Penance Chapter - 3

Chapter 3 – Past Dreams

         “Focus your feelings on the force and prepare for when I will need you”, is all that he said in his message.  She was shocked when she saw a logged transmission that he would be arriving at the castle within two days.  After the shock passed she then set to work on preparing for his arrival.  No meals needed to be prepared and the droids kept the place spotless.  No, Lady Penance set about hardening herself for whatever test her master may have prepared for her. 

         After her evenings meditations were over she heads over to the fitness room for one more quick workout before another shower and then sleep.  In her frenzy to prepare she forgets to take the sedatives that Vader has on hand to help him sleep.  Exhausted she falls into a deep slumber, but a fitful one as the nightmares that she suppresses with the drugs bubble to the surface of her conscience and trouble her sleep.

         “Stop, we can’t.” Kendra pants as she pushes away at Quinn.

         Broke in mid kiss he looks at her playfully, “I know we shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean we can’t.”  He cranes his head to once more to kiss her, but she turns hers away and scolds, “I mean it.  We’re going to get caught and Master Telk is none to happy with you already.”

         Sighing heavily Quinn moves away from her.  “I don’t care.  You’re just so delicious I can’t resist.”  He says stroking the side of her face.  The warmth of his hand tingles throughout her body as he uses the force to arouse her.  Quickly realizing what he is doing she throws up a barrier in her mind.

         “I said Stop!”  She says more forcefully.

         “Fine.” Quinn says dejectedly.

         “Don’t be that way.  We must be careful.  Any use of the force rouses unwanted attention.  You must remember that.”  She says holding his arms as he looks away from her.  “I love you, you know that, but we must not forget that we are in hiding and using the force for that,” she blushes at the thought of what he was doing, “is foolish, not to mention dangerous.”

         A sly grin crosses his face.  One that makes his eyes twinkle. She can’t understand what it is about that twinkle that makes her melt.  Maybe it’s because all is in ruins and at any time their small cadre of Jedi may be discovered by the empire.  Maybe it’s because it helps ease the pain of Master Anakin’s betrayal and the death of all her friends.  Or maybe it’s just the way he kisses her nose with that twinkle.  She shakes his arms forcing him to look at her.

         “Ok, you’re right, I know that, but with some much that has happened sometimes I feel like I would regret not being able to spend every free moment with you.”

         “And I feel the same way, but we need to be mindful of our surroundings.”  She says, as she spies the corridor to make sure that it is clear.

         “Now you sound like Master Telk.” He chides.  Playfully, she hits is arm.

         “Well someone has to drill some sense into you.  You need the practice as well.”

         “The force just isn’t as strong with me as it is with you.”

         “Don’t say that you just need focus,” once more spying the corridor.

         “I do have focus.”  He laughs as wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her back into the little closet.

         Spinning around he kisses her once more passionately before releasing her.  Realizing that it would do no good to scold him again she gives into her passion.

         The dream fades suddenly and scattered images flash cross her consciousness.  More training with Master Telk and then stolen moments with Quinn. Blaster flashes and whirring light sabers and the stench of ozone in her nose.  Penance tosses and turns a light sweat breaking over her lithe frame.  Soon she settles and breathing becomes steady and controlled.

         She snatches back her hand as if burned by something.  She had forgotten it was there.  His light saber.  After Master Telk had been discovered and killed on Ossus their group split up.  Quinn thought it would be better to travel together, but many feared discovery from the empire with so many force users traveling together.  After the attack they barely managed to get off the planet.  Some of their friends weren’t as lucky. 

         Picking up the weapon she turns it over in her hands.  It’s fully charged and well kept.  She remembers throwing hers away in the courtyard after discovering Master Telk’s body.  Gently she strokes the saber’s hilt.  She misses her weapon.  It had taken her months to perform the ceremony and complete it and then to just toss it aside.  She hadn’t thought about it then.  The only thing she can remember is that she didn’t want to be caught with it.  Sighing she places it back in to the drawer and removes the shawl that she had been looking for. 

         It’s hard to believe that it’s been three years since that escape from Ossus.  Quinn had wanted to fight Vader and his forces, but she knew better.  She convinced him to lay low and keep out of sight.  It was a hard life at first just to eek out a living, but Quinn had some luck and sometimes using the force he managed to become a rather successful in importing rare herbs and spices.  They naturally came to Alderaan where the market hub had been established and the rarer spices and herbs were in abundance.  Then again through luck, at least she liked to believe it was luck, Quinn had established and negotiated exclusive trading contracts with several empire sponsored organizations.  Though they had both loathed the empire, she believed that their masters would want them to go on and keep the Jedi codes and to live good and prosperous lives.  She had convinced Quinn of this as well.  She shivered a little as she moved across the veranda of their home. Looking out to the mountains her eyes eventually made their way to the small fresh water lake that occupied their land. 

