Body of Water

I hear no sounds, I feel empty. Staring at this large quantity of grey-green water. It is very still. No water is flowing in or out. There is no movement. It feels like time has stopped. I’m standing here alone. I clutch my left fist, reassuring myself. The stillness of the water mirrors the stillness in my heart and mind. Blue water usually soothes me, but this grey-green colour fails to do so. A gush of wind forces my hair, dragging it across my face. The wind is not strong, but strong enough for me to feel its force. It’s cold, sending shivers down my spine. The wind stops. I lift my right hand up; I run my fingers through my hair, exposing my face again. I can clearly see what’s ahead of me again, but something is different. I no longer feel alone. The water is showing movement. A black sphere emerges from the waters. It is revealing more of itself, as it is coming closer. A human being. Step by step, from water to land, it is walking. It then stops. The person is too far to touch, but close enough for me to see. A girl. She is wearing a plain white dress that is touching the ground with patches of red faded into the wet material. I can only see her uncovered arms, covered in countless red lines. Just looking at her now makes me feel uneasy. I look down at my arms. I look at hers. Red lines are on her, faded light brown on mine. The colour is different, but the all lines are positioned the same; identical. Tears are flooding my eyes. I try to stop them from dripping down my cheeks, but I can’t. I’m losing it. My mind is clouded. I look at her. She is smiling at me, though her eyes are speaking otherwise. I look back down, but now only focus at my left hand. It is still there, my fist clutching onto it, like I’m scared that it will runaway. I take a deep breath and relax my fingers. I held onto it so naturally, just like I’ve held it many times before. I stare at it. I look back up at the girl. She gives me another smile. I look at my left hand again. A clean sharp knife is still residing in my hand. I’ve seen the knife many times before. The same knife, clean, used, red. The knife is screaming in sync with my soul. I’m afraid. Scared. I drop the knife and fall onto my knees. My hands clenching onto my head, as tears are rapidly dripping onto the ground. I feel so frustrated. I form fists with my hands and bang them against my thighs. Thump. THump. THUMP. Pushing my fists onto my thigh, I pull myself up. My back bending forward. My swollen red eyes looking straight at her. She smiles at me again as her back turns to me. I stay in my current position as I watch her going back into the water. She is gone. I relax my shoulders, correcting my posture. I notice something, a feeling. A feeling I’ve long forgotten, peace. I look back at the water, as the wind softly hits me. The girl, she was once me, and I was once her. I don’t want to see that knife of mine encased in blood again. Don’t ever want to be like her, like the girl who I was once was. I feel myself smiling, smiling from the inside and not for show. I push hair back with a smile on my face, looking at the water that is now a sparkling blue.