pain

When does it stop, this pain?
Do these scars ever heal?
Or do they just continually tear open exposing my insides
In constant wonder or fear if this is all a dream,
If I actually gave up my life and now I'm living some version of
fucked up heaven. No it cannot be, there is no pain in heaven.
So where am I?? Is this some hole you cannot crawl out of?
Damned to live in constant teeth grinding, insides twisting hell?
He's already murdered my soul, everyone else has just taken
my dignity, sanity, and life.