’m a sucker for all the 80’s rock and pop. Just my weakness I guess.”

         He smiled, took a slow drag of his cigarette, put in the Blondie CD and kept looking, I backed out of the parking spot and the snow crunched under my tires over the sound of Debbie Harry‘s voice on the speakers. Neither of us were really talking during the drive, except when he told me to turn this way or that. He lived over the river and on the other side of town from me, so the drive took about fifteen gut wrenching minutes. I smoked two cigarettes while driving him there because I was so nervous.

         Finally we arrived at an old apartment building in the back ally of the local flour mill and seedy bars. It was an unpleasant neighborhood and everything was old. There were brown and brittle looking plants to the right of the parking lot that was still packed with snow and littered with cars on cinder blocks and a rusted out Camero. The paint on the cream apartment building was cracked and pealing off while the stairs leading upstairs were dangerously covered in rust and ice. There was no hall, no inside to the actual building, just apartments and rickety ice covered stairs. It didn’t even have a laundry room.

         “Thanks so much for the ride. I suppose, I guess I should go home and start working on some cleaning. I’ll see you tonight.”

         He quickly and hesitantly kissed me as he stepped out of the car and slammed the door shut. He shoved his bare hands in the pockets of his waist length black leather jacket that was filled with tan cracks that were spider webbing over the whole thing. He was watching his black canvas shoes as he walked toward the stairs and as I was backing out. I didn’t look back.

         A great sense of relief came over me as I drove away. Alone at last, and I was able to breathe deeply and think. I was beginning to think about what I was going to do about the upcoming night, but as I drove, my mind went blank and my arms were on autopilot driving me home.

         After I got home I took a long hot bath, took the contacts out of my dry and reddened eyes and took a nap. I went to work at my hotel job as planned and at the end of the night, went home to change and pick out a movie. I was telling myself over and over that it wasn’t going to be horrible. People go over to one another’s house and watch movies all the time right? But then the self-conscious part of me came out and I began to panic over what to wear. Jeans? Yes. Shirt? What kind of shirt!?!?!? Button up? No, button up  was too dressed up. Sweater? No, all the sweaters I had were either too nice or too small. T-shirt? Ahhhh, yes, t-shirt. But which one? I began to frantically flip through all the hangers in my closet that had t-shirts. And suddenly, Yes! This one! I picked out my favorite t-shirt of all time, I‘d had it since my sophomore year of high school. It’s black with a badly faded picture of the band hole on the front. Hole is my all time favorite band and I figured that a music connoisseur like Jack would appreciate that.

         I dressed and went to the bathroom to touch up my makeup. The last time he saw me I wasn’t wearing any because it had all worn off, and I wanted him to see me looking my “I didn’t try a bit too look this good” best. After I carefully covered up every flaw and put my shaggy blond hair in a “casual” ponytail which actually took me around ten minutes to perfect,  I went into the living room to pick a movie. Now another daunting obstacle was in front of me.

         I sat cross legged on the floor in front of my entertainment center and opened the bottom cabinet where the DVDs are kept and stared blankly for a while. What kind of movie should I bring? Funny? Scary? Dramatic? Just then the perfect movie popped out at me, "One Hour Photo" with Robin Williams starring as the creepy villain, perfect.