The fat woman

Anger raises rage boils threatening to spill over the top.

Don't allow it to; fight it inside my mind I shout.

I am so tired of hurting, so tired of being me.

So frustrated with living, so many problems can't you see?

No willpower I am nothing more then a sideshow freak

Everyday I step outside it only allows the curious to peek.

Look at the fat lady I hear them say.

Fuck you all just get away!!!

Drink this, take that pill, all so you can become a better you.

Ok I will try, of course I will succeed I am strong I can do it.

Then once alone I eat and eat and eat until I am sick.

You damn loser you fucking failure are what the voices tell me inside.

I want to curl up in a ball cover my head and hide.

Ok start tomorrow, ha-ha we all know tomorrow will never come.

Razorblade hmm maybe the car would be best God you are so dumb!

Knees pop swollen joints crack and bleed.

Back aches head throbs maybe its time to concede.

Too hot too cold its all too much I fear.

Goodbye to all the time has brought me near.

I am a good person with a wicked sense of humor I can promise you that.

Most of you will never know never see past the fat.

I am a good mom and a good wife.

My world is full of too many tears too many fears & too much strife.

I need to rest just for a while close my eyes after each pill slides down.

Feel my lungs slowly fill with air and my heart slows down.

No more worries no more problems if only for the day.

When they bury me 6 feet down I wonder what each will stop to say.

Will they be relieved, will the cry and mourn?

Will they silently be thankful there is no more?

Unfortunately the last I have very little doubt

Hey everyone look at the fat lady, I whisper as the lights go out.