         “The cold is early this season.”  She thinks as she draws the shawl up over her bare shoulders.  Slowly she rubs her stomach and thinks that may be good.  She decided that she wouldn’t want to be pregnant during the warm season.  Their child would be born shortly after the seasons change.  Tonight was the night she would tell Quinn of the impending birth.  She knew he would be pleased. She was content here with him and now their child.  She knew that Quinn was happy too, but he could be restless and sometime sullen about having to live constantly on guard against the empire finding out who they were.  She knows that sometimes he would prefer to live on the run as Jedi.  Perhaps this would draw his mind from such foolishness.  It would be madness to face the empire alone.

         Again the mists swirl around her conscience.  Penance cries out lightly in her sleep, awaking a serving droid who believed it was being summoned.  After no coherent command is forth coming the droid shuts down once more.  Penance’s tossing and turning becomes more fitful as the dreams become more vivid.  A small cup of water flies across the room and smashes against the wall as struggles with her inner demons.  Once more deeper sleep overtakes her and her breathing evens out.

         “Damn it Quinn!!, How could you be so careless!!”  She yells at the man as they speed through hyperspace. 

         “What was I to do, let the empire destroy us completely!”  He yells back. 

         Easing her very pregnant self into a chair she continues, “You were supposed to care for your wife and family.  Instead you drag us into this mess once again!!”

         Crossing the small room he looks down at her, “Our people are dying; our way of life is dying Ken.  How could I just turn my back on them?” He says gently.

         Letting out a heavy breath she asks, “And what of our child.  The force is strong within him, I can feel it.  How will we live if your dead or worse in Vader’s prisons.”

         “It is for our child that I helped the resistance.  I want our child to grow in the force as we did, to not have to live with the boot heel of the empire on his neck.  I want him to gather others like himself and restart the Jedi academy.”

         “Lofty goals, husband, but useless in a smugglers ship running from everything we have!  All that work gone.  I was only able to grab a few credits before the empire froze our accounts.”

         “We’ll be fine.  I can get us out of the core then to one of the Hutt controlled planets.  The empires grasp is looser there.  From there we’ll make our way to a rebel base.”

         “Are you insane!!”  She thunders.  I am not having our child on the run from the entire empire while you indulge in some guilt ridden folly.”  Calming herself using a breathing technique she calms and approaches Quinn more coolly.

“Take us beyond the outer rim.  There we have a chance of disappearing and maybe the Empire won’t follow us there.”  She offers as a compromise.

         “We need to join the rebels we can’t—,” He says, getting angry with her, but a ship alert sounds and cuts him off.

         “What’s going on?” She asks trying to stand up.

         “A ship has locked a tractor beam onto us. I’m tying to open a channel to see what they—.” Once again he is cut off as the ship rumble to a stop.  From the lurch several things fall, including Kendra.

         “Are you alright?” Quinn asks, as he helps her to her feet.

         “Yes, I’m fine, but what is going on?” She asks using the arm of the chair for balance.

         “A docking collar?” he says as his eyes scan the void and he peers out with a tendril of the force.  “Dark Jedi!!”  He had no sooner said the words when there was a hiss and a sharp popping sound in Kendra’s ears.  The pressure hadn’t quite equalized between the two ships and the unequal pressure resulted in the popping.  Also she felt quite dizzy.  She had just corrected herself enough to see and hear the whir of two light sabers igniting.  Quinn moved faster than she had ever seen.  He is quicker than the two Dark Jedi and he easily dispatches them.  However two more take their place. Then there is the twang of blaster fire. 

         The dream now slows down endlessly as sounds and sights are distorted.  Kendra can hear the Dark Jedi call for surrender and Quinn yell never.  She hears Quinn scream as a blaster bolt catches him in the shoulder.  A saber from the hand of a fallen Dark Jedi rolls in her direction and she reaches down to pick it up.  She grabs hold of it and rises, igniting it as she comes up.  She is just in time to see two Dark Jedi cut Quinn in half.

         “Too slow.  I’m too slow!!” She thinks as she raises the blade to defend herself.  She hears the zing of the adepts blade as it slices past her.  For a moment she hears the beating of two hearts; her own and her childs.  Next she feels the pain in her stomach and the wetness on her legs.  The last thing that she hears is the sound of a tiny heartbeat fading into the darkness and crying.  She always hears the crying.

         Darth Penance awakes with a start and immediately rushes to the fresher.  She slips on the granite floor and has to quickly half crawl half scramble to the toilet where she begins to retch.  Half crying and half vomiting she continues to try and get a grip of her emotions.  Her hatred and pain are out of control as things in the room start to shake from her uncontrolled use of the force.  She is dangerously close to ripping the room apart with her mind.
         
         “Stop it.  Stop it.”  She tells herself over and over slowly calming herself.  Once the tremors have stopped, she collapses on the fresher floor weeping uncontrollably while clutching her stomach in a fetal position.  After a while she realizes that she can’t sleep on the fresher floor so she makes her way back to the bedroom.  She doesn’t sleep though.  This time she deeply meditates and hopes that it will be enough to refresh her for tomorrow’s workouts.