Dirty Little Secret

My name is Tanner, I’m seventeen years old, and I have a secret.

My family and I live in your seemingly picture perfect suburban neighbourhood. It’s probably the one that you’re imagining, you know, the one where all the houses seem to align and compliment each other perfectly, the grass is just that perfect shade of green, and an expensive car just happens to adorn each driveway. You know, the kind of neighbourhood where everyone gossips about one another, everyone stabs everyone in the back, and always seem to be wearing one of those overly happy smiles that immediately know fake without really having to give much thought. You know, the kind of neighbourhood where everyone has their own secret.

Whether the secret is that Mrs Jameson is having an affair with the pool boy, or that her husband has a secret cocaine addiction. Yeah, that’s the kind of neighbourhood that I live in, but the only difference between me and everyone else is that, well, nobody knows my secret. It’s not that I don’t want to tell anyone, or I haven’t put it into consideration, it’s just that I’m not certain how I’d tell them. I’ve thought about it, sure, but I’ve never been able to follow through. I guess it’s not that big of a deal, or maybe it is, I don’t really know and I don’t like to dwell on the thought of it for too long. I wonder if my friends would see me differently, if they’d still want anything to do with me? I mean, I’m sure some of them would, but still. It’s weird to think about, really, that you could potentially lose all of your friends to a simple secret that doesn’t seem all that complicated at all. Well, it really isn’t, just two words that my mouth can’t seem to form.

I’ve lived in this small suburban neighbourhood in New Jersey for about five years now, we moved here shortly after my parents divorced. I live with my Mother, my Step Father, and my sister Amy. I haven’t spoken to my Father since my parents divorced, and I’m beginning to thing it’s for the best, regarding the stories that I’ve heard about him. I have a few close friends, and quite a few acquaintances, although I was never really the popular kid that was friends with everyone. I think the best way to describe me would be that shy, awkward, kid who sits in the corner of the classroom and speaks only when spoken to.

It’s not so bad, I mean, I have friends and that’s what matters most to me. Funny, isn’t it? How my friends matter most to me, but still, I can’t find the words to tell them. That I’ve known this and kept this secret for years, and still, I cannot find the way to let them out. With time, they only seem to burn the tip of my tongue a bit more, seem a bit more eager to escape, and yet I can’t bring myself to let them out. I wonder if my secret would turn this whole perfect suburban neighbourhood upside down, if it would be that big of a deal, or if it would simply be forgotten after only a few days. I guess I’ll never really know, until those words find a way of escaping where I’ve got them locked up.

Each day I think I’m getting a bit closer to my goal, I’m gradually making progress, I am.

Notes:
This is something I wrote for an English assignment, and I'm not really sure where I'm going with it.
I'm hoping to continue it, seeing as how I know you are all curious to know the secret and all. (:
Reviews will be greatly appreciated